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Help.. 3yr old and new baby...

11 replies

MrsJenM · 18/03/2009 21:21

Could do with some advice pls.

I've got a 3yr old girl and just had (21st Feb) a little boy. DD great with baby but has become quite naughty with me and DH. I can see that its to do with getting attention and I and DH do try v hard but lately seem to be failing.

How do you keep sane and not turn into a screaming banshee with DD when DS still so young and needing lots of attention too (and getting me up 4 times a night to feed, so I'm knackered anyway!)

Any and all tips greatfully received.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
kingfix · 18/03/2009 21:26

Just watching anxiously as will be in the same boat v soon...

specialmagiclady · 18/03/2009 21:28

Telly telly telly!

No seriously, try and make sure you're kind to DD when DS is asleep - but make sure she knows what is not acceptable, behaviour-wise.

And if you're BFing, read DD a story when you're feeding DS - that way it's special 3 of you time.

Your DS is going to need loads of attention for ever so in a way she'll have to get used to it. That said, my ds1 is constantly constantly pushing the boundaries and has done since he got a brother.

And if you'd have seen me in Asda car park yesterday I was a proper screaming banshee. And my kids sleep well. It. will. happen. to. you. It is ALLOWED.

EachPeachPearMum · 18/03/2009 21:31

this was me 6 weeks ago!

Keeping on top of the behaviour is important- she needs to know the 'rules' haven't changed. She is testing you because she wants to know whether you still love her, so lots of hugs, kisses, reassurance alongside the admonishments.

I was so tired because my dd wqas waking in the night alongside ds... so I was running up and down the corridor between the 2, settling one then the other. That has all stopped now, and my DD is in the swing of things- she is getting used to the changes and the slightly different routine.

I have been helped by the fact that she attends nursery, so I am not rubbing it in her face when I'm spending lots of cuddly time with DS- when she is home I can really concentrate on her and ignore not worry about the baby.

The first weeks are mayhem though... get as much help as you can- when people offer- take it! it makes a huge difference to your energy levels. Try and get them to feed you too

HTH

theyoungvisiter · 18/03/2009 21:38

I have a 2.10 year old and a 3 month old.

I don't know what the answers are really as it depends so much from child to child but what's worked (mostly!) for us is:

Lots of exercise - getting out of the house every single day rain or shine, preferably morning and afternoon. Plenty of exercise seems to reduce the potential for boredom/playing up.

Special time with mummy and daddy every day (for the toddler). He has a bath most days with his dad and then I put him to bed and if the baby screams then it screams - DH deals - it's our special time.

Involving the toddler as much as poss in the baby's care - help changing nappies, washing, sharing baths, lots of (supervised) cuddles.

Lots of praise, "you are being such a good older brother cuddling so nicely, DS2 thinks you are so clever riding your bike, look at him watching you (even if he's not!), thank you for helping me with DS2's nappy you were a real help (even if he wasn't!)" - you get the picture.

Time with other adults - lots of attention from granny etc, making sure that people who come to the house to admire the new baby play with DS1 lots as well.

Reading lots of stories about baby brothers and sisters at all stages - talks about how he can teach DS2 things when he's a bit bigger, books like Alfie and Annie Rose, Charlie and Lola, etc - trying to show him the positives of having a baby brother.

And it may sound weird but we potty trained him about a month after the new baby arrived - which sounds like a major hassle but I think he liked the attention, plus we did it with bribery (stickers) so he enjoyed that too! If there is a project you can share with your DD then perhaps a good time to start it?

Er, can't think of anything else (knackered!) but those tactics seemed to work for us (so far anyway) as DS1 has actually been really, really good with the new baby, the only thing is his sleep has gone to pot sadly, I am currently up once with DS2 and 3 or 4 times with DS1, ho hum.

Good luck, it does get a LOT easier when the newborn isn't quite so needy.

theyoungvisiter · 18/03/2009 21:40

cross-posted with the other two - really good advice and I agree with the telly suggestion! Cbeebies is our life-saver at the moment, it has got us through many a boring nursing session .

plenty of time to cut down when we are all a bit stronger...

specialmagiclady · 18/03/2009 21:40

Yes - would agree re potty training, it gave him something that was really special and for him alone.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 18/03/2009 21:40

If you can do something special with your DD, We were lucky in the fact that my parenst live just down the road so were happy to have DS while we went swimming or on the swings with DD.

dinkystinky · 18/03/2009 21:43

I have a nearly 3 year old and a 5 week old - our eldest son has been acting up (v clingy, not eating well etc) since DS2 arrived. TV is a life saver when I need to deal with DS2 when alone with DS1 - he also gets to look at the Cbeebies website with me when bfing no 2 which he loves. I agree that positive reinforcement helps (we have a star chart for DS1 to put stickers on when he is good with his behaviour) and I try to make sure I have one to one quality time with DS1 when DS2 sleeps (so am like a walking zombie). It is just a phase and will pass - I have to keep telling myself this.......

MrsJenM · 19/03/2009 10:25

Thanks everyone. You know your not the only but when your in the midst of it, its easy to feel like that.

There is some great advice here. Already this am been giving lots more love and cuddles and telling her baby bro thinks she's great and have had dividends.

Visiting granny later and read DD story whilst feeding baby last night and that worked a treat.

And the TV is indeed a life saver - literally.

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outnumbered2to1 · 20/03/2009 23:24

oh god this was me two years ago! DS1 was sooooooooooo used to it just being us two (since his twat of a father decided he'd rather go "find himself" than be a dad Grrr rant over sorry) that when DS2 (the product of a very drunken fumble on the third night out i ever allowed myself after DS1 was born ) his wee world as he knew collapsed. Oh my god he was a nightmare aided by my mother who spent all day every day pointing out that he was "only looking for attention". unfortunately DS2 was born with very severe dislocations in both hips and was at the hospital every monday to have his body brace re-checked and was a very fussy baby anyway because of the discomfort he was in. I always made sure that anytime DS2 was asleep i made a huge fuss of DS1 and when DS2 was awake would keep him involved by asking him to help me with DS2's nappy changes (letting him put the bum cream on etc)or snuggling in with me for a story while i BF. hang in there it will get easier. My two are now inseperable and everything DS1 does DS2 is right behind him like his shadow

MrsJenM · 24/03/2009 21:01

Hi Outnumbered, It's amazing how 'helpful' mothers can be in the advice respect. I now politely smile at mum as she passes on advice that is in direct contradiction the advice she gave me with DD.

Been paying DD loads of attention when DS asleep (which, luckily for me and my sanity is a lot of the time) and she's helping out with him when awake and I have to say, things have improved vastly.

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