3 yr old suddenly refusing to poo

[rony]

My 3 and a half year old dd has suddenly started refusing to do poos, she was a tiny bit constipated a couple of weeks ago, since then she seems terrified of doing one so is holding them in, and now constantly complaining her "tummy and bottom hurt".

She has been perfectly toilet trained for over a year now, never had any problems before. She wears pullups at night but doesn't like doing them in there either, she is going several days between each poo and only going when she can't hold it in any longer. When she does go it is fine, perfectly soft so it shouldn't be hurting her. She is also even refusing to do a wee until she absolutely has to.

She eats a great diet, loads of fruit and veg and fibre.

Really don't know how to deal with this, her constant shouting and wailing about her tummy and bottom are really getting to me, and I'm finding it really hard not to get cross with her - it's just really frustrating!

Ideas please!

Take her to the doctors and get her some lactulose. It will soften her stools and make them less painful to pass. She's scared it will hurt and she may well have a small anal fissure (a tear in the wall of the rectum) if she's been straining and that can really hurt when you poop. I don't blame her for not wanting to. It's not about how soft it feels to you, it's what it feels like to her.

Also increase the fluids in her diet - constipation is often caused by lack of water.

You might also want to encourage her to sing when she goes, this relaxes the sphincter (yes seriously) and reduces the ouchy factor. If you can make up a silly song about poo so much the better. Or try and make her laugh, that'll help too. Try a book like 'Who's in the Loo' (it's quite rude for a toddler book!)

We tried the lactulose already last week, it actually ended up making it too soft, actually barely even solid. I don't think the problem is that she's actually constipated, as when she goes it doesn't seem to be hurting her any more, I think it's that she's developed a fear of it in her head.

I do think she should probably drink more fluids and I've been trying to get her to, the trouble is she's very stubborn and if she doesn't want to then she won't.

I agree about trying to relax her, will give that more of a go.

Singing will definitely relax her then. It is hard when they get it into their heads that it will hurt though.

Have you tried the one to ten method. You have to say a number one to ten to describe how much it hurts - the idea being, getting her to acknowledge it doesn't hurt that much or indeed at all. To help her get her confidence back, know that you are acknowledging she's finding it hard and also feel like she has a bit of control over the situation (even if it's only verbalising how it feels)?

Oh god, that sounded really verbose even to me