Encouraging your child to have a rich inner world

[BonsoirAnna]

I have always tried to encourage my DD to have an "inner world" (for want of a better word) by letting her find her own entertainment (using whatever she would like that is available around her) rather than structuring her play.

As a result, at 4.4, she makes a lot of mess can amuse herself for hours on her own, talks to herself a lot and is great on imaginative play. Her very favourite playmate is her first cousin, my sister's daughter, who is very much on the same wavelength and the two little girls can play together for days without interference or entertainment from adults.

Sadly, my niece lives in another country so the two little girls don't see one another that often.

The upbringing my DD has is, however, very different from most of the children around us and she isn't on the same wavelength as the children in her class at school.

How have you developed your children's inner world? Are parents/children around you on the same wavelength or not?

I think we can establish some sort of scale then, Anna . With sloppy Swedish children right at the bottom. It is simply not a very competitive society. Thanks to the tax system no doubt.

The French education system is both collectivist (all children in theory at the same school until age 15) and deeply competitive (class rankings in every subject and on average from the first year of primary right through).

If it isn't on the curriculum, it isn't knowledge .

Bonsoir i agree that it is not ALL down to personality, and that we as parents can stultify our kids imagination by providing entertainment all the time.

What I don't agree with is that implication that children who prefer the company of groups of other children are the same as children who require the company of adults, or even that these 2 types of children lack an "inner life"

There is no such implication - you are reading far too much into this thread, which is an exploration of ideas...

It's funny how misleading it can be on screen sometimes. I got the impression from the OP that Anna took the teachers observations very much as a compliment. Screamingabdab got the opposite impression.

Sorry, I don't mean to sound argumentative. I too wish to explore it.

I got what I said above from this:

"most of the children in DDs class need constant entertainment, yes, and like either being entertained by an adult or being in a big group"

You might the thread about quaint children, which I have been following, interesting (sorry, don't know how to do links), but it's in the behaviour/development section as well)

I'll be back

OSOTC - I don't think the teacher was anything but a bit puzzled and wanted to know more. She is very old experienced and very tolerant of the differences between children - she has worked in the bilingual/international school for years so she knows that children are brought up in lots of different ways.

Bonjour, Anna - my dd1 is exactly like your dd. She is half French, but lives in London, and is an eldest child...I have no idea if any of that has any bearing on anything

I told her stories from early on (not just books, but made-up), played 'pretend' games with her, and she has entertained herself or with another child/ren doing the same since she was about 18 months old...very keen on role plays, conversationalist, etc.

I'm not sure I consciously tried to develop her inner world, in fact I'm sure I didn't - just instinctively had fun with her with whatever came to hand (imagination, mostly!).

dd2 is now 2.5 and is similarly inclined, but not to the degree her sister is - I do think some of that is innate, though maybe she hasn't had as much of my time and energy, either

I don't know about the eldest child thing - my sister's DD is her third child, and my DD has two step-brothers, and my younger sister has always had a very rich inner world. But I do think that a combination of leaving your children to their own devices but with plenty of props for imaginative play that are accessible to them without adult help, coupled with stories and "pretend" games from adults and good quality media, can help foster that imaginative inner world.

Oh, by reading the thread I find that I would have written along the lines of Ahundred (my guru emoticon )'s post.

My children had a different upbringing from their peers. In the UK we were different. Here in Italy we are still different.

But they do adapt, I find, more than we are prepared for, really.

Definitely depends on the child as much as of the way you bring them up. DS lives his entire day in a fantasy of some sort of another and spends acres of time working out a role for himself/ others, so doesn't need prompting to play or structure either. Still though he's not much good at playing by himself, as given the choice he'd far, far rather someone played with him. So I think you can encourage the imagination and autonomy, but who they are is who they are iyswim. I do agree though that some parents tend to over structure their kid's lives. If you don't give them space, how can they explore?

Its personality. I have one who does this and one who doesn't.
I was like this and my sister isn't/wasn't.

I think this is largely personality. Dd(3.7) has a 'rich inner life' - draws for hours is otherwise engaged in imaginitive play. But she can't be alone - she wants to play with someone else or have someone nearby when she's drawing. I would love her to play more by herself but it is a very, very slow process. It's not as easy as all that with some children.

I don't think having a rich inner life necessarily means you don't need/want other people.