is ds still going to be pooing in his pants when he's 18??? (long and grumpy)

[deaconblue]

2 months into potty training (he's nearly 3) and still not a single poo anywhere other than in the pants. Some days he even seems to hold it in and ends up pooing in his nappy in his sleep ~(which he never did even when little). Tonight in the bath he stood up and started straining so I grabbed him out of the bath and stuck him on the potty. He just cried and said he couldn't do it on the potty. I asked why and he didn't say ( I think he can't explain).
He's still pretty reliant on me with the wees too tbh, unless I put him on the potty every 3 hours, he just wees in his pants, has never once said he needs the potty or even said yes if I ask him if he needs to go.
I had read that potty training success was linked with language skills but he's got a massive vocab and has been a really good talker from quite young.
Am disheartened and starting to get irritated. Advice please oh wise mumsnetters.

Take a break and try again in a couple of months time.

I've never heard the language/toilet training link before but if it's true, there are always exceptions....

DS has always been an advanced talker (especially considering he is bilingual) but wasn't ready to toilet train until he was 3.3.

it took my DS a good month and a hefty dose of bribery to get him to poo on the toilet

he got really agiatated and asked for nappies, or waited till night to poo

sitting on the bathroom floor blowing bubbles seemed to get him into a relaxed enough state to sit on the loo for long enough to let it all happen

we also made up a silly poo song, had books in the loo and the biggest toy ever when he did the first poo on the loo

also a dose of syrup of figs helped a bit as well as the holding in made him a tiny bit constipated

I have a friend who's son was like this. A bright, lovely boy in every respect, just had real toilet/poo issues. They tried everything - rewards, sticker charts, encouragement/praise and my friend eventually got totally wound up with it all and started shouting at him (to her shame, poor love ). In the end, they decided to put it on a back burner and not worry about it, and he did eventually, very gradually start to feel OK about using the potty and then the loo. It took several months and everything came in tiny baby steps, but taking the pressure off really did help no end. He is now 4.5 yrs old and completely toilet trained.

can't bear to ditch it totally after two long long months. and tbh I think he'd refuse to go back into nappies. Wondered if teaching him to wee standing up might provide the novelty factor and get him interested in being a bit more independent. He just doesn't give two figs for stickers, sweets, pleasing me etc etc. I think he just wishes we'd leave him alone to pee and poo wherever he chooses.

I dont think that you are ditching it totally if you take a break and take the pressure off. You have given your ds the basics and he will come back to it later without having forgotten but with a more relaxed attitude. My sister had problems with her ds and took a break and it worked for her. I think the more pressure we put on them the harder it can be.

I am currently using the same technique with DS2 and his awful eating habits.

Good luck

Agree with above-stop for now-use pull-up pants during the day, and nappies at night-then re-introduce potty in a few months. He is not quite 3, and it is known, that boys(regardless of how bright they are),can take longer to toilet train than girls.My ds3 was 4.5 before he would poo in the toilet-he would wee, but wouldnt poo.This meant he went to nursery in pull-up pants,but the nursery didnt mind, and i think he only had 1 poo accident while he was there. He started school at 5yrs,(we are in scotland), and was fully toilet trained by then.At present we are toilet-training our dd-3yrs. She will use the potty or loo(with training seat),to wee, but has only pooed on potty a few times,(hence reward of a toy last week).Like your ds, she wont say when she needs to wee, so we just put her on potty every few hours-quite often she will have wet her pull-ups, but she will still wee in the potty most times.Due to my ds3 toileting difficulties, we were referred to o paed.He was very clear-do NOT get angry-this is the worst thing you can do(nor shame them as ive seen on another thread).Just change their pants with no fuss, and use praise and sticker charts if they are successful.Many dc find pooing on the toilet/potty hughley stressful-they are very anxious and just cannot let-go-its quitean unconcious thing. Your ds is not trying to wind you up, and believe me, i know its hard not to get cross, but if, as you say its beginning to annoy you, it would be good for you and your ds to stop for a while, then try again. Lastly, dont compare your ds wiyh other dc-they all develop at different rates, and unless he has amedical condition, its unlikely he will go to school in nappies. Good Luck.

took ds1 about 6-7 months of several large poos in pants/day before he felt it was OK to poo in the toilet (happened about age 2.11). Nothing we did made the slightest difference, just when he was ready. He wouldn't return to nappies either. Weeing was a problem for ages (still the odd acident at 4.1) as he was far too busy to use the toilet. Dry at night from 2.8, though - we put him in a cloth pull-up at night to facilitate toilet visits and he only ever did one wee in it.
Looking back, he always used to poo standing up - don't know if he found the toilet/potty "unnatural"?
we have put ds2 on the potty at nappy change time since 8-9 months, as we were disinclined to have the same problem again...

Totally agree with everyone about letting your DS use a nappy or poo at night. The last thing you want is lots of withholding and constipation issues. He will do the poo in a potty or loo when he is ready. Just concentrate on wee for now and praise him to the skies for getting wee in the right place.

As for the poo - if he wants to poo in a nappy that's fine (at least it's not on the floor)but insist he uses the bathroom as a place to go - then at least he's in the right room. Once he has pooed encourage him to help put the poo down the toilet and wave it goodbye. He will get there - it just takes time sometimes and my son was exactly the same but was pooing on the loo at age 4.5.

A couple of other things which might help.

Take him to sit on a potty or a toilet 20 mins after a meal as that's when the bowel is fairly active. Reward him for sitting there for several minutes regardless of whether he does anything or not.
If he's on a toilet make sure he has a stool under his feet so he has something to push down on if the urge to poo comes.
Get him to blow bubbles or a party blower thingie as this will help the right muscles to move down below.

He will get there and you are doing a great job with helping him - boys just take a bit longer sometimes and what you are describing with the poo is very common. HTH a bit.

DS1 wouldn't use the potty at home and it took us a few months to realise that he just didn't like it. As soon as we tried a toddler seat on the toilet, problem solved (albeit the odd accident still). Could it be the same thing? DS later explained big boys used toilets and only babies used a potty!

My DS has just turned 3 and I trained him at about 2.7.

What fixed it for us was a new potty! I had bought a potty chair thing because he is tall, but he never liked it. I bought a small red potty and he was very pleased with it and started using it!

Although my DS is an example of potty training not being linked with language! His speech is about 6 months behind his peers, but he was able to potty train, once we had a potty he liked - he doesn't have accidents now.