19mo DS wakes every night and screams/cries - will not sleep unless in our bed and even then only sometimes

[Victoria72]

He wakes at around midnight and starts crying. I try two things: I either (a) do not look at him just put him down, cover him and leave the room or (b) pick him up cradle him till he goes off and then put him down again. Either way he sits up bolt right and continues to scream/cry. We try the control crying method which, approaching 1am in the morning, is quite a challenge, and eventually after about an hour and a half I just feel it's not working and bring him into bed. Sometimes he goes off alright once in with us. Last night though he lay there fidgeting, kicking his legs, trying to get out of bed until 2.30am.

My husband and I are exhausted. Any ideas? PLEASE!!

Hi victoria, you poor thing I know how terrible sleep deprivation is. And how terrible to hear your DS crying through the night. I have an 18mo who has presented me with a whole range of sleep challenges bless his little cotton socks!

Can I ask how long your DS has been doing this? Has he always had difficulty getting back to sleep or is this a new thing?

Could he be hungry? Have you tried giving him milk, or a banana?

DD2 was exactly the same. DH works away all week so i just gave into temptation and let her into our bed during the week. Often she would be jumping up and down, or even leaving the bed when she thought I was asleep and going on night time excursions through the house. Once found her down stairs with her shoes and coat on ready to go and play in the garden.
I tried all sorts, but now at 3 1/2 she finally spends (most) nights in her own bed. She never really got the hang of going back to sleep by herself even as a tiny baby, and after my DD1 who was a brilliant sleeper it was a huge shock, Sorry no practical advise, just upmost sympathy.
Even now she is up and about at 6am each day.

We had a spate of it before Christmas but then over Christmas as we were on holiday we were up till 2am-3am most mornings anyway so we battled it out and it seemed to work, but it does seem more severe this time and he will not relent.

I'm not sure if he's hungry, he does eat quite well and has a good 9oz of milk when he goes to bed. My husband takes him for long walks i.e. 1 1/2 hours so he should be knackered. I just feel if I give him something to eat or drink it will wake him up even more and then I will be VERY AFRAID!!! He might never go back to sleep!!!

Could he be teething? My DS is always very wakeful during teething patches. I have given up trying to get him back to sleep. I wake him up fully, give him water and sugar free oatcakes and read him books. He's usually asleep again in an hour- 2 at it's peak. It's not ideal but at least I don't feel stressed that way and he stays in his own room so one of us gets a good night's sleep (usually DP!). He always reverts back to the normal sleeping patterns when the teeth are fully through without much fuss.

Also, I can't recommend white noise highly enough. We use the radio crackle. As he looks sleepy, we put it on and turn it up gradually as we read to him (sometimes louder than you would think!). It zonks him out and can help him sleep longer, particularly in the morning after a difficult night.

My DS can also still manage a wakeful night after an extremely active day- I have no idea how he manages it!!! I comfort myself with the thought that his tenacity will stand him in good stead for the future

I know my solutions are not ideal, but they are the best I have! Otherwise, you could read NCSS for toddlers which has some nice ideas.

I don't think he's teething as he got his teeth really early on. But you never know. I might try giving him a bit of milk and putting on a CD - he normally falls asleep to a little classical music so I might give that a go. I've heard chloroform is good. JOKE.

It'd be good if you could though, eh? JOKE TOO!

Hi - my 22 month old DS did just this on and off for months and it got worse recently when new sister arrived. He spent up to 3 hours a night crying and shouting 'I want mummy' in the middle of the night. With a new baby needing 3 hourly feeds I just couldn't cope with this as well.

HV suggested that I go into his room just once when he awakes during the night and check that he wasn't unwell, say 'night night' quietly and then walk out and shut the door and then let him cry it out and do not go back in......
Previously I was going in to comfort him every 10 mins or so - which the HV said was 'rewarding him' for his screams.

The first night was 2.5 hours of non stop screaming which reduced by about 1/2 hour a night over the next few nights and this week he has slept through 11 hours solid all week. It is the first time he has done that. The thing with controlled crying is that if you back down - even after a couple of hours they will know that eventually you will relent and so of course they they keep it up until you do. I must admit that it is really, really tough and I spent those first couple of nights in tears but it has been worth it so far....he is now also a lot happier during the day too as he is well rested too.

Good luck!

Calico1 - I know you are right. I did this before and it did work. It's just when he picks those times ie I work full time and then study from 9pm to 12am and it's at that point when he starts and then doesn't seem to stop. I find it hard to cope on 3 1/2 hours sleep a night. My husband and I share it for the most part but I still lie there awake until he goes off.

But, you ARE right and I know I am just going to have to bite the bullet. I was worried however, if he might be suffering from night terrors - and then I'd feel really mean if I just left him. I can't decide what to do for the best. The screaming is just so heart-wrenching.

Yeah I know.....DS has had night terrors too, but he does act very differently then and actually thrashes about and doesn't want to be picked up but I do stay in the room with him then and wait for him to calm down and drop off....eventually!

It's the worst thing when they are crying out for mummy at night and you don't go in - I found it very stressful but for us anyway it has worked so far. Wouldn't do it if he has a cold or any other sort of illness though....