HELP!! Many 6 month old baby girl development issues

[Millen]

My daughter is 6 months old. She seems very healthy and we have had no problem weaning her or getting her to sleep on her own throughout the night. At the moment she demands all of my attention, I cannot put her down in the day to play with toys for more than a few mins without her crying to be picked up! she can't sit alone without supportfor more than a few seconds and I worry that I am not helping her development because I am picking her up all the time. I have been told to leave her to cry for a few mins and work on leaving her for longer periods, however I have left her for 30 mins max (with supervison) and I hated myself for it she gets in sch a state. I cannot understand it as she has my attention. I try to distract her with toys and sit and play with her but she crys to be picked up. I would hate for her to feel insecure as a result of me putting her down for a few mins. I worry that she won't crawl or walk till late. I have bought her a walker but her little legs don't reach the floor ! I have booked an appointment with my HV but tits not until next week. I have no friends with children of my age and I just dont get the time to read.( its now 1am so shes asleep) Also what time should she go to bed ? She wakes at 9am has a feed and wash etc then at 10.30 am she sleeps for 1 hour. She has a an hour at 3pm and an hour at 6pm. After this she goes to bed with my partner and I at about 10pm and sleeps until the next morning. Am I building a rod for my own back? When should I put her in her nursery? I feel sooooo bad leaving her to cry I would hate for her to fall asleep crying! I worry that she is afraid in her own bed . Phew!!! I am loving being a mother but I had a really bad childhood and I am so worried about giving my daughter the love and security she needs.

Hi, Millen. Re your queries, lots of six month old babies are just developing anxiety separation and that's likely why your dd wants to be held all the time. It's very common and perfectly normal. She's recently learnt that she and you are separate entities and wants to make sure she keeps you close. All my four children have been clingy 'Velcro' children and I've tried to go with the flow and just give them the reassurance they want. Holding your dd won't stop her developing. I'm sure when you have her on your lap you play bouncing, clapping and peepo games etc, all of which help her develop balance and so on. Have you tried putting her in a sling/carrier so you can get on with your daily tasks? That might make life easier. I'm living in Asia at the moment, and small babies here are held and carried literally all the time. It's considered bad luck to even put a less-than-6-mth-old baby on the floor, yet all these babies seem to be able to sit and walk at the same age as Western babies.

As to bedtime - personally, I don't think it matters when or where they go to bed, if it fits in with what you all need and want. It's only a rod for your own back if it doesn't suit you.
Some people prefer to have set routines and times which I imagine you might have to experiment with to find out what's best for you. I'm sure other Mumsnetters could help you out with lots of ideas on this subject, this is a great place for getting answers!

Whatever you do, you sound like a wonderful mum and I'm sure your baby feels incredibly loved and safe. Best wishes!

Agree with everything Suedonim says. You say in your message that you have no friends with children - have you been to any mother and baby groups, NCT etc? When I had my first baby, I didn't know any one with babies and the nearest person for advice was my ninety year old Granny! With dd2 & 3, I was more fortunate to have friends in similar circumstances and I have tried to go to groups which has really helped. I also find that nothing fascinates a baby more than watching other babies and children. Have to go now as dd (10 months) has got fed up with me being on Mumsnet and wants to be picked up!

Millen

Just picking up on what you said about your childhood - there is no reason for life to repeat itself. My DP had a terrible childhood with mum walking out when he was 10 and he is a great loving gentle dad.

Maybe, your DD is picking up on your insecurities - if you are worried about your abilities then she will pick up on it. Relax, you love your daughter and she knows it - that is really all you need.

Personally, I found the first 6 months of DS life incredibly boring - I didn't feel that I had made a great bond with him as I was still reeling from the birth and the total loss of my freedom. I also did not have any friends in the area with babies the same age - so felt very isolated. Now that your DS is 6 months old it does get easier, try and go to some mother baby groups, plan trips out for the two of you - but most of all relax, your DD is fine she is just behaving like a normal 6 month old.

Thought of another strange fact of life - well, for me anyway. My babies have been happy enough to sit and watch me for a while if I am cooking or doing any housework, but heaven forbid if I should try and read a book or newspaper - it just isn't allowed.

Millen - it sounds like you're doing really well. I wouldn't worry about her crying when you're not playing with her as she will grow out of it.

It sounds easy to say but I went through a time too when my DS wouldn't let me leave the room, wouldn't sit in his buggy or car seat and hated getting dressed (sleeves!) but this stage soon passed - although it felt like an age at the time, probably 3 weeks - and now it is difficult to believe he's the same boy.

Try - again, easy to say! - not to worry about things. If she's healthy and happy, sleeping and eating well and you're looking after yourself and enjoying her then that's what matters.

Millen,

It sounds as if you are doing really well. Things like bedtimes are pretty subjective as it is really what suits you and your family best - some like to have an evening to themselves and prepare for an earlier start whilst others prefer to have baby up later and have a later start to the day. If you want to change your routine now you could use the 6 pm cue to start a bedtime routine, put her down in her cot for a nap and still wake her later for a feed/sleep if you feel it is necessary.

As to the crying/anxiety, there is a thread called Clingy Baby where you will find others, including me, who have experienced the same thing at the same age to varying degrees. Obviously you cannot play with her actively all day and you should not feel guilty for this, even if she protests. She is probably too young for the walker (personally not a big fan anyway) but could you put her in a highchair or bouncy chair/car seat, or a sling, so that she can accompany you when you need to do other things. Even if she could watch you from a pram she might feel less anxious.If you do have to leave the room, continuing to talk to her might offer some reassurance that you are still present and will come back shortly.

