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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Suggestions to discipline 2.4 year old - naughty step?

22 replies

Daffodilly · 11/03/2009 21:39

DD is 2.4, very bright and articulate - also plenty of rather fiesty and defiant behaviour.

She knows right and wrong. But often if I warn her not to/to stop doing something - e.g. playing with her food, hitting baby brother, stamping on my toes, not doing as asked - she will think it is a game, laugh and do it anyway. The more I say no, the better the game. I feel rather impotent to do anything. I often feel like shouting, but realise it won't help.

Have tried naughty step technique, but not sure if it is right as she will sometimes take herself or other times come off step herself saying "sorry" like it is a get out clause.

Help!

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wobblefattage · 11/03/2009 21:49

hello - your message describes my daughter completely who is also 2 yrs 4 mths! It can make me feel very powerless when she seems to take my disciplining rather lightly - e.g. laughing. People ahve told me to try to stay very calm so she doesn't get 'rewarded' by seeing me flustered but it's hard. I have lost it on some occasions.... Recently we've tried setting up a reward chart for nice cooperative behaviour but it's early days. Will let you know if it helps! Hang on in there....

notnowbernard · 11/03/2009 21:50

Distract or ignore

ShowOfHands · 11/03/2009 21:51

Distract/ignore/remove.

notnowbernard · 11/03/2009 21:53

Yes, remove - but not to naughty step. They don't get it and don't stay there, IME

SingingBear · 11/03/2009 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

newgirl · 11/03/2009 21:55

it does sound like attention seeking so a calm 'dont do that' and you get on with something else will show her that it doesnt help

i did do naughty step with my dd2 at that age and she did understand and calmed her down. I was never angry with her. I would say 'please dont throw that/hit your sister' - if she then did it again deliberately, I would say 'I think you need sit on naughty step to calm down'

you could think of it as time out rather than naughty step. Keep calm and make sure she not left for too long - 2 mins max.

nickschick · 11/03/2009 22:01

At that age she simply does not understand actions and consequences.

All that you can do is continually monitor her praise positive behaviour and remind her of the way you want her to behave - punishments will not work bcos however mature she is she cannot follow the chain of actions that led to the consequence.

I am very much against nughty steps and tend to use a 'thinking chair' approach - sitting with the child and discussing what behaviour youd like reinforcing your belief that you know they can do it and ending it positively.

Original poster

Daffodilly · 12/03/2009 09:21

Wow thanks for all those replies. Looks like I am just expecting too much from her for now. Will stick to trying to distract or ignore the "less desirable" behaviour for now, with maybe a short time out when we both need to calm down!

It can just be SO frustrating when she laughs at my attempts to tell her off. I feel completely powerless and envisage myself with a renagade teenager - aged 3!

OP posts:

WowOoo · 12/03/2009 09:26

If Ds is 'naughty' I remove a toy, usually his favourite at the time. I think he understands and is usually apologetic.
It's really worked and I can use it a threat too. Not sure if it's mean, but it works for us.

gingerninja · 12/03/2009 09:30

This is exactly the same as my DD who is now 2.6 but has been acting up for a couple of months. I am in the (very) latter stages of pregnancy so my patience is very very thin at the moment however I have noticed that on days when I am feeling rotten and short tempered, her behaviour is worse. On days where I've had the energy (and it is hard work) to ignore, her behaviour has been better (in the sense that she doesn't keep repeating the action) and we've had a much nicer time together.

I do think the distract and ignore technique is the ideal and most effective way to deal with it at this end however my hormones and tiredness seem to prevent me from being consistent.

gingerninja · 12/03/2009 09:35

nickschick, it sounds like a lot of reasoning, do you think the negotiating thing works at this age? I can't seem to get DD's full attention when she's in full on toddler terrorist mode even if I follow the rules and get to her level etc. I mean it does work to to a certain extent but often I'll say to DD something like 'if you hit me with that saucepan again I will take it away from you, do you understand?' and she'll say no which there isn't really much come back from for me. Perhaps I'm making the mistake of asking her the question.

