I am seriously considering taking lo out of play group please help advise me

[IamAlsoADreamer]

Right ds has been going since november and goes 3 days a week.
He hates it-well he hates that I leave him.
Every morning [seven days a week] he asks if his school is open.
Everyone around me is telling me that he has to go that it is doing him good in the long term as he starts preschool in september 5 days a week and that he will have to go then etc etc.
We have no family nearby and so whilst I think it si good for him to be amking freinds etc I just worry about him as he gets soo upset about going.
His keyworker suggested taking him in earlier as he settles more quickly if he goes to breakfast club than if he goes in at normal time.
They are all lovely really lovely.
But last week I noticed that on the days he did not go he was so much happier.
On one of the days it was closed [he had asked me agin and I had said no it's closed] he hugged me so tight and said I miss you so much mummy when i go.
what would you do.

Gori - DD was like Springlamb's daughter - ready for Uni by the time she could walk . In she went, no bother.

As others have said - every child is different and there are fab. benefits for them regarding socialising, sharing, getting into 'classroom' type routines and stuff but hey, if they're not ready and choice allows it, why push 'em?

Dreamer - if you're torn, how about reducing him down a day or two & see how it goes?

DS loved it once he settled each morning - I think that's standard for most children - but if your instincts are saying "pull him out", then do so - so what, he isn't going to be going to high school and still crying for you, is he! What produces the biggest benefit for him?

What would I do?

Well I wish I had listened to my children when they said they didn't like pre-school. Neither ever said yippee it's playgroup day.

Now my children are older I do listen a lot harder. What they say, their body language, their hugs are from the heart. It has taken one of my children feeling suicidal for me to realize that most adults talk absolute b......t when it comes to feelings, trust, being truly safe and cared for. I was letting their views come between me and caring for my children.

One of my children is now autonomously home educated because of this.

You did ask!

I would take him out.

I don't buy all this crap about getting used to school.

Where do they go to get used to play school?

Where do they go to get used to being outside Mum's tummy?

He isn't happy. Take him out.

JMO.

There is no reason at all except the practicalities of parental work or sanity for children to go to any sort of pre-school type thing. They have to go to school in the school year they are 5 - but before that they don't have to.

So if you don't have to work outside the home and if you don't need the break from him for your own well being, then keep him at home til "proper" school time.

I too have a very similar dilemma! my ds 3.5 started nursery in January. Despite only wanting him to start at 3 afternoons, I was bamboozled into starting him at 5 afternoons!!!! He cried and clung every day and was shattered and miserable the rest of the time, too. Dh (who didn't want him to go in the first place) helped me see sense and we cut it down to 3 a/n; he is now a lot better with more energy to play when he's not there etc.

We still have tears and begging not to go most days - although all the staff say he is absolutely fine, and when I pick him up he seems as though he has really enjoyed himself. I am really only sending him because I felt that as an 'only' he needed to learn to 'rough and tumble' with other kids and find his place in the group. i.e. pre nursery if there were other children on a slide at the park he would wait until it was empty to play on it, whereas now he will just run up and join in........

BUT I worry that he is 'making the best' of being there, because he obviously has no choice as he keeps telling Mummy how he feels about it, but it isn't making any difference. It is sooooo blardy hard to know what to do for the best isn't it?

I was told my DD was fine after I would leave her crying. She never said anything to me about it but was only 2 1/2 when she started. 5 months later I was told she hadn't settled any better. I removed her immediately.

As I said - unless they have to go don't send them. Simple!

God, take them all out. Really. Unless you never get a break otherwise, in which case take them as little as possible. They will be in school in a few aeons years, and that will be plenty early enough.

IamAlsoADreamer This is so difficult and to see your lo distressed makes your heart ache, I know. But I have to disagree with many of the posts. I think the most important skill a child learns to be able to cope in 'big school' is social skills - not their abc, 123 etc (these they can do at home with mummy or whoever takes care of them). This skill helps them integrate, communicate, learn and helps build their confidence. I think pre-school/nursery introduces this skill and 'arms' a small child well when embarking in full-time education.

