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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

16mths, still breastfed , wakes at least four times a night, help!

21 replies

stroppyknickers · 19/03/2009 20:45

ds has never slept through and I am a bit in need of advice/ sympathy! I would like to stop feeding now; the others gave up by themselves at about a year. ds is awake most of the day, very clingy, and feeds maybe twice a day. At night, he sleeps by 7.30pm and is put in his cot (he is in his room with me til then) but wakes at about 11pm and I am sooo tired I take him back to bed and then that's it! Any advice beyond leave him to cry?

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deaconblue · 19/03/2009 21:29

are you bf him when he wakes at night? If so I would start by only offering water at night.
I really liked the baby whisperer's pick up put down techinque when ds was little and a pain at night. There's a version of it for babies your ds' age. With dd I was so tired and desperate I was able to be hard as nails and did controlled crying for a couple of nights to stop night wakings. Both methods worked, pupd was much less guilt inducing but took longer, cc made me feel dreadful but was amazingly effective.

biggernow · 19/03/2009 21:31

hello...

i stopped the evening breastfeeding with my DS at 14 months-(kept morning feed which he eventually rejected because my milk was going) and he was sick for 3 nights in a row he was so angry with me. Sounds mean, but I didn't give in- I stayed with him, comforting etc and eventually he took bottle of cows milk and LOVES it now. (although I should not be giving him bottle, I am not prepared for THAT battle right now)

I then did my own method of Controlled Crying- basically a softy version- and it worked in 2 weeks. Unless teething or unwell he sleeps from 6.30pm to 6.30am...amazing- before I stopped breastfeeding he would wake at least once in middle of night...... Now CC works everytime I need to get him back on track.

Maybe stop feed during day first as easier to distract.....then cold turkey night feeds after a week. You will probably have 3 bad nights- for sake of weeks after of delicious sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp!!!

Good luck. Stay strong- there will be a protest, but he will forget I promise!

slayerette · 19/03/2009 21:37

It depends on what you're prepared to do, I think. If you can be firm about weaning him - offering a feed first thing in the morning and last thing at night, maybe, and just offering cow's milk in a beaker otherwise during the day, water at night - and are prepared to put up with a few disrupted nights to settle him into a new routine, then it is doable. Either the pick up put down routine or the controlled crying - whatever you're comfortable doing.

piscesmoon · 19/03/2009 21:37

I just gave water at night.

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 20/03/2009 20:22

Just got back on line after hideous techno free day. Thank you for all your good advice; seems like general opinion is toughen up and make a plan? I'm kind of giving in and hoping he will miraculousy stop...I am bf at night, mainly to get him back to sleep so the other three don't wake up. If you do pupd, what do you do while they are pupped? I'm going to try this tonight. At least try to keep him out of our bed. Happy Mothers Day me!

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deaconblue · 21/03/2009 11:00

pick up put down, you put them down in their own bed, say "sleepy time" (you choose what to say but repeat exactly the same every time and keep it brief). As soon as they cry you pick them up again, wait til screaming has reduced then immediately put them down again "sleepy time". Don't be tempted to hold them til they look sleepy, just til they calm slightly. If he cries on the way back down, still put him into the cot, then lift straight back out again.
You may have to do this many many times but eventually the amount of time between picking up and putting down will grow and he will drop off in his bed not in your arms. Be prepared. I had to lift ds up and down for 1 1/2 hours on his first waking, 45 mins on the 2nd waking and 10 mins for his lunchtime nap the following day. BUT the next night he didn't wake at all and has from that day on (unless ill) gone to sleep on his own.
The book reckons you should expect 3 tough nights before it gets better, but it really is worth it. I found that reminding myself that the zillion times I'd picked him up became pointless if I gave in helped me stick to it.
Good luck, let us know how it goes

deaconblue · 21/03/2009 11:01

sorry just realised you wnated to try last night.

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 21/03/2009 16:11

thankyou - i've never heard of that. Last night we decided no more co-sleeping so he did get fed but no coming into bed - small steps! I am going to try yr method tonight! On a roll!

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JoyS · 21/03/2009 17:57

We had good luck with DH comforting DD1 in the night, it seemed like she couldn't rest without having a nip if I was there but she accepted just cuddles from him.

