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Original poster

My mother is making me feel bad because DD has accidents.

13 replies

CharCharGabor · 06/03/2009 22:44

I'm talking like falling and bumping her head, biting her lip, that kind of thing. She's 19 months and one of those children who is into everything and has no fear. Plus she's a bit wibbly when she's tired. So she has bumps and things. I wouldn't say it was majorly frequent but there's usually a few together then a break for a bit. I don't know why Anyway, if my mother sees her with a bruise or bump she puts on a disapproving tone and suggests it's my fault (not in words but hopefully ykwim). Is it my fault DD hurts herself? I do watch her as much as I can but she's fast sometimes and I can't have my eyes on her all the time. It just makes me feel like shite though, like I'm not taking good enough care of DD I do have a lot of other issues with my mother but things like this do make me doubt my own abilities tbh.

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wrinklytum · 06/03/2009 22:48

Oh they all have bumps and bruises when they are at the toddling stage.If it makes you feel better dd (HAS SN) was toddling about on her walking frame and hit a bump in the pavement fell flat on her face and sliced through her lip ending with a 4 hour wait in casualty to get it glued.DS fell off a table onto concrete step and had a huge egg.Even at 5 he usually has bruised knees from falling over at playtime!You can't be there 24/7 and children do fall over....

Original poster
CharCharGabor · 06/03/2009 22:51

Thanks wrinklytum. I keep telling myself that it's normal but she's so much more daring than my friends' children. They sit there playing with toys while she's trying to throw herself down steps and escape through locked doors. She's actually bruise free atm but I know it's only a matter of time. She headbutted a door last week and had a big egg on her head. Luckily it went down quickly. Plus there's all the little bumps which don't leave a mark, she's always doing that.

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wrinklytum · 06/03/2009 22:54

My neighbour's little boy is similar.He is so into climbing/running, a real physical child.Sometimes these things just happen.You turn your back for a second...

luckylady74 · 06/03/2009 22:59

Ime grandparents can find it hard that they are not in control of their grandchildren - especially if they haven't really accepted that they're not in charge of their adult children either.....

On a lighter note my fil often says that he and his friends say they all worry more about their grandchildren than they did about their children.Old people with time on their hands get anxious!

My ds2 walked at 9mths and has been bumping himself ever since. Please don't worry about this.

Original poster
CharCharGabor · 06/03/2009 23:01

Thanks both of you. I think I am going to have to accept that DD is a bit of a terror and go with the flow. Maybe I should work out a ratio of times I've caught her against times I missed? My mother does have control issues and likes to put me down so I suppose I should just be letting this go over my head.

OP posts:
izzymom · 07/03/2009 00:28

CharChar - be proud of yourself that you have given your daughter the confidence to take risks. She obviously knows that you will pick her up, hug her and love her anyway when she makes a mistake...lucky little girl x

My DD, now 23 mnths, is our 4th, she is determined to keep up with 3 older brothers and as a result usually sports some kind of bruise...often on her face. People do comment, I do feel guilty occasionally, but then I see the delight on her face as she climbs up kitchen drawer handles to reach worktop, bum shuffles along window sill to reach top of TV etc, etc, and think she's gonna be one of life's adventurers, that's just how she's made!!

Lenlen · 07/03/2009 07:48

well it's normal for grandparents to act like that(so overly protective)my mom acts like that too but i've got scars to prove i was able to evade her years ago.

littleducks · 07/03/2009 08:00

well its great that she cares about her grandaughter but incredibly annoying for you

my mil and dhs aunt were horrified when dd had a nasty bruise on her face and said i should take more care of her, the thing was she was mobile young and had literally thrown herself at a bed resulting in a bruise, i was in the room but she was fast and short of putting herin a padded room there wasntmuch i could do

she is nearly three now and im proud of her as all though she can still be a bit of a daredevil on her scooter (so fast!) she has learnt to slow down to negotiate bumps and potholes and steers really well, so it is just a learning stage

and my mil has totally forgotten about the bruise and complains that ds (11 months) isnt mobile and daring enough (dd was walking at this age) as it just isnt in his personality, he is a sit and watch baby

littleducks · 07/03/2009 08:00

well its great that she cares about her grandaughter but incredibly annoying for you

my mil and dhs aunt were horrified when dd had a nasty bruise on her face and said i should take more care of her, the thing was she was mobile young and had literally thrown herself at a bed resulting in a bruise, i was in the room but she was fast and short of putting herin a padded room there wasntmuch i could do

she is nearly three now and im proud of her as all though she can still be a bit of a daredevil on her scooter (so fast!) she has learnt to slow down to negotiate bumps and potholes and steