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Eating/food issues - very fussy, slow eater

5 replies

MissMoopy · 18/03/2009 16:56

Help!!!
I am so stressed about my daughters eating/food issues. She is 4 and has always been a fussy madam!
She lives on houmous, beans on toast and peanut butter. She also eats apples, carrots and drinks fresh orange juice, but thats it!
She will not try anything new and gets really anxious and stressed if asked to. She also takes a long time to eat. She is a healthy weight.
Nursery rang me today because she wouldn't eat beans because they had also given her jacket potato and the beans had touched the potato.
Most of the time I manage to be a rational human about it and hope she grows out of it eventually but today I am just at the end of my tether.
I don't know what to do to make it better and yet really want to avoid making it too big a deal as don't want to reinforce food issues. I also get really scared that this will last and she will get worse....
Help!!!! Any other Mums with fussy children out there?

OP posts:
purepurple · 18/03/2009 20:25

I am a nursery nurse and this is more common than you think.
I also have my own fussy eater. My DD is 12 and has always been a fussy eater.
I used to be like you and fret and worry and her bad eating became a real issue in our house with DH become quite angry that she wouldn't eat.
But she continued to develop normally despite quite a restricted diet. I learnt to just let her eat what she wanted and she has now recently started to try new food. She asked for bacon and she ate it but didn't like it.
But I could have cried seeing her putting the food in her mouth.
She now eats
pizza, but only thin crust, cheese or tomato
chicken breast
quorn burgers
tomato soup
and not much else
BUT she is 5"1 and has just started her period
I am still working on her but it is slow going but the food she does eat, she enjoys and I am building on that. small steps!
So, my advice would be to not worry too much, try to introduce new foods but don't make an issue out of it.

KHS · 18/03/2009 20:55

Sounds like a pretty healthy diet to me, at least for starters! But I do understand why you're stressed about it. One of mine was very fussy and still is to some extent. I became very frustrated about it initially when he was about 2 and refusing lots of foods, always picking his sandwiches apart, etc. But I could sense that I had a power struggle on my hands so decided to set some clear boundaries. I kept cooking him and his brother different things that I suspected he'd like if he tried it (i.e. not too complicated) and put it in front of him. He could choose whether or not to eat it, but if he didn't I'd make it clear that there'd be no dessert and no more food until the next meal (except fruit snacks and water of course if he needed it). I tried very hard not to be angry or negative, but just say in a neutral tone that this is dinner and if you don't want it it that's OK, but there won't be anything else to eat until breakfast, etc.

I know this sounds harsh but it worked. I did it consistently ever since and after some long battles at the dinner table, tears and tantrums and desperately hungry mornings when he hadn't eaten his dinner, he now eats nearly everything, although it can still take ages. It does help that he has a sweet tooth so I can tempt him with nice desserts. I'm not saying this approach will work for everyone, but it certainly did with us. Giving small portions to start with is key so it's easier for them to eat it all up.

Like purepurple says I think this is very common and a lot of it boils down to control. Kids can sense that we desperately want them to eat, and therefore claim some control over their lives by saying no. The harder we push, the more they refuse. I also believe fussy eaters are created, not born. A lot of kids get away with being extremely fussy because their parents find it easier to go along with it than to challenge it.

So I think it's worthwhile trying to expand your daughter's horizons a bit but without forcing it or being punitive. Talk about it with her in a calm way and explain why you'd like her to eat more things. Why doesn't she want to? Listen to what she says. Explore the market for books aimed at fussy eaters. (When my other son had issues with pooing on the loo it was a book about a boy who had the same problem I found on Amazon that cracked it.) Read books about food together at the library or choose something from a recipe book that you can make together. Involve her in cooking as much as possible and encourage her to try new things. Make faces out of food and have fun eating the monster's eye, teeth, etc. Use her favourite things as ingredients in new recipes. Invite friends over for tea - kids love sharing meals together. Give her stars on a chart for trying new things and explain why it's important to eat lots of different things (it makes you grow up to be strong and clever, etc). Take her food shopping and talk about the stuff you are buying - what it looks like and smells like and what you can make with it. If you make it fun it could take the pressure out of the whole situation.

MissMoopy · 18/03/2009 22:11

Thank you so much. I feel calmer now! Have decided not to make issue of it anymore as you are both right, its a healthy diet and she is otherwise happy!
Whilst I understand the argument for just making dinner and letting her go hungry if she chooses not to eat it, and have considered it, she is a very stubborn child and I worry that this would make matters worse.
It is entirely about control and I think I have to let her have control for now. She is otherwise a very good girl, and a rule follower. And I keep reminding myself, that if this is all I have to worry about I am very lucky!

OP posts:
Bigpants1 · 19/03/2009 00:03

Hi.Im not so sure dc not eating/restricting eating is all about control-and as you said yourself, she is a good girl and a rule follower.I do think some dc have sensory issues with food-taste,texture,smell,colour etc.(some dc on the Autistic spectrum,have very restricted diets but still thrive-i spoke to a mum the other day, and her dd will only eat 3 things-one being tomato sauce-as in ketchup). Whilst im not suggesting your dd is on the spectrum, i do think she perhaps has a sensory issue with it.She is eating a healthy diet, so why not let her eat it and enjoy it-it is only a problem if she fails to thrive. My dd is 3 and really not interested in food-apart from chicken nuggets. But, she has recently started nursery, and the dc have healthy snacks there, and some days shell try it, others not.She is bright, healthy and has loads of energy, so i think her eating will improve when shes ready.I think its impotrant, that if you decide to allow your dd to eat the things she likes, the Nursery should do the same, so dd does not get upset.Many dc dont like their food touching on a plate-and if dd likes beans, but not potato, the nursery could give her a plate of beans, and maybe a small bit of potato on a seperate plate, for her to try or not.

screamingabdab · 20/03/2009 18:08

MissMooopy I have left my (very long) top tips on another food thread .

The thread's called HELP!!! dated Thurs 19th march

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