Umlellala · 12/03/2009 09:36

to make you feel less powerless, I'd offer a way out first then a consequence. so 'don't stamp on my foot, you can tickle me/sit on my leg instead.
dd, if you stamping on my foot, i will go to another room./put you over there/sit you on sofa'.

no need to get cross, make the consequence SMALL (don't then try and make her sit on the sofa for 2mins or whatever) just make sure you actually DO WHAT YOU SAY.

but agree that distract and ignore is the first solution (not for violent behaviour IMO though)

Umlellala · 12/03/2009 09:38

ps it all takes time, and sometimes you have to experiment to find what works... we are raising children not training dogs.

Umlellala · 12/03/2009 09:39

gingerinja, it will settle once baby is born, honest.

gingerninja · 12/03/2009 09:54

Thanks Umlellela, DD is particularly agressive towards me at the moment, kicking, biting, hitting and I think it's partly the baby and partly my hormonal irrational outbursts that she's replicating. It is making for a pretty stressful household. Your approach sounds perfect, I wish I could be consistent. Sorry for the hijack daffodilly

Umlellala · 12/03/2009 09:58

Oh, I was a COW to dd in the last couple of weeks of pregnant . You are right, they do pick up on it. I sometimes have to make a huge effort to snap out of it and go and do something fun rather than descend into a shouty rage...

BUT IMO toddler and baby is so much easier than being pregnant with a toddler (well, it is for me). Though ds is learning to pull up on things now (and falls straight back) and so I spend the day running after him!

nickschick · 12/03/2009 10:36

By gingerninja on Thu 12-Mar-09 09:35:30
nickschick, it sounds like a lot of reasoning, do you think the negotiating thing works at this age? I can't seem to get DD's full attention when she's in full on toddler terrorist mode even if I follow the rules and get to her level etc. I mean it does work to to a certain extent but often I'll say to DD something like 'if you hit me with that saucepan again I will take it away from you, do you understand?' and she'll say no which there isn't really much come back from for me. Perhaps I'm making the mistake of asking her the question.

I think once you start this 'scheme of expected behaviour' its easy enough to follow for example if my ds or a child at the nursery had hit me with a saucepan i would say 'ouch!! look see that hurts me,thats not nice is it?' ' im putting the saucepan away now and you cannot play with it until you can be gentle' 'lets see what you can play with now (thinking chair aspect) ' and tip our some duplo this reinforces you dont want her to hit you with the pan, the pan is removed and something else distracts her.

that shows her

the pan is not for hitting *she doesnt want to hurt you
the pan is removed *a distraction of duplo.

Umlellala · 12/03/2009 10:59

agree with nickschick, though I would give an opportunity to play properly with the saucepan first before taking it away.

Original poster

Daffodilly · 13/03/2009 16:38

Umlella - great advice. I like the idea of offering another option like don't stamp, you can tickle me. Would work well when she is just mucking about, not sure how it will work when she is upset though.

She's recently started hitting me - I think it is frustration that she can't express in another more constructive way. I say clearly and calmly "no hitting, we don't hit", but she often does it again defiantly, cos that is the mood she is in at the time (or she wouldn't be hitting in the first place IYSWIM).

gingerinja - can totally relate to the hormonal problems. I have a 6 week old too. It was def worse in pregnancy than it is now - even with the sleep deprivation. I def think newborn and toddler is easier than pregnant and toddler. Good luck!

OP posts:

Umlellala · 13/03/2009 17:55

I walk away from cross hitting and say 'no, don't hit me'

Thankyouandgoodnight · 16/03/2009 21:42

we do sitting on the floor wherever they happen to be when the crime is discovered. She understads perfectly what's going on so she is perfectly capable of being disciplined for it. usually DD refuses to say sorry so she sits on the floor, whereupon she smirks and then bursts in to tears and then she's ready to say sorry and it's all sorted. i realise they're not all the same though.

Twinklemegan · 16/03/2009 21:46

We have a naughty corner and it does work. DS, 2.7, does stay there and will usually calm down after a minute or two. But beware - just recently we've been getting " I want to go in the naughty corner ". That defeats the object somewhat.

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