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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

guns

15 replies

Bobbinogtastic · 23/03/2009 17:19

anyone got any advice for me about my 3.5 year old ds who has become rather taken with pretending everything is a gun ? we have never talked about guns with him or allowed them as toys, so i can only assume his information is coming from other kids at pre-school.

For the last few months he has regularly pretended any object is a gun, pointing it at things / people and shouting "gun, gun, gun". Today he said "I've gunned him and now he is dead"

I have tried ignoring it. I have tried saying things like "guns aren't nice", "mummy doesn't like guns" etc etc. But its not working. I am finding it so upsetting. We are a peaceful loving household and I don't know how to deal with it. Any advice ?

OP posts:

zanz1bar · 23/03/2009 17:25

ds is exactly the same everything is' gun, gun ,gun, i gun you mummy'
Ignore it. i got into a right muddle trying to explain to a very bored 3 year old why mummy doesn't like guns.
now at 4 its all light saber/ lazer piiieeeow sounds.

ICANDOTHAT · 23/03/2009 17:25

It's genetic !! Inbuilt from birth and it's a wonder they don't pop out with a pistol in each hand I have 2 boys and each of them has been through the 'gun toting' stage. My oldest would use anything he got his hands on and pretend it was a gun. He did not watch inappropriate tv or have access to anything with guns in it. It's a phenomenon !!

Don't worry, I would ignore the play and treat it as if he was playing with any other toy. I heard a while ago, they were even thinking of bringing guns back into nurseries

zanz1bar · 23/03/2009 17:27

one of the best peace loving quakers i know played cowboys and indians for years as a child.

nannynick · 23/03/2009 17:38

It is very hard to stop boys having guns... because they will make guns out of things they find - sticks for example.
However that does not mean that you go out and buy them an arsenal of weapons so they can practice firing at passing cars.
My advice would be to restrict gun play to the garden... somewhere that they are not likely to get into trouble. Let them play cowboys and Indians with their friends.

Bang bang you're dead, fifty bullets in your head!

I just remembered that ditty... probably said it many time as a child. At a young age it doesn't mean anything to them... but when they get to age 5/6 you can use it to discuss about death... how animals die, people die, etc.

abroadandmisunderstood · 23/03/2009 17:42

My DS1 used to chew his toast into a gun shape... So frustrating isn't it? Every stick becomes one too. It must be genetic

throckenholt · 23/03/2009 17:42

mine weren't at all interested in guns until a year or so ago - but the other day in the they (7 and 6) were pretending stick were guns.

I asked them why they needed guns. One said shooting things. I asked what things ? He looked puzzled and asked his brother what they were shooting. The other looked puzzled too and then said "everything !!" and ran off going bang.

They pick it up from others at playgroup and school - and not much you can do about it - apart from reinforce that you don't need guns and you don't need to shoot anything. At least that way they know it is just a game and not a reflection of reality. But don't make a big deal of it.

throckenholt · 23/03/2009 17:44

in the woods

saintmaybe · 23/03/2009 17:46

Children play to work things out, their thoughts and feelings and the stage that they're at. I've really changed my mind about this having had two boys, and it does seem to be more common with boys.
I think now that telling children there are 'forbidden' subjects for play is like telling adults that there are things that you're not allowed to talk about.
Our rules are; you can only play it with people who are happy with it, so fine if you have a friend who wants to play guns too, fine with me as well, actually, now I've decided not to be afraid of it. It's not ok to pretend to shoot someone who's not playing, eg in the park.
I think there can be a danger with boys of communicating to them that 'boyishness' isn't ok, or less desirable.

saintmaybe · 23/03/2009 17:48

oh, and mine have completely grown out of it and are very sweet.

screamingabdab · 23/03/2009 18:15

I agree with saintmaybe, although one of my DSs has never been into any weapons.

We live in an area where there is a lot of real gun crime, so it does make me uncomfortable, and I would not myself buy them a gun (except a bubble gun).

I actually have more of an issue with swords for OPs son's age group, as they can really hurt someone, and what's the point of a toy that you have to keep taking off a child?

christywhisty · 23/03/2009 18:18

There was research when my ds was little which showed that boys were less violent to each other if they were allowed to make guns out of lego etc.

smee · 23/03/2009 20:17

I heard that too christy. DS never had a weapon, or saw tv until he was nearly 3, but he'd already started pointing sticks. Seems to be hard wired with a lot of them, so maybe they need to play it out so it's not an issue when they're grown.

AMumInScotland · 23/03/2009 20:26

They mostly seem to do it to some extent, and at 3 they have no idea that "shooting" would have any bad consequences. It's just something they do. Actually when I was a child we all (boys & girls) spent entire summers jumping out of each others gardens and doorways and shooting each other. We all grew out of it after a while, long before there'd be any risk of geting involved with gangs etc. Likewise DS went through a stage of it at nursery, but lost interest after a year or so.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 23/03/2009 20:28

DD is very into guns, but we live next door to one army camp she goes to nursery on another one and me and DH both shoot to inevitable really.

slowreadingprogress · 23/03/2009 20:50

thing is, Bobbinog, I think your approach IS working. So often with our kids we want an instant result but that is not how it happens I'm afraid! Your response and your words ARE teaching him; it's just that it's a long process for them to learn this sort of stuff rather than an instant thing. He will need to be older, and at a different developmental stage, before he truly understands why guns are bad. He needs to have developed empathy and that comes later than 3, in it's fullest sense

And IMO children are perfectly capable of enjoying this fantasy play but still understanding that death is real and terrible and irreversible.

IMHO it's more about cause and effect (the child feeling they have an effect on their world) than about violence, that is of course unless they're watching Grand Theft Auto at 5 or something ridiculous

But basically I think what you're saying is fine, keep on saying it!

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