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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Would you indulge this..or would you steer ds away from this?

9 replies

tiredandwornoutmum · 13/03/2009 14:17

We have some gravel in our garden which ds 'digs' in. He digs everytime he is out there. He has been doing this for 2 years (He is 3.6).
All this is fine...but he insists on me digging with him, which I'm happy to doo for half an h our or so...BUT it's so mind numbingly boring and I HAVE to did in exactly the right way/spot otherwise ds has a melt down.

And today I have done it for a bit..but can't bear it anymore (I'm cold and don't feel that well). So I have come in and he has trailed sadly behind in floods of tears because I won't dig anymore.

I really don't mind ds digging and am happy to be with him pottering about in the garden whilst he digs BUT that isn't good enough, I HAVE to join in, and in exactly the right way.

So really maybe I should be saying am I unreasonable to not want to spend my entire afternoon digging the exact same stones over and over again?

(Ds btw is being assessed by the ed psych next week for his behaviour)

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apostrophe · 13/03/2009 14:18

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HelpwithNameNeeded · 13/03/2009 14:19

Not indulge. Thats how they learn to play by themselves

Original poster

tiredandwornoutmum · 13/03/2009 14:25

Thankyou! Was feeling a bit guilty..maybe I should have put my foot down earlier on.

OP posts:

MorocconOil · 13/03/2009 14:28

You've done really well to do it for so long. It sounds really boring. Not to a 3 year old though. Sounds great fun.

Original poster

tiredandwornoutmum · 14/03/2009 12:11

He's doing it again today [sigh]

OP posts:

Pheebe · 14/03/2009 15:13

You could try the 'you get started and I'll be there in a moment' tactic. Worked with DS1 who gets similarly obsessed, and teaches them patience. He's generally happy to play for a while by himself now but of course playing with mummy is best.

Also does distraction work? Have you got other activities for him outdoors - bubbles, soapy water, sand, metal trays to put the stones on and make noise or patterns? Larger pebbles to rearrange into patterns/pictures, can you get him interested in weeding or gardening...

The having to do it in exactly the right way is a bit more concerning. DS1 also tried to insist on this so we say 'you do it your way and we'll do it ours'. Downside of that is that now he wants to do everything HIS way even if we want to show him a different/better way .

I see you're seeing an ed psych with him soon, they should be able to give you some more ideas on how to cope with any obsessive behaviours like this.

It may help to remember that all too soon he won't want/need you to play with him at all, cherish even the boring monotonous times.

nannyL · 14/03/2009 17:07

i wouldnt do it either... not even while being paid as a nanny!

fernie3 · 16/03/2009 07:34

I would be happy to do it for a bit but then leave him to play on his own, its fine starting him off in a game but i wouldnt sit for hours playing something like that
maybe try and distract him with something else?

sophie

SoupDragon · 16/03/2009 07:38

I agree with what apostrophe wrote.

Can you kind of fence him off a patch that is his patch, has special digging stuff there and (importantly) isn't big enough for you to dig in too or is conveniently placed so you can't get to it to dig if he's digging in it. Then you can "watch" from a chair whilst you read and (hopfully) eventually you won't need to participate at all..

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