I think, as mums, we sometimes pass our own anxieties and stresses onto our children and when we see them so distraught we want to pick them up and run a million miles from whatever is upsetting them. Believe me, if you feel like this now, you will feel a lot worse if he starts in reception and is not coping. Separation anxiety is common and very normal and thankfully , usually lasts only a short while once you have left them.

"he hugged me so tight and said I miss you so much"
"But i just feel so guilty and I do miss him and I know I am also vv pfb"

Is he really unhappy, or are you more unhappy seeing him upset?

But that's what Reception is for - to get used to the social side of being at school. That's why it's called Reception, not Year 1!

Reception isn't just for that reason - they also start learning in reception - many children are reading by the end of reception and basic maths skills. If they are not coping socially, they will not be happy or confident enough to learn. Yes, reception children also learn social skills through play etc, but imho, the more prepared you are the more you will thrive in a formal learning environment.

In an ideal world, we wouldn't need to send our kids into classes of 32 at the age of 4 but this isn't ideal and we need to arm them as best we can - that's what nurseries are for. I and millions of other adults attended nurseries and apart from the fact I remember nothing about it at all, I don't think it did me any harm.

Hello, I think I would disagree with most of the posters on here, It seems like your LO dislikes you leaving him but gets on ok when you are gone.
Unless you are really unhappy I would not take him out. Are you happy with the way the staff deal with any upset? if so maybe you could reduce the days that he attends?
With all my children I have found that forward planning with them helps reduce worry on their behalf. So we lay out uniform the night before, swim kit etc.
My third child has just started preschool one morning a week, and we have a routine, when I drop her off where I say that I am going to the shops (boring) to get some bits for lunch and what would she like for lunch.
When I pick her up I have laid out the "picnic" in the lounge and we have a party after playgroup.
I also agree with ICANDOTHAT regarding reception and I would say that IME it is very important that a child is able to go into reception happy to leave the parent.
Whatever you decide I hope things work out for you.

I would take him out.
By the time he has to go to preschool he will be that bit older and probably more ready for it.
I took one of mine out of play group because she was upset about it. She was much happier not going and when it came to starting nursery in the September, she started with hardly a backward glance. I too, was surrounded by people who were telling me that I was only postponing things and it would be just as bad in the Sept. It wasn't at all.

Icandothat and chickenfortea, this isn't a child going to reception this year, but next year. This is "playschool" prior to pre-school which he starts in September. He's still got a full academic year to learn all those social skills, even if he stops playschool now.

I agree that it is a good thing if a child readily seperates from mum at reception age; however, 'practising' by leaving them at other places is not necessarily the way to get them ready.

Children are changing, maturing, and developing all the time and IMO a child who has been at home, full time, on their own with a parent, can be just as ready to leave at reception age, as a child who has been in nursery. It really totally depends on the child of course but I do think we don't need to 'practice' so much.

Reception is, in itself, a preparation for school rather than school proper - or should be

My dd went to pre school and cried practically every day until she was in year 2. Perfectly happy at school - just didn't like the moment of leaving me. Ds stayed at home with me til he was 4.5 - and went into school without a backward glance. I don't think you can learn to deal with separation. You can learn that there's no point protesting and to go with the flow ande not to cry, but if you don't like leaving mum you can't learn to like it!

Seeker you are right when you say you will not learn to like leaving your mummy. I don't think 1 reception year is long enough to prepare children for the next 10-12 years of schooling ahead of them. I just think it's sad that they are expected to conform at such a young age and have always tried to equip my boys with the necessary tools to cope.

I have done it both ways - my first son attended play group and every other outside activity for pre-school children, he was on 'social overload'. He started reception confident and happy and able to 'cope'. My 2nd son did not have the same level of contact with other children and spent far more time with me. When he started school, he was ill prepared. He struggled to get along with the kids and didn't want to share his teacher with 29 other little ones. I know this in turn affected his learning and it has taken him until now (almost end of yr1) to settle.

At the end of the day, we can only go by our personal experiences and I think if the OP's child is truly unhappy, then she'll know what's best for him.