Hitting. HELP ME PLEASE!!

[BlueBumedFly]

My DD is 23 months old. She is super headstrong, very energetic and a right old laugh.... well, she used to be.

Right now we have met toddlerdom head on. She constantly hits me if I try to dress her, put her shoes on, stop her from throwing herself in the River Thames, stop her from throwing herself into the road etc. etc. etc.

I know this is normal. I just don't want a hitting child!! We do not smack her, we use the timeout step every single time she hits and she sits there perfectly, never moves, says sorry (not an ounce of truth it in obviously, she is not yet 2) then runs off and does the very same thing again.

I have tried to make a joke out of it, move her away from me, move me away from her but when she is almost under the wheels of a ten tonne truck you have to take action.

So, please, how do I get her to stop? Any good tactics? DH is away a lot at the moment and I am loosing my tiny mind.

Many thanks in advance.

Oh, I meant to say she is at Nursery 3 days a week in a very active class with more boys than girls so I imagine she has to fight her own corner. They are teaching them to say 'my turn with the toy' instead of hitting but with my DD it just seems to have made the hitting 20 times worse!

bump....please?

Hay I would say just keep at it. Say something like "You do not hit" and take her to the calming down step (i hate the word naughty) after 2 mins go and calmly talk about why she is there.

The other thing is be consistant do this evry time she hits by the 100th time she will get the message. Consistancy is the key.

Ask the nursery to do as you do whatever you decide is for the best. As this will teach consistancy.

Good luck keep at it

Dont give up or in.

Thanks cloud, just had it again, I was reading her a book with her on my lap, she put her head back to 'snuggle' which is her version of a head but, I moved out of the way as to not have my cheek bone bashed so the result was she turned round and hit me.

I just don't get it.

I wil try to be consistent, she actually hit me today as I was getting her off the timeout step!! Keep on keeping on I guess!

yer stick to it, dont get flustered and be calm .. im sure everything will sort itself out.
good luck

my 3.5 ds hits me and my 18mo dd. He punches with his fists when very angry. Lovely little boy 90% of the time. Nothing works so just ignoring it and hoping it passes. He doesnt do it at nursery. He isnt speaking yet so think a lot is frustration. The backwards head but drives me insane - they know it hurts you!!

Thanks guys, it drives you mad eh? I don't think I am keeping calm enough, I think I am showing my anger... will work on that this week.

Hi, first time answering anything on here so hope I'm going to be helpful.

I swear by the Toddler Taming book, got loads of excellent tips in there for all sorts of stuff, including hitting (time out, ignoring and diversion are the main staples). I don't think it hurts to show your anger a bit, how is she to know you have been upset by her otherwise and learn the difference. But yes, do keep calm - easier said than done though eh!

I feel you pain as my son (almost 2) also hitting me, biting me, scratching etc, especially when tired. I sit him down and tell him no cuddles until he says sorry, but it's very distressing, and I am now covered in so many bruises, scratches etc I look a mess! Hope it's just a passing phase.

Whenever my 23 month old hits me (she also does it quite a lot lately) I talk about feelings, how hitting makes me feel sad, it hurts, I don't like it, etc. I don;t use a naughty step, but she does get put out of the room for one minute(whatever room we happen to be in) if she persists. Being cut off from adult attention is usually a good short term fix.

The long-term fix is being consistent and waiting for her to get older and understand.

Hi BuBumedFly. Feeling your pain! It's really hard but remember she is normal, not a monster, and IT WILL PASS

My Ds 2 (now nearly 6) used to do this sort of non-sensical hitting. Sometimes it was like he would want to do something affectionate, and then it would turn into a hit. Definitely worse when tired and/or overstimulated. Used to do it to other kids, eg at soft play. Sometimes used to just push smaller kids over, almost as if to see what would happen.

If hitting other kid, watch her like a hawk, remove her from the situation if she has hit someone, then if she does it again, go home!

9Sometimes its an extremely cackhanded way of them trying to get someone's attention, or to play with them. DS was (and is) very sociable)

The running away can't continue. Does she still have a buggy? If so, I would warn her that if she does it again, she will have to go in the buggy. Then put her in the buggy, without fail if she ignores you. If she doesn't have a buggy, perhaps a wrist strap?

Toddler Taming is good. I would say try not to overreact as often your voice gets more shrieky. Get down to her eye level, speak very firmly in a low voice (a la Supernanny). Another tip: Tell her what you DO want her to do instead of what you DON'T. I have found this useful. A positive sometimes seems to get through better.

If all else fails go into another room and flick her the Vs

Oh forgot to say. I am not a big fan of making them say sorry at this age (you may get them to parrot it without understanding) but if she hurts another person, make sure she sees you saying sorry to them.

2cats2many advice good about telling her that hitting hurts/makes you sad.

My 19m dd has started this, she doesn't hit exactly, more a quick lash at your face with her hand. I have started doing the pointy finger and saying, "no! you do not hit mummy/daddy/the cat, you must be gentle" and then holding her hand and stroking my face/the cat gently with it. Though she has now started to copy and randomly starts saying no whilst doing the pointy finger! Hoping it will work one day!

My goodness, what a wonderful response and all of it useful, many thanks everyone.

MrsJen - welcome to MN! I do have a copy of Toddler Taming somewhere, will make sure I sit down one night with a nice large glass of wine and absorb! Good call.

Rachey - ouch, hope your hitting passes soon too!

2cats - my friend does this approach, I will try to be more positive. We talk about smiley face and sad face so maybe I will bring this approach in when she is calm enough to listen.

Screaming - it is totally nonsensicle isn't it and really just for a reaction sometimes. I don't tend to use the buggy as DD can walk for well over a mile at a time and hates riding in the buggy. I think calmer people would call her spirited, no shoes and flowers in her hair type of a girl! Might have to go for your last option if it all gets too bad

I agree, sorry never works, it is really just another word at this age but somehow it can make me feel better! God I am not being very adult about this am I?>!?

HopHop - They are funny when they do the pointy finger thing eh? My DD did it to a women in the supermarket the other day who was getting some flour off the shelf! I was most amused but she wasn't !!

Thanks again everyone, working on my calm but stern voice and face!!!