Please help me I feel like Im doing something wrong

[shimbaby]

My son has just turned 2 in January and at the moment is driving me nuts. I know he is supposed to be going through the "terrible twos" but this just seems on a whole new level. He lashes out, thumps, pulls hair, nips, scratches and pulls some really nasty faces when he is doing it as if he is aware of what he is doing. He lies on the floor and screams and screams at the slighest thing usually to me telling him no to something.

His bounts are not just aimed at me, he will do it to complete strangers in shops, thump them on the back, grab and tug at thier bags and quite often just hits children his own age for no good reason at all. It is embarrassing and people look at you like you have done something to make him this way. I am at the point where I dread taking him anywhere, he wont go in a pushchair, or reins, he usually will hold my hand until he doesnt get his own way and instantly he goes limp and throws himself on the floor... my parents keep telling me i have to just leave him there and not pull him along as i am going to hurt him. I leave him there and he will just have a tantrum for as long as u are willing to stand there.

Over the last 5 weeks he has started to take it out on the dog too, who is a long haired german shepherd. He is a really placid dog but im worried my son is going to really hurt him and the dog may respond. He pulls clumps of hair out of him... pulls his tail.. digs his fingers into the dogs face. I have tried everything as a punishment when he behaves this way but nothing seems to work. He is my only son and I feel like im missing something, all my friends who I speak to all dont seem to have experienced anything like this with thier children and any advice they give me as a punishment I try but nothing seems to stop him... He just seems to return twice as bad and some days I am constantly telling him off and putting him in his room for a few minutes then letting him out, then he goes right back and does the same thing again and the cycle continues.

Please can someone give me some advice?

i found bedroom was not right place as my ds went in and played hardly a punishment i found in the hallway alone and a firm telling why he was there

then going back again i put you here for hitting say sorry if i didn't get a sorry he styled i had to do this nearly every day all day but it worked main thing is consistency any bad behaviour followed up by a consequence and all good behavior praised no matter how small

maybe being put in his room his playing with toys so not really feeling the consequence of his bad behaviour kind of that oh well attitude rather than i hate sitting there with nothing to do

if your ds acts this way to the dog you need to give the dog safe place maybe a room with stair gate up for his and ds safety

and my ds was same age as your ds and his understanding to right and wrong was ok i was helped by hv who told me how to and when to react and must say my ds is now 4 and we haven't used naughty corner in well over a yr

Hi shimbaby. I'm really sorry to hear that things are so difficult for you at the moment. I can hear that this is really upsetting you, especially as you love your son and want the best for him.

All I can say is that ALL toddlers throw tantrums and hit from time to time. My daughter is 2 and a half, and still sometimes hits and scratches me, although she is getting much better, and when I show that she has hurt me she is mostly really sorry. I think this kind of empathy comes much easier to girls though.

It does sound that your son's behaviour has escalated, and something might be upsetting him. Does he get enough sleep? I know my daughter is a lot more fractious and prone to tantrums recently as we have changed her sleeping arrangements and she is not sleeping as well as she used to.

Also, any changes to his normal routine, anything upsetting him? While I'm not saying that you should condone his behaviour, you might want to step back on the punishment and try to assess the overall situation. Is something upsetting him that he can't express with words? Like you I tried all the exclusion punishments with my daughter and found that they didn't work - they just made both of us miserable. 2 year olds are not yet able to manage their emotions or control their behaviour, so don't feel that you necessarily have to punish him, it's more important I think to try and understand what's going on in his little head.

If all else fails, maybe take him to the doctor and have him checked out. It may be that an ear infection or some other painful condition is aggravating him, these things are so easy to miss.

Anyway, sorry for rambling, I really wish you all the best. You sound so concerned, but I'm sure that things will get better for you both

Is your HV any use? It sounds like you could use some help in RL.

Well I stopped seeing my HV when my son was about 5 months, she told me I had to put him to bed and leave him there and not go to him when he cried until he fell asleep... we lasted one hour that night and I never did it again.. when my son got to about 7 months he started his own sleeping pattern and slept all through the night. I was angry at the HV's advice and didnt feel like she got what I was saying to her. At one point he went off his food at about 6 months and I asked for her advice then and I felt really stupid after she had gone and as if she had been talking down to me so after the 2 incidents I just didnt bother any more.

I guess my son does have a few things going on atm. A few weeks ago he went through a bad virus and had the runs for a week solid which was waking him up and he was lethargic and miserable and since then he hasnt slept fully through the night and keeps wanting a bottle to sleep / go back to sleep with.

My mam has MS and my dad had a health scare about 5 months ago and myself and my partner decided to move in with them to help them out plus they love my son being here and he loves them, his routine didnt change and there was no change in his behaviour at all so I cant pin point it to that.

I dont take him to playgroup as I dont want him attacking the other kids or the mothers to look and blame me.

He is a very loving child and often kisses and hugs all of his own free will. I thought maybe he was having too many treats and a friend suggested cutting them out but it made no difference.

He isnt a big eater and every meal time we have to coax him to eat. He still loves to have a bottle even tho we discourage him but at the moment its the only way he will sleep or go back to sleep.

Maybe I should contact the HV and see if maybe a different one would give me different advice, but Im hoping I wont have to.

my 21 month old absolutely refuses to go down for a daytime nap anymore even though she's tired and grumpy alot of the time. If I persist she'll just scream and it seems pointless but she is going to bed at a more sociable hour in the evening. Is this normal or do I try and get(force!!) her back into her old routine? I'm also doing my nut as the day seems endless and I dont get the break anymore...

Shimbaby, it sounds like your son has been feeling poorly and has no other way to express himself. Also, moving in with your mum and dad, while absolutely lovely for him, is probably a big change too. I noticed that when my daughter turned two she suddenly started hating any kind of change to her environment or routine, they really are creatures of habit at that age. She had been a wonderful traveller as a baby but started getting very angry when we went away to visit relatives for example. I think it might just be a combination of moving house, his recent illness and perhaps any stress you might be under relating to your parents' health. And, as you say, he hasn't been sleeping well since his illness so he's probably really knackered too. I totally sympathise with you not wanting to go to toddler groups, I was really embarrassed when my daughter was so grumpy and hitting me a lot, but rest assured it sounds like this is a phase and he will grow out if it. It will pass quicker than you might think if you play it down. I think distraction is a great trick at this age. You're not doing anything wrong, but try to remember that even minor changes for us can be huge changes for them