hands in pants

[jacksma]

My 3 1/2 year old ds seems to have his hands permanently in his pants and often takes his willy out of his pants and trousers to play with. Every time he does it I ask him to stop and have explained why it is not a good idea to do it but he just forgets and now seems to do it as a habit. His nursery school have today complained about it saying he does it all the time and when he gets his willy out the other children stare at him. They are saying it is a problem and I know it is a problem but I have no idea what to do to stop him. I have explained that other children won't want to be his friend, have said that willies are private and not to be shown to others etc...Has anyone ANY ideas, I am really at a loss?

trousers with a tight belt?

Jeez at the school. He's 3 and a half for fecks sake: they ALL do it at this age (and some carry on well into their 40s...)

It is not a problem it is normal and it is partly their job (at school) to sort it out. They need to reward him for not doing it, as perhaps do you: you're doing the right things by saying fiddle away in private but that we don't do it in public because it upsets some other people. Can you do a sticker chart and prize after a morning, then a day, then 2 days etc of not doing it?

Why is it a problem? They are only cureous about their bodies, and as a lot of children do it at that age ... i wouldnt worry

That's a very unhealthy attitude to perfectly healthy behaviour. Tell them you are managing it at home and they can bloody well do the same. Do not be embarrassed by this and do not let them make you feel like it is a 'problem' because it bloody well isn't What are they? a bunch of sodding nuns ?!?! Sorry, to rant, but P L E E E E A S E !!!!

Don't waste precious time fretting about it whatever you do.

DS1 (nearly 12) always has his hands down his pants. DS2 (9) isn't as bad, but then he does not stay still long enough in one place...

Actually that makes me feel a lot better, part of my worry was that being told by a load of women not to touch your will seemed a sort of freudian nightmare and I really don't want him to become self conscious about his body at such a very young age. I have started a reward chart and he has not been doing it in public since. He did ask me why he can touch his foot and not his willy, which I thought was a fair point really!

All I see sometimes in my house is willies! Ds's are 2.10 and 4.3 yo.

If I had a £ for everytime they'd had their hand down their pants or waved their willies in the breeze...

just distract him= give him something interesting to play with/fiddle with when he's doing it. He's not doing it in preference to other play, is he?

My DS is 5 and every time we catch his hands down his pants DP threatens to go get the knife and cut it off

it does work...his hands do wander (inevitable as he is male) but as soon as we say we're off to get a knife, he knows we mean business and the hands are hastily removed.

I firmly tell my son that its private and that its reserved for their bedroom (god what problems am I creating for teen-dom!!!) but I don't want to see him 'fiddling'

I meant 'his' bedroom, not 'their'

omg Boys2mam, I am so shocked by this - threatening your child with a knife???? I am speechless- is this not child abuse??

Hate the knife thing - sorry.

I reckon the nursery ought to wonder why he's got time for willie-fiddling. He should be too busy for hobbies like that!

All I can say is that it's something all boys (and men) do, and that this, like everything, will pass - especially if nobody makes a big deal of it (nursery ought to be ashamed of itself!!!)

Few grown men fiddle with their willies in public. Those few who do are likely to be ones who were made to feel dirty and shameful about it as children.

I'd just go for a) giving his hands something more interesting to do; and b) carry on telling him, without turning it into a Big Ishoo, that it's fine to fiddle with his willy, but not in public!

PS Boys2 - you are joking?

FGS - all boys do this. It's only a willy, for pete's sake. I have a 2 year old, an 11 year old and a 46 year old male in my house - all of whom fiddle with their dangly bits to their hearts content! He will grow out of fiddling with it in public in the next couple of years, but the more of an issue you make of it the more it will become an issue, iykwim. Leave the lad alone!

Your 3 1/2 yr old DS sounds like my 39 1/2 yr old DH.

my boys still fiddle and they're 7 & 9!
Usually not in public though
Mind you I did notice ds1 have quick nervous fiddle during his football match on Saturday
Nursery are being ridiculous so don't worry. This can't be the first time they've seen it. Tell them to reinforce what you are doing at home.

I think I'd rather put up with him fiddling than threaten to chop it off .

I treat it in the same way as I would if he were picking his nose or biting his nails.

And the more you comment on it, the more he is bound to do it.

My dd (4) plays with her bits a lot. We've recently had some success in getting her to stop by saying that she has to wash her hands each time she does it (backed up by lots of talk about hygiene and the fact her sister has had various sickness bugs recently). It seems to have worked and it's not disapproving of a fairly natural behaviour, but it's obviously a pain for her to wash her hands all the time.

I'm hoping she won't grow up to think everything below her waist is all dirrrty though