Shy at 3yrs, 8mths- is there anything I can do?

[moonbird]

My dd is 3yrs and 8mths and at pre-school nursery. She is really very shy and I want to know if there is anything that I can do to bring her out of herself? At times I think I need to just sit back and let her just be herself and then I think, there must be something that I can do to help.
At parties she will not go and play with other children and at nursery, she will only play with one girl who is not shy in the slightest and I'm worried about what will happen if this girl 'goes off' and will not play with my dd. I recently moved to a new small town, where I don't have friends nearby and besides none of my friends have children anyway, so I feel part of this is my fault. I was painfully shy up until my twenties, so with the two, not really a good mix. Is shyness nature or nurture or a bit of both? I am in my first trimester, so maybe I am just being a bit too emotional!
Any advice please!!??

Congratulations on your pregnancy by the way.

Your DD is still young really. I would try not to worry about her and let her see that she has your support. She will find her way.

Thank you very much!

Most of the time my sensible head tells me the same. I just have moments when I have a bit of a wobble about it. It doesn't always help when family members start commenting on it and making jibes about 'social skills', as she won't speak to them (only see them a couple times of year). I do tell myself that she is very young and I was very shy too.

Does being 'shy' really matter anyway? She can still make friends in her own way and have fun. I am sure whe will gradually begin to find the courage to do more things and will come out of her shell. Do you feel you suffered for being shy? Out of interest, what happened in your twenties to change you?

All three of mine were very shy until they were about 7-8. I sent them all to Stagecoach (dance/singing/ acting classes) for a year and they all just grew out of it. You would never believe that at 7 they would hide behind my legs in any new situation. I think it's nature, personally. How you handle it as a parent determines how they deal with it long term. My parents made mine worse, so I was still shy until I was 17/18 and made a decision to stop it for my sake.

It may be a coincidence, but my dd went through a very shy stage at exactly your dd's age. When she turned 4 it was like a switch had been flicked and suddenly things that she'd previously been too shy to do, she'd say "yes, I can do that now cause I'm 4 and a big girl" .

I don't think there is anything wrong with being shy at all as I think you still can have friends and be shy, as I did. In saying that, looking back (I'm only 35!) I think I did miss out on things due to my shyness. In my twenties, I guess I realised that if I did or say something 'silly' then it didn't really matter. Although it did take a long time for confidence to come.
It is reassuring to hear that things can change. I don't mean that in a bad way as I don't want her to change at all. The best way to put it is to booster her confidence. I have started her in ballet classes and if she gets a morning nursery place next year, thinking about doing another class one afternoon a week as well.
Does anyone think it is bad that she doesn't mix with other children outside of nursery/weekly ballet class? I don't know anyone with children.

my son's switch flicked at 4 too weepootle