am i too protective or is OH expecting too much from ds 3.5

[breaghsmum]

i have always got up in the mornings with ds, given him breakfast and either played with him, or aloowed him to play alone, but supervised, however, OH seems to think that ds should be able to play unsupervised in his room at the weekends untill we are ready to get up. he says it was how he was brought up and it does no harm. opinions please. i dont feel right allowing this to happen.

Doesn't happen here and dcs are 2 & 4, yet they are pretty independent. Can't really envisage this happening until they are old enough to get their own breakfast.

However, I still get a lie in every Saturday as dh gets up with them, give them breakfast and then takes them swimming - bliss.

I think it may depend on the child. My ds is 3.9 and I wouldn't leave him unattended for too long.

DS is 3+8, i let him play unsupervised in his room first thing in the morning if he wakes up early.

But its right next door to my bedroom and i'm listening like a hawk.

He wanders in and out of his room to mine.

Is that wrong then?

Why on earth shouldn't he play on his own in his room if he's happy to do it?

mankymummy same sit as me, ds room is right beside ours. ds is very independant, he does get his own fruit, cereal, milk and spoon at breakfast but i am always there getting my own and its his choice not something i introduced. however if left unsupervised he has in the past climbed up to higher cupboards and has on occasion brought food up to his room. OH got really angry with him, his room does get very untidy if he plays alone in it, and says he should be expected to keep it tidy whether we are supervising or not. i think he's too young to have that type of discipline without little reminders.

if his room is safe and playing happily i would allow it my ds is 3.10 and has played in his room alone since just after 3rd birthday and he has ASD but his room is safe and nothing he can harm himself on and im always listening out too

playing alone is fine, expecting him to be tidy is unrealistic

having tidy room i would not expect i would go in and say come on then lets tidy up now and he will if you want them to play alone at this age and it gives you peace then its nothing to tidy up together this is behavior expected for a much older child to understand to keep room tidy

thanks for responses, it does seem im wrapping him in cotton wool a bit, OH just needs reminding of ds' capabilities. bit of compromise from both sides required.

Absolutely. Ds did this either in his bedroom or downstairs (I made him breakfast, put tv on and went back to bed). Now he is 4 he goes downstairs and makes his own breakfast, puts tv on, plays etc. Don't mind ds making a mess so long as he tidies up when I ask him to.

"OH got really angry with him, his room does get very untidy if he plays alone in it, and says he should be expected to keep it tidy whether we are supervising or not."

This is really sad!

My Dds (5 and 2) are perfectly capable of getting up, turning off the alarm, making breakfast (although I do lay it out the night before), turns on the tv and plays until I get up. Usually for about an hour and a half. DD1 has been doing this since she was 3. However, they are very messy, but I figure that's the price to pay for a lie in!

I don't see that a mess matters-if you are being imaginative you need to make a mess! I always let them play in their room.

the mess doesnt bother me at all, he always tidies it when asked and we usually make a game out of it, its just the thought of him being alone. he is content when playing by himself, but im always either in the room or in the next room, or perhaps upstairs putting washing away, i hate the thought of him feeling lonely but not knowing how to tell us.

I would get him to help you set up a game the night before to play with in the morning.

And let him know that he can come in and say hello.

DS1 is three and comes in for a cuddle and then may play a bit on his own.

I don't let him turn on the tv but that's coz I'm a bit strict with it (in comparision to some).

3 is still little so dont worry about mollycoddlying him!

thanks noonki, setting up a game is a good idea. he comes into my room when he wakes in the morning anyway so he knows he can do this. im just so used to being needed by him that i guess im finding it hard to see that he can manage fine without me.

We actively encourage our 4-year-old twins to play unsupervised or watch telly (weekends only) every morning until they get bored/start fighting/get too hungry. Often we'll get up when their patience runs out, fix them breakfast and set the telly up then go back to bed if it's a Sat/Sun.

I used to be paranoid that they'd hurl themselves out the window, impale themselves on a seemingly innocuous toy or drink bleach, but it hasn't happened yet and the free time is great . It's good for kids to entertain themselves - I was an only child for a long time and have fond memories of playing elaborate games on my own from an early age without any adults being around. If he needs you he'll tell you.

As for tidying up, they'll do it when we say they have to or otherwise there will be no breakfast/tv/treats later, etc etc (delete as appropriate). I think of it as incentivising rather than bribing them . We often have to help them out, but that's only fair as that means you can make them help you tidy up your mess on another occasion! I find it goes quicker if you sing a rousing tidy up song (tidy up now tidy up now tidy uuup tidy uup, etc to the tune of Frere Jaqcues or similar .

Mine stay in their room until we get up (2.5 and almost 4). DD entertains DS who is still in a cot.

I will also leave them downstairs (in front of CBeebies) whilst I drink my coffee in bed. They get a banana each, so they can wait a bit for breakfast.

ok, i feel better now about letting him play alone in his room. i guess its just the same as when im there and i know he'll yell if he needs me. thanks all

My DS 2.4 plays in his room until we're awake. I only know that because when I sleep til 8am because I am so trashed from being woken all night by DD (8mths), DS is playing quietly in his room (he always wakes before 7am). He'll call out or come in to our room if he needs us.
My niece, 3.9 has mild developmental delays (no speech) and entertains herself downstairs whenever she wakes up early.

Would be very happy for ds to play unsupervised within vague earshot - I'm very lucky as he's remarkably sensible about not trashing stuff - but I still don't let him eat if I'm out of earshot as I'd be worried about him choking and not knowing what to do!

Probably irrational at his age (nearly 4)?

are you happy to get up with ds? Sounds a little as if your partner/husband is bossing you around.

Everyone who has posted saying their kids do this has presumably chosen what works for their families, rather than having it imposed on them.