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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

where did i go wrong?........

5 replies

Angeliz · 09/03/2009 14:00

Hi all,
can't really stay on but needed to vent a bit and thought about my old friend mumsnet.

My kids are now dd1-7 dd2-4 ds-2

The 2 little ones are just so badly behaved at the moment it's unreal. We don't smack but are strict in that we remove toys, with hold treats and try never to reward bad behaviour and yet i always seem to be the Mum at school getting shouted at and dragging a toddler along who is trying to get away .
They seem to bounce off each other and have NO respect at all and i just feel so so so down about it today.
I just feel honestly sick to death of feeling like a shit Mum at school and getting all the pitying glances when my whole life is dedicated to these children.........

What HAVE i done wrong

OP posts:

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chuckeyegg · 09/03/2009 16:05

Sorry you're having a c**p day. We all have them, sending you a big hug.
x

lljkk · 09/03/2009 17:12

Big problems often solved with little steps. Is there one small aspect of their behaviour you feel up to tackling? Maybe just focus on that. When you solve little problems, one at a time, the bigger ones get easier to tackle, too.

Barmymummy · 09/03/2009 17:19

Big hugs.....been there, god have I been there! I have a DS aged 3.9 and for about a year up til xmas he was hell. I was THAT mum in the playground shouting "J COME BACK" or "NO!!!" or just generally looking completely out of control even though like you I am no pushover. I got all those looks too, ones of pity and others of disgust. Didn't help that DD aged 6 was nothing like this at aged 3!

Then I called the HV in and she gave me back some of my lost confidence. I bought a wristrap for my little darling and everytime we went on the school run or anywhere outside he had to wear it....yes he hung off it like a puppy twisting and turning and generally screaming his head off for a few days but after a while he realised that I was the one in control and if wanted to have a tantrum that was fine but he had to do it with me coz he couldn't run off!!! I used to sit there on the pavement waiting...and waiting...and waiting til he finlly gave up. But he did give up and he realised quite quickly that it wasn't so much fun as me chasing after him yelling at him to stop etc.

I did yet again get some funny looks but by then I didn't care. I had the control back and from then on things have got sooo much better. Good behaviour on the wristrap earned him a blue star. 5 blue stars = going to the local station to watch the trains (his fave!). Then we went to good behaviour = no wristrap . Any running off etc resulted in immediately going back onto the strap. It has really worked for me and I have definately sensed the whole power shift come back my way.

I totally sympathise with you, I know exactly how you are feeling and how down you are. You are a FAB mum, don't forget it and also don't forget you are the one in control. Wishing you lots of luck, xx

morningsun · 09/03/2009 17:27

They do bounce off one another and take advantage when you're caught up with one of the others.
Keep calm and firm and try to be one step ahead,don't worry about the little things and what other people think.
Also stick to times and routine so you get a break and they know what they're doing.
Also have a firm loudish voice but not shouting and don't fob them off with tv etc let them all get on with it then get them to bed at 7.
Don't try to make everything right for them all the time its impossible with three.
Don't get involved with little niggles and small battles just don't speak until you have something definite to say.
Give them hugs and keep your sense of humour .
These are just random suggestions i've picked up over the years btw,feel free to ignore as i'm no expert and most certainly not perfect.

You've got your hands full and it doesn't all have to be perfect all the time,just being a normal cheerful firm mum with a routine is all they need.
If they niggle after school just ignore it and get home asap for a drink and snack.

screamingabdab · 09/03/2009 18:41

Angeliz. Sympathy to you. I hate being in the playground when mine are playing up. There's no doubt some of the parents give you funny looks (mostly the one's whose children are older, with selective amnesia..), but I honestly think most of them are thinking (there but for the grace of god...)

I was talking to someone the other day, who told me her DS (age 5) has a terrible tantrum every day after school. She was feeling terrible about this but, honestly, I've never noticed. She couldn't believe it..

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