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 21/03/2009 20:51

Good advice - trouble is he is so used to feeding that he doesn't really wake up, more an hysterical sobbing while still asleep, until he finds a nipple! I am going to try the pick up/ put down thing - have primed dh to use the same words tonight!

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jkklpu · 21/03/2009 20:57

Is your dh up for trying it on his own for a couple of nights? At 15mo, my ds2 only broke his lovely comfy (for him) habit of waking up to bf after I slept downstairs for 3 or 4 nights. When ds2 woke up, dh would take him into bed with him and hold him until he went back to sleep, having realised the bar wasn't open. It didn't take long for him to understand that there was no point waking up in the middle of the night. Although he still never sleeps past 6am (often closer to 5), it makes such a difference knowing that he's not going to be up halfway through the night. He shares a room with ds1 now, which is fantastic.

Good luck - it's worth getting through this for everyone.

luvaduck · 21/03/2009 22:04

have you seen this method

we are on night two of it tonight - I have a 18 mo ds who feeds through the night. Like you, he starts off in his cot, and then co sleeps from about 11pm. exhausting. am pregnant too.

Last night was ok- we actually put him in his own room to start and then brought him in for quick 5 min breastfeed (usually 20 mins) and then co slept. He cried for an hour and half but eventually went to sleep by himself, and we had massively reduced the amount he bf. It wasn't horrific crying - as when we tried to do cc - just grumpy and angry.

Tonight we'll try a 3 min bf and then tomorrow cold turkey with dh settling him with water in his own room.

will let you know how it goes!!

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 22/03/2009 11:21

oooh, luvaduck I've saved that and will read it properly later. jkkplu - dh does try but it's hard as he works a lot and needs to be 'fresh' in the mornings (I'm ok with this what with credit crunch scary stuff) He did get up last night and give ds Horlicks which did work in place of me. I dream of sleeping til 6am....

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saraya · 22/03/2009 20:34

This may help some of those who saher my sad state of affairs! my ds is 10.5 months now and wakes up several times a night to suckle ( it is not always the milk he is after!) and as many of you said i am so tired i just give in and to prevent his crying from waking up my 3 year old i offer him my breast very readily and hence lay him beside me in our bed and this cycle goes on endlessly from about 4 am till 6 am. i am desperate to wean him now but have no clue as how unless i just stop fullstop and put up with the crying( could try the holidays when we can afford the 3 year old waking?)..oooohhh moan i am so annoyed and feel i have failed a second time in getting the breastdeeing thing in order! i am sure it is all about habit and not need and so breaking the cycle is what i need to do ..

rolledhedgehog · 22/03/2009 22:52

Sounds like my DS2 who is 13 months. He has always been a terrible sleeper and is also reluctant to sleep during the day. I have tried CC and it did not work for more than a couple of nights and never really stopped him waking just made him easier to settle back down. Co-sleeping does not work - he wakes more often.

DH has now taken over going to him when he wakes and he will settle for him whereas for me he gets hysterical until fed so I am really hoping this will stop him waking eventually!

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 23/03/2009 07:43

saraya - you sound like me! rolled - we found co-sleeping means he feeds much more.
He only woke twice last night under the new Horlicks regime! yay! Really appreciaitng the support here at the moment. x

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Trinityrhino · 23/03/2009 07:52

good luck to you all
I cant do cc and gecko is still waking 4 times a night at 25 months

acebaby · 23/03/2009 09:33

We had the same thing with DS1. DH went in to him and offered him water. It took 3 weeks of persistence before the sleep improved (to waking up once a night and getting up at 4am, but better than before...)

Trinityrhino - as you will have gathered, DS1 was a terrible sleeper. He abruptly started sleeping through at 2.6 with no controlled crying or sleep training of any kind apart from dropping the night feeds. Since then, he has only woken up between 7 and 7 when ill or wet, so there is hope!

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 23/03/2009 13:48

Trinity - poor you! I can't do cc - can't sleep with poor sobbing child next door. Suspect he knows this...

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saraya · 24/03/2009 09:05

stroppyknicekrs what is this Horlicks regime? sounds like it may save my life!!! gosh i dream of sleeping ..moan!

Original poster

stroppyknickers · 24/03/2009 20:15

Well, dh gives ds a bottle of warm Horlicks instead of me going in and feeding him and it is working quite well - twice a night not five times a night! Maybe I should write a book on it! Not scientific at all but I too dreamed of sleep (as op says!)

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