Childminder says my 9.5 momnth old is too clingy

[Fourteeth]

Hello there,

Our jolly sociable DS goes to a CM two days a week - he started in Jan. He is still very keen to be held or near the CM every moment of the day and she has basically said that she is finding it difficult. he cries every time I leave him there and cries when she tries to move away from him.

We are planing to move him to a nursery that we think is very good in April - partly hoping that a busy environment will suit him more. Also, wondering if a more dedicated service will be more appropriate as opposed to a CM who is fitting his needs around her own schedule. She is really lovely but I have always found it a bit tricky communicating with her - we are very different and there is always a nagging doubt about how engaged he is during the day.

It shocked me to hear he could be 'difficult' for someone. The CM has used words like clingy which trouble me. He is so young and I assume what he is experiencing is separation anxiety. He is also breastfed still.

I am feeling sooooo guilty about this all. Is it okay to leave him with the CM until late April when he starts at nursery? Am I kidding myself that a nursery could be better for him? Should I launch myself into 1) stopping breastfeeding to encourage him to be happier away from me 2) moving his cot from our room to another room 3)turning his pram around which now faces me.... in essence should I make moves to make him less bonded with me????

I sort of know there are no answers to thsi but it's nice to know that others have had similar experiences....

I think it depends on the type of baby/child as to what childcare you choose. My DS (14 mths) was and still is very clingy. He was a HN baby and required a lot (still does!) of stimulation, entertaining, attention etc. I decided he would be better with someone who could give him more one-to-one attention, just like I could.

I haven't looked back. His CM dotes on him and has been brilliant. When I have told her he is clingy, she just says, "he'll get there in time, some babies just take longer to gain confidence" which reassures me no end. He has come on in leaps and bounds and is so confident now and getting more and more independent. I have nothing against nurseries, I just think for more "challenging" babies I would opt for a CM.

hi fourteeth,im a childminder and most children go through a clingy stage it gets easier i have a 2yr old whom i started looking after at 8months he used to scream every time i moved and if someone knocked on my door he would go mental.i just persevered and now he still follows me around butwill let me go to toilet on my own now!!!my mindee gets so excited when dropped off and is a part of my family.maybe you need a different childminder who will give your son the love and time to settle and to feel secure with her good luck

Your childminder sounds like she is being difficult and not really understanding your child.

I had one childminder who was particularly difficult to talk to, and often said things to undermine me as a parent. It was really hard and I am very glad we are no longer using her. It sounds like things aren't really working out with your childminder...I would look for an alternative if possible.

Good luck.

Me and my ds were actually expelled by our first childminder when he was 9 months. She asked us to leave! She already looked after my best friend's daughter, and I thought I could not have a better recommendation. How wrong I was.

Sleep was the root of it, looking back. She refused to put him to sleep anywhere other than a pushchair, and then when he didn't sleep she said she refused to rock him to sleep in it because she it wasn't fair on my friend's daughter. He would then,(unsurprisingly), get overtired, scream all day, and she would end up bringing him to me and the school where I taught, claiming she had a headache and couldn't cope. She asked me to stop breastfeeding, as she felt that was part of 'the problem'. (I refused).

After she asked us to leave, citing part of the reason as 'he cries at the library, and it's not fair on other people' (don't take a 9 month old to the library then- du uh), she worked 2 weeks notice. During that time, I arrived to find her screaming at my ds for crying when she had left the room to answer the phone. Needless to say, I removed him immediately, and she didn't work the rest of her notice. This woman had been a childminder for 15 years and had received an outstanding Ofsted.

Our second childminder had also worked for 15 years, also received 'outstanding', and is truly an angel. She won my heart when she said 'I will do most things you ask, but just don't ask me to leave him to cry, because I never could'. She solved the sleeping problem by trying various places, finally finding a solution in a a car seat, which ahe rocked for 10 minutes (hardly 'unfair' to her other 2 charges) and after 2 weeks she just needed to put him in it and he would sleep. Obviously he was much more settled he slept. 2 months later and she could put him in a travel cot. Their relationship went from strength to strength, and now he is 3 and they both adore each other.

I can't ask for anything more than the mothering she gives him when I am not there. She is worth her weight in gold, and I am so grateful. There's no way I could expect that kind of relationship from a nursery.

My advice would be to look around for another childminder - I'm so glad we did.

Wow, that is so scary that childminder got an outstanding Feenie!!!!
I think it also goes to show Ofsted is not a reliable indicator with childminders!

I have used 3; the first had 'oustanding', and was very organised and businesslike, her home was like a nursery, but she was a bit detached from the kids, my son was 5 at the time and liked her, but my 2 year old daughter really did not get on with her.

Then we had to use the only childminder available to collect at my son's school. She had 'satisfactory', and was the one I have already mentioned above as difficult to talk to. She took the kids out rarely, and they did watch more tv than I was happy with, but she was ok with them, and my kids were ok with her.

Finally a women I met at a toddler group became a childminder and we now use her. She has just recieved a 'satisfactory', BUT my kids love it at hers, she takes them out on day trips, they bake stuff, make things, etc, live next door to a park they go to lots, generally everything I would want in a childminder, and she has a daughter that gets on so well with my daughter. The 'satisfactory' from Ofsted is based on her not filling in enough risk assemsment forms!!! I feel really upset for her about this, my daughter LOVES going there, and gets SO MUCH out of her time with her. So Oftsed with regards to childminders is at the least misleading... (in my experience)

My DD (15 months) has experience of both.

Initially DD was with a childminder from 9-12 months. She had a bit of seperation anxiety to start with but seemed to get over that fairly quickly. As others have said I thought a childminder would suit DD better and be more 'homely'. However we had problems concerning sleep and the childminder expecting DD to fit into her routine and behave as her kids had done 15 years previously! She underminded my confidence and my ways of doing things that I ended up in tears too many times and decided to move DD to a nursery.

It was the best decision I ever made. I'd heard so many good recommendations about this nursery I went to check it out. The moment I walked in the door I felt at ease. There is no staff turnover, they all love it there and have worked there for 5+ years. DD gets excited as soon as she sees her bag and the nursery door and hugs each member of staff. It's more like a collection of childminders. I find she does so much more at nursery, painting, reading, playing, eating with others. She has come on in leaps and bounds and there are lots of children her age there to play with.

I believe you have to do what suits your child. There are pros and cons for both childminders and nursery but keep searching until you get a gut feeling it's the right childcare for you.

Hi, I'm new- I just looked on here desperate for some advice about the same problem! Thank God youre here! My ds is a year old and is the same. He was fine when I started work 2 months ago, but them was away fro a week when he was ill, and since he's been back, he's been really clingy to the childminder, not leaving her alone while he's in the house, but perfectly happy outside. He sounds like a different child there. At home, I can't keep him on my lap for 5 minutes before he's tearing off! (He's still breastfed and has his buggy facing me etc as well)
The cm said he was n't developing properly because he was so small and he wasn't walking. I was very upset, but I think she is getting frustrated with him as she cant put him down most days. I was a bit worried about moving him, because I thought he would have to get attached to a new cm/nursery. I stil don't know what to do, but its reassuring to know my ds isn't unusually clingy!