I doubt that cuddling her will hinder her development but when you play with her try to get down to her level on the floor and face her. You can prop her up for short periods and play peek a boo with you, her and some favourite toys, for example. I always remember being told that a mother was the best toy a child could have. Our dd was always keen for interaction like this to the extent that she was 9 months old or more before we turned her pushchair to face forwards - and that was to distract her from the fact that someone else was pushing!

Do you have any friends or relative with whom she could spend a short while, with you still present in the background at first. Our dd will stay with relatives now, small protest to begin with but otherwise happy, although this point has taken a while to reach. What is she like if your partner is there too, will she remain alone with him entertaining her ?

Good luck and do be reassured that this phase is normal and does pass, although my dd is clamouring for her "duddles" as I type !

LizS

Thank you all so much I am new to this website and I am really touched ! Your all wonderful thank you.

As for some feed back she is always in her sling and I could do with that rod for my back Ha ha. I will try some local tot groups just afraid of becoming a fish wife at 24. LIZs why not a walker? Finally can someone tell me what DD stands for? and thank you all for not picking up on my typo regarding HV oops.

DD = Darling daughter.

Millen - do try and get out and see whats going on in your area. Try netmums.co.uk - your area might have a site and it is full of info on groups in your area or speak to your local authority - mine sent me a useful booklet with loads of info on child provision in the area.

Good luck

Hi Millen,

There are many arguments regarding the pros and cons of walkers (I expect there are some on Mumsnet if you "search" ). Personally I felt that they had such a short life span (once the baby can walk to any extent they are redundant), are bulky and at the time ds was small the benefits and safety were being called into question. I'm sure that if used correctly (for short periods and under supervision in cleared spaces) then they are perfectly ok but one just didn't suit our lifestyle enough for me to bother.

Another thought occurred to me. When you see the HV why not ask her re: local Mums and Tots groups, or perhaps a more focussed group such as for music, swimming or Tumble Tots where you can have company but less pressure to socialise. They may seem a little daunting now but once your dd gets mobile you may be thankful to have somewhere to go regularly.

hth

It can be extremely intimidating to go to Mums+tots groups. Like the first time you push a pram -- your whole body is screaming, "but this isn't me!" and "Do I really belong here? All their children seem so much older. And maybe they don't like me...." But you have every right to be there, and everyone will want to ask all about your baby and coo at her. I find that non-church groups are usually bigger and friendliest, but then again, my absolute fave, most multi-ethnic, most-friendly and relaxed, group is in a Methodist church.

My first-born was very clingy. I never got any peace except when I put him in a door-bouncer. Door bouncers have all the safety problems of walkers and more, though. My eldest walked early, 9 months. Actually, I think I've read that being cuddled a lot tends to lead to earlier rather than later walking (honest). Baby brains are most stimulated just by cuddling up to Mum.

Aaah the door bouncer, or dingly dangly machine as dh christened it. We wouldn't have survived without it. The sluglet went through the velcro stage at 6 months, but she insisted that I had to be standing up all the time. Sitting with her on my lap simply wasn't good enough.

It may be anectodal, but I found carrying her in the baby bjorn, facing outwards, seemed to help. She was at adult level, free to smile at whoever would smile back (and who wouldn't, she's gorgeous). She felt secure as she was strapped to mummy, or more frequently daddy, and could just bend back to check that we were really there if she needed reassurance.

I was thinking about this the other day, I don't think you are doing your child any harm by leaving her for small periods. I'm one of a very large family. Of necessity, my mother could not carry us around all the time when we were babies. Did it do us any harm? Are we damaged psychologically? Not a bit. We are all independant successful people with little in the way of nueroses. Don't let your own bad experiences of childhood undermine what you are doing. Have faith in yourself girl!

Millen, just to say that I felt exactly like you until I joined some mums& tots and got a good look at the other babies. It was reassuring to see that many of them had the same quirks - I began to feel much better. I wouldn't worry about the un-put-downable stuff either. My DS2 is like this. He is 11 months now and has just started to explore and play by himself a little. But not for long! Some babies are just like this. Don't worry about stimulating them all the time. Just being with you and observing daily life is great stimulation. Hope this helps.

galt playnests are fantastic for teaching baby to sit up.u can leave them playing in these knowing they are fairly safe.someone gave me one and its one of the best baby items i have.my ds has just turned 7 mnths and is tring to climb out now.he is a very contented baby but tends to be clingy bcas of teething.your lucky though-he has never slept right through and although he lies his food im not sure how to begin weaning him off the breast!

i think with walkers it is advised that babies feet must b flat on floor in them b4 use

also just wanted to say that u shouldnt worry about at what age baby does what.theyre all beautiful and individual and all will prob do some things earlier than and some later than other babies!
door bouncers are loads of fun lots squeals an happy faces all round

One thing I found really helped getting my ds (dear son!) to lie on the floor by himself more (and so to start playing with the babygym and keeping himself amused) was when I started doing baby massage with him. We both loved doing this, and I started gradually leaving him on the floor afterwards for longer and longer, listening to soothing music.

Massage time was the only time at all he would let me lie him down on his front, which is supposed to help with crawling etc as they have to get the strength in their necks to hold their head up (he never did crawl, but there you go - they're all different).

By the way, I agree with you about the mumsnet mums being wonderful - but if you have a look at some of the other threads, you'll see everybody is always worrying about what they're doing wrong etc, so don't feel like you're alone.