Please help: concerned, frustrated and guilty re educational development

[Hther]

i really feel i have failed my daughters

i don't feel they are doing what they should be doing for their ages, i have never been very good at knowing what they should know at what age and i know all are different and we shouldn't compare too much but i think they should be doing more than this

as i said i know yo can't really say at what age should they do something so if i word it like this instead:

at what age would you be concerned if they can't read yet,
what age would you be concerned if they didn't recognise all their letters or numbers

i find it so hard to do stuff with them, as i have a demanding toddler who makes it hard to even read stories to them as he rips the book out of my hand and screams, and a 7 month old baby who wants to be held constantly and cries when put down even if he was fast asleep in your arms and has reflux really badly so i'm always washing

i felt eldest wasnt ready for school yet so i decided to delay until she is compulsory school age, ie after the easter holiday, but then felt she may get behind so when she was offered a full time place at nursery i said yes, thinking they'd have more time with her and also knew how to "teach" her. However, iboth she and her younger sister who seemed to know more than she did seem to know less know, ahve forgotten a lot of letters.

What is the minimum that would be expected at age 5 and 2 months and just 4. When i do have time to do stff with them, youngest gets bored, eldest frustrated if she cant do it, and they so moan to watch telly, the latter being thanks to having a very annoying person around who introduced them to telly; until then they hardly knew what a telly was!)

w

I have a 4 yr old who doesn't recognise all his numbers and letters and I am not concerned.

if he was eager to learn I would encourage him. but he isn't.
I'm happy to wait until he starts school and let them teach him

So your oldest is due to start school after Easter? The most useful thing you can teach her is to get herself dressed and undressed (makes it a million times easier for the teacher when it's time for PE) and to be happy with other children and adults. Oh, and if she can hold a pencil correctly, that would be a huge bonus!

She does not need to recognise any letters but it would help if she could recognise her name. When she starts school, I would imagine they will talk to you about how to help her learn to read and write letters.

Please don't worry. I think we are constantly made to feel like we are failing are children - other people's children always seem to be able to do more! Try not to get stressed about it.

Don't worry - whatever she's behind on, they'll help her with and I'd bet it's not much. There's a lot of research says kids pick up reading, etc really quickly if you let them wait until they're ready/ older. Stop fretting. nondomestic's advice about being independent getting dressed, etc is spot on.

Gosh I thought you were going to say your child was 10 or something! There's nothing wrong in children not knowing their letters and numbers before they reach compulsory school age. That's what school is for.

As has been said, it helps if she can manage her own clothes, and obviously going to the loo and washing hands etc. Also taking turns, and managing her packed lunch or school lunch. Blowing her own nose. That sort of stuff, so the teacher can do what teachers are trained to do and teach her the letters and numbers and all the rest of it.

I think MN sometimes is a bit weird, because so many mums on here go on about how their kid is already reading chapter books at 3 and they'll be so bored in school .