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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

3 year old won't stop crying!

10 replies

madlizzie · 12/03/2009 12:06

Since Christmas I have seen a huge change in my daughter who is three. My little boy was born in early November and I think it has hit her hard. The main issue is that she has got extremely tearful. Every little thing seems to upset her and she really gets so upset - if I even tell her off a little bit it results in floods. In my reactions I vary from giving her big hugs to trying to ignore it to getting plain irritated with her constant crying! It is particularly difficult when she doesn't get her own way - she comes running to me in tears and I don't know how to deal with it. I like to think I am quite consistent when managing her behaviour but this has stumped me completely!

Can anyone relate to this or offer any advice? I am hoping it is just a phase but I am finding it quite hard emotionally to see her so upset and i feel as if my little girl has changed. She used to be so confident and happy-go-lucky and now she is more withdrawn and clingy. Is this just a phase? I am hoping so! If anyone can help me i'd be grateful! Thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PuzzleRocks · 12/03/2009 12:54

Sorry to hear that. It must be tough on you all.

This site might help. here.

rony · 12/03/2009 13:17

That's interesting, I have been having similar problems with my 3 yr old dd (although no new baby in the picture, ds is nearly 2). In the last few weeks she has started crying at the drop of a hat, and extremely whingy and moany. It's difficult to keep trying to be positive with her, as the crying and moaning really gets me down sometimes. I'm not sure how to respond to it either - whether to keep being sympathetic and understanding or to start getting a bit tough.

Wonder if it's something about this age, and hopefully it's just a phase.

sorry not to be more helpful!

Original poster

madlizzie · 12/03/2009 13:20

Thanks for the website, it looks really helpful! I am too wondering if I need to be tougher but she is clearly going through an insecure phase... i do just hope it is that!

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 12/03/2009 13:20

Imo 3yrs is old enough to talk rather than cry and to understand why they can or can't do something so crying is treated as a tatrum in my house and if it continues once asked to stop it results in time out until she calms herself down, I feel your pain.....dd2 whose 3yrs has been really good lately but is now being a bit of a pain pushing the boundaries again and we have had a few early nights lately to try and improve her mood. hth

Smee · 12/03/2009 14:04

Surely with a three year old you can tell the difference between genuine upset and trying it on tears. Sorry LMG, but to not expect a three year old never to cry when life's not as they want it seems a bit harsh to me. After all three's still very little. Equally tantrums can often be genuinely upsetting for children, so I just can't see how ignoring them when they're in an out of control rage helps. Yes kids need to learn how to understand and deal with their emotions, but it's hard for them to do that if you don't show a bit of empathy before explaining why you think it has to be as it has to be iyswim

rony · 12/03/2009 14:33

madlizzie - can you pinpoint any particular times/occasions which set it off? For instance, my dd is always very tearful when she gets home from preschool at lunchtime as she is tired. Does your dd still have a nap? or is she more upset/clingy when you're giving the baby attention, feeding him etc?

also my dd loves to be out and about a lot, she hates staying in the house which of course you are more when you have a new baby. Often she is a nightmare when we're in, so i go out as much as poss and then she's fine. Is it possible for you to get out much? And is she tearful when you're out or just at home?

Original poster

madlizzie · 12/03/2009 18:39

Thank you for your advice everyone! I probably didn't make it clear, the tears are not generally tantrum tears, although this does happen sometimes! It's more the character change which is upsetting me. She seems to have changed since her brother was born and I am really hoping that this is just a phase and that she will come back to me. We have just had a lovely afternoon out and about together and no tears so that was brilliant. Hopefully she will become more secure in her new family situation soon.

OP posts:

LoveMyGirls · 13/03/2009 08:05

Smee - I didn't say I expect her to never cry, obviously if shes hurt or upset I do comfort her but if it's a tantrum because she can't get her own way then I won't stand for that. Even if it's a tantrum I do explain that she needs to use her words instead of screaming and crying to get what she wants.

Madlizzie, everything is just a phase and this too shall pass...........repeat for every phase......

Smee · 13/03/2009 09:05

sorry LMG, I think it was the way it sounded. But then I was in a tetchy mood. Hooray it's Friday

ifs80 · 12/04/2014 22:12

Hi can anyone help me with the link?
I'm having the same problem with my son, and looking for some advice.
Thank you,

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