4 year old "informally" suspended from pre-school...

[specialmagiclady]

3 times in the last fortnight he's been excluded from the class for hurting children who "aren't doing what I want" and just not being sorry at all.

For the safety of other children I've been asked not to take him in again either a) for a period of a couple of weeks or b) until we can put an Individual Education Plan in place.

If i don't take him in for a couple of weeks that will take us over the Easter holidays too... so effectively 4 weeks out.

As far as I'm concerned that's a punishment for me as much as him.

What can I do?

That sounds like a very productive meeting specialmagiclady. I'm glad you've agreed some positive strategies.

Try and encourage him to "use his words", i.e. put his feelings into words and explain why he is behaving aggressively - every time it happens. If you can get to the bottom of exactly how and why these scraps are unfolding from his perspective you can then show him other ways of resolving them, i.e. by using his words to express himself and tell other children what he wants and what he is thinking without resorting to violence.

I know a nursery that uses this (Montessori) technique consistently with 3 and 4 year olds and it works amazingly well. We use it at home too - it really helps to develop children's social skills and emotional literacy.

When my ds was that age I used to talk through his behaviour with him, both good and bad, and how he felt about whatever he had done. If his reaction wasn't what I'd expect then I'd talk to him about the reaction I'd expect him to have and why. He is 5 in the summer and I still do that now. For example bedtime routine has been a bit of a nightmare recently and tonight he did exactly what I wanted him to do when I asked him to do it (rather than me ending up using my shouty voice and making him cry ). By talking through his good behaviour it sows a seed in his mind for the next time he thinks about kicking off and it seems to work. Ds was at a Montessori for 2.5 years and I do think they place more of an emphasis on emotional maturity than an average pre-school (shaking hands with the teacher each morning etc).

Yes yes - I quite agree. He has been positive angel today. I told him he couldn't have ice cream because he didn't deserve one. I left him in park with friend, he then told her he didn't deserve one as he had been naughty. Bless. He's just not as sneaky as I thought...

You St Matting Sat am. I have been offered a lie in by DH - well, a return to my couch as I know I won't be able to resist interfering helping to get them out of house. Why not persuade C that - what with it being mother's day and that - you can be allowed morning off. I will buy you a cake at Tart and everything...