How to get a co-sleeping 2.5 year old to sleep on their own?!

[Georgeous]

I would really appreciate some advice on this issue. My husband and I have been co-sleeping with our 2.5 year old daughter since birth. Until recently it was the perfect way to ensure we all got a good night's sleep. However, she is now too big, and I found I couldn't sleep as I was squashed between husband and chid like a sardine! I'm also 20 weeks pregnant with 2nd child, and as much as I've loved co-sleeping, I don't think I could do it with two of them! I have nightmares about newborns waking toddlers and vice versa.

So.......we moved our daughter to a "big girl's bed" in her own room at the weekend. She put up no resistance to this and was excited to be sleeping in her pink bed with hearts on it. But I still have to lie down with her for her to get to sleep, and the problem is that when she inevitably wakes in the night and finds she is sleeping alone, she starts to cry for me. I've wanted to make this important transition as gentle and stress free as possible for her, so I've been going in and lying down with her till she goes back to sleep. this is happening several times a night and the last two nights I have "slept" most of the night in her little single bed with her, which is obviously defeating the object. I am so sleep-deprived now that I can barely function! I would really welcome any advice from Mums or Dads who have been through a similar thing. Thanks

Georgeous, don't worry - DS was exactly the same and I introduced him to a single bed in the same way you did about a month ago. I, like you, started sleeping in his single bed with him to get some rest.

Stick with it - DS is now sleeping through nearly every night, or if he wakes is happy for me to soothe him and then retreat back to my bed.

You've done really well and I'm sure things will improve soon.

Thank you georgimama, that's very reassuring. Did you do anything in particular to help him switch from expecting you to lie with him? And what soothing methods do you use?

Many thanks

I am so glad I saw this thread because I have to do this in a couple of months with my DS. I shall watch with interest.

I think DS has managed to stop any further pregnancies,sleeping in our bed. Mind you he was an IVF baby anyway.

there are a few methods. I never co-slept but had a DD who would wake up 2-3 times a night for reassurance and bedtimes could be a nightmare. It takes committment but there are two methods recommended by Elizabeth pantley in her no cry sleep solution for toddlers. Gradual Withdrawal where you go from lying with them to lying next to them to sitting on the floor to sitting in the room, etc etc. Basically you get a little bit further away each time. The one I used which worked much better for us was the "Rapid Return". i would get her settled and say I needed to pop out for something (it was fairy dust, a spray bottle with lavender water in it which i would then spray on her pillow to help her sleep). I would be back within seconds and then go out again to put the "fairy dust" back. Over the period of a week or so, I was gone for a longer period of time each time. Basically she trusted that I would return when I left so wasn't stressed. Before long, she was asleep when I got back. Sometimes she wakes up now and I settle her, give her a cuddle and say I will be back to check in 5 minutes. She is always asleep when I do.

the other thing I did was put a on a story CD for her at bedtime and when she woke in the night I would put it on for her. That also helped.

Sorry for the epic post. A few other MNers have tried this and found it worked. As I said, it takes some committment and it is a gradual process but its great. Elizabeth Pantley saved my sanity.

Good luck

Link to the book

No, not really anything different, it just fell into place after a few weeks. He does still occassionally wake and if particularly upset I will stay with him until he is firmly asleep then sneak out again.

He still needs me (and always has) to cuddle him and sing him to sleep in the evening. If he wakes in the night I just lie on the bed stroking him until he starts to relax and then I sneak out!

I was still BFing him to sleep until 3 months ago so as you can imagine the current situation is like a dream to me, although for some people it would be an insufferable hell!

Twofalls, that sounds fantastic, really helpful. I love the fairy dust idea! Thank you very much. I had been thinking along the lines of gradual withdrawal, but I may well give the rapid return technique a try - my daughter is already happy to wait in bed while I pop to the loo. And please don't apologise for long post, I'm really grateful you took the time to respond as this issue is so important to me. I'll keep you posted.

chuckeyegg, your last post made me giggle. Over the last two years my husband and I have had to sneak downstairs like naughty teenagers when we want some "adult" time! it's

georgimama, it doesn't particularly sound like hell to me! The problem is that my daughter has to be deeply asleep before I can leave her at the moment, so I think I will have to try something different. I breastfed her till she was 23 months, and she has always fallen asleep with me cuddling her too. It sounds like your approach works for you really well, and as your DS doesn't wake all that often it seems like it's been a really natural transition for you both. At the moment, she is waking up to six times a night. I think basically when she comes out of very deep sleep she realises I'm not there and then wakes up properly, gets distressed etc. However, I know it is early days so I'm going to try a couple of things and see how we get on.....the Elizabeth Pantley method does sound very gentle.

you're welcome. The fairy dust worked really well for us - after about a week I introudced into the story a naughty fairy who used to hide the fairy dust from me so I had to search the house from top to bottom. I would say to her "i might be a little while because that naughty fairy is playing tricks on me again". She loved it.

Good luck with it - it really is a gentle method and is built on the premise that if you give them the reassurance you are there if they need you they will have the confidence to go (back) to sleep on their own eventually. I tell DD that if she wakes in the night to cuddle bear and go back to sleep and she pretty much does. Bedtimes are also a dream now. I had around 2 years of hellish sleeping patterns and now she occasionally wakes and occasionally creeps into our bed but it really isn't a problem.

I just now need to find a way to get her to sleep past 6AM

Hi Twofalls, thanks again, that sounds brilliant! I might try the same......seeing as DD is already obsessed with fairies, it might be a winner!

Ha, I know what you mean, we are waking at 6.20 at the very latest at the moment - maybe time to invest in some blackout curtains before the dawn chorus starts at 4am!

We have a fairy lover in this house too. its very sweet.

You have just reminded me to order some blackout blinds - 6am I can just about cope with but anything before that is a big no-no!

Let me know how you get on.

Will do twofalls - I've just ordered the No-Cry Sleep book as well, can't wait to get stuck into it! Give me a couple of days and I'll report back my findings

I put my dd straight into a double bed - if she woke up in the night then I would just pop into bed with her and fall asleep. Over a few weeks she called out less and less and now sleeps on her own. I didn't do anything more complicated than that.

I would get a double bed for baby no 2 also - it's so much easier when they are ill etc to jump into bed with them! Sleeping whilst pregnant in a single bed with a toddler sounds like a bit of a squeeze!!!

It is Reesie - I did contemplate buying a small double or 3/4 size bed rather than a single, but though that just might extend the co-sleeping indefinitely. My major motivation is to have the little girl sleeping independently by the time the new baby arrives! We'll see, I'm not going to panic over it........not yet anyway!

I agree - I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant. My husband did suggest that he might make a bed frame for our room that 2 double mattresses would fit snugly together. So if all four of us ended in there at least there would be lots of room! I am very tempted!! He also suggested a tv with dvd player too for those early moening toddler wake ups!!!

Breakthrough! Perhaps I'm speaking too soon, DD slept IN HER OWN BED from 7.30pm till 5.10am last night. She woke once at 10pm but DH managed to get her off to sleep again just by sitting next to her and stroking her head. I hope we repeat this again tonight! This is an absolute first and I'm so excited! Granted, she woke up ridiculously early but overall I'm thrilled.....Thanks everyone for good advice

That is great news! Well done. I hope you have a good night again tonight.