Is it advisable to be a drugs prohibitionist to your child?

[choosyfloosy]

3 recent encounters (one in a newspaper, one a parent of a child in ds's class, and one in a film) - all seemed to imply, it's not reasonable to say to your children that they shouldn't take ANY illegal drugs.

TBH I would be terrified of the illegality anyway, which is why I've never taken any myself (as well as being titanically square throughout my life). There is also a bloody good reason why ds should steer clear, as both his father and his aunt have major, long term headsplattering mental health problems.

Could anyone, perhaps especially those with teenage boys, reassure me that it is possible to talk to them on the basis that, even though a massive proportion of their peers will probably try drugs at some time, there ARE good reasons not to? I just feel very scared at the moment.

My 9 year old told me the other day that she is going to "try" alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, but she is not going to try a lot, because she knows they are bad for her. I told her if she really wanted to try alcohol and cigarettes she could, but they are both bad for her and a waste of money. I told her not to even try drugs, because even the first one could kill her. May sound a bit much for a 9 year old, but she has been talking about this a lot recently.

As they grow up they will do all sorts of things you don't approve of.
Of course you can (& should) tell them that they shouldn't try illegal drugs (I certainly will tell mine that), but what will you do if they do?

It's easier for me (maybe) because I did try lots of drugs, so I can tell them with the confident voice of experience why they shouldn't bother. If DC experimented I won't be shocked, but I'd still see it as a problem.

From what we read/see on TV probably most people believe that a massive proportion on teenagers dabble in drugs at some point.

From my own expirence this is not the case. My eldest are now 28, 27, & 23 so I can now ask them as adults how they delt with drugs as teenagers. My youngest are now 15, 13, & 12 and I worry about them the same as most parents do.

There are definately good reasons to discourage youngsters from taking illegal drugs....I did use the example of a family member who has very serious mental problems as a result of drug use. It doesn't happen to every one who dabbles I know, but it's certainly destroyed their and their parents' lives.

None of my eldest have ever taken illegal drugs. They were certainly readil yavailable at their secondary school. DS1 was offered drugs by friends but always refused. I don't know why but he never felt pressured into even trying. The only time DD was offered drugs was in her first year at Durham university. She was offered drugs on many occasions and was looked on as a bit strange for not doing so. There were no problems in years 2 & 3 when she lived out with non druggy friends. DS2 has never touched drugs either and is very critical about people that do.

When it comes to legal drugs. None of them smoke (tried it but didn't like it!)....Also there are much better things to spend money on.
Alcohol. Both DS drink. DD drinks very little now but drank far far too much while she was in Durham. I was aware of how much she was drinking in her teens and was very worried. Fortunately she realised and stopped herself.

Eventually, the day will come when it is dd's own responsibility how she approaches the subject. But I have my views and do not have to allow anything I feel uncomfortable with in my house.

If there are health reasons to avoid drugs, I would tell your ds, OP.

My mother was always extremely clear and vocal about the dangers of drugs (and cigarettes) to me and my sister. My mother had professional experience of the terrible damage that drugs wreak on people's lives and was therefore informed and credible when talking about this subject. Neither I nor my sister ever wished to take drugs or smoke, despite being at a school where those things were readily available.

thank you all - i find these posts reassuring. i'm hoping that seeing his father when he's ill, though not exactly fun for ds, will help him understand some of the reality of mental damage. The rest is up to us both to be clear on our opinions to ds I guess, and then hope for the best... i think i now feel a bit less scared.