Social Boundaries

[GMO]

My 17 month old boy is very friendly! He tries to engage other children/babies in social interaction but his methods are often inappropriate. He might "Offer" them a toy by hitting them on the head with it, or try rather forcefully to feed them something. He also "cuddles" - which more resembles a headlock and often winds up with the recipient being flattened! He grabs at noses and ears and sometimes licks/bites, all with a smile and a "Hiya"! I have tried to tell him "no" and shown him "gentle" by taking his hand and demonstrating stroking instead, but this is not having much effect.

I don't feel that telling him off is appropriate when he is experimenting with making friends, but has not yet learnt the skills, but I can't let him hurt other children and make them cry. I have removed him from the situation, and apologised of course but he does not seem to be getting it! Please help!

Does he go to Nursery? If so, how do they handle it there?

GMO my DS2 (now nearly 6) was like this, as are many children. NOTHING at this age works straightaway, it's just a steady drip drip approach. Just try not to worry, because worry makes you react more strongly than you need to. You seem to be taking just the right approach. You are making sure you apologise, and he will see you doing that.

It might be worth looking out for times he's more likely to do this, and get him out before it starts (eg, does he get over-excited when he is hungry or tired?). Biting at this age is sometimes related to teething pain.

And the good news is that I think children like this are really sociable and socially interested, which bodes well for later on.

If he's doing it when he's 5, that's another matter .....

Ineedsomesleep - not yet. This is what has prompted me to post actually. Took him on a nursery visit yesterday as I am hoping to put him in nursery come sept. He is currently with a child minder who has older children. They can take it! This doesn't always help! At the visit he made two other babies cry within about a minute! The staff seemed completely unsuprised by it, and said it was part of the process and that they could keep an eye out. Didn't make me feel too good though!

screamingabdab - Thank you! This helps. I need a rule book! But having someone confirm they think I am doing the right thing is close enough!

Happy to help. Hindsight really is a wonderful thing .

GMO,
I remember this phase with my dd, and like a previous poster said, you just have to keep reinforcing it and slowly it'll sink in. The other thing I found helped was to suggest an alternative way of my dd using her energy - eg if hitting, I would stop her and say stroke instead. I think it was easier than saying just no, stop, as they find it really hard to transfer their energies elsewhere. I'm sure my ds (14 months) will be like your ds too - already he enjoys bashing me on the head with whatever toy he's carrying, and his older sister (a sensitive type) finds it all a bit much.

Travellerintime - Thank you! Exactly what I have been doing - teaching him "stroke" - or trying! He still lands his hand with a thump before stroking and saying "Ahhhh!"...hmmm....the intention is good! He looks so confused when the other baby is not pleased to receive his attentions! I feel less depressed about it today though - thanx.