3.5 year old, bad behaviour when in places he doesn't want to be!

[Rebecca41]

I'm just wondering if this is a common problem, and does anyone have any suggestions?

DS is 3.5, and has taken to being really rude and obnoxious in situations that aren't exactly where he wants to be. I take him to the Family Service at the village church - it's only once a month, they have millions of toys out, kids can run around and do what they like, it's very low-key. For a long time he enjoyed it, but lately he doesn't, but I still feel I need to go to support them etc - very few people attend and the people there go to so much trouble for the kids, I feel guilty if we don't go. Anyway, one of the lovely kind church ladies smiled at DS today, and he shouted (during a quiet prayer moment!) "Don't smile at me, I don't want people looking at me". Later all the Mums got given little bouquets of flowers, and DS pushed it away saying "We don't want it, we've got plenty of flowers in our garden". And the fuss he made when he was given a sticker - unbelievable. Meanwhile the other kids are being sweet and making cards and smiling nicely while given biscuits etc. I was mortified. 5 minutes later we popped in to see a friend, and DS was sweetness and light, a little angel again.

He's such a lovely little boy most of the time, but in situations that he doesn't enjoy he just becomes a horror. It makes me sad because people never see how sweet he really is. And it seems like other kids are so much more cooporative, just accepting things if their parents tell them they have to.

I've tried bribery, and threats too, and obviously explaining why I want him to behave in a certain way, why it's not nice to be rude to people etc - but nothing helps.

Have I been too easy on him? I've devoted my life to making him happy, rarely forcing him to do things he doesn't enjoy (like shopping for example - we never do anything other than a weekly supermarket trolley-dash!). Should I have been stricter? Apparently I was like this as a child too, so maybe it's hereditary.

Is this all completely normal behaviour for 3 year olds? Any thoughts?

Not sure if you have a DP as you don't mention it in the OP but if you do can one of you go to church and one of you stay behind with DS. Or both go to church and one of you bring him outside if he starts playing up? If not is there anyone else who could have DS for you?

it sounds normal children of this age don't know how to behave correctly his just being honest they always say if you have secrets don't let little children know as they are too honest we learn as we grow up to learn when to say things out loud and when to smile and say thank you

all you can do is say before hand that you want him to behave and be nice and thats all you can really do

i when young once told the whole of great yarmouth that my mum tied me to the back of a lorry and dragged me down the road lol my poor mum

of course it wasnt true

tell him how to behave if someone smiles smile back if someone gives you something say thank you and praise when behaved correctly

I won't even start to describe some of the scenes I've endured recently with ds, almost 3.

Totally normal and I think he has to learn that he has to go to places that he doesn't like.

I try to explain I have some 'jobs' to do and then we'll do something special. if he plays up, we don't go. I remind him why we are not at park, having a treat etc and it often works.

When I say he's making OTHER people sad, not just me, he seems to take more notice.

I don't have a DP, it's just me and DS. I think that may be part of the problem - our lives have revolved around him, everything we do is for his enjoyment. Even when I'm at work he's looked after by my parents who dote on him.

I guess it could just be that painfully honest phase they go through, before learning that sometimes you have to pretend to like people/presents/situations, even if you don't.

I just don't want to end up in a situation whereby we only go to places I know he'll enjoy, because I'm scared he'll be rude to people otherwise. After all, life can't be a continuous run of trips to the zoo/park/softplay etc!

Tricky.

He's going to be rude soemtimes and most people are quite forgiving.

('Mummy, why is this house so dirty and messy?' at friends house. I died. She laughed it off.)

Use the softplay etc as bribes to do after you've done what you're going to do, as long as he behaves at the shops or wherever.

He sounds like a very lucky boy. Being rude is a phase they grow out of ..... ummm, never! (I was quite a cheeky thing and still am apparently)

Can you promise to take him somewhere he will enjoy after he's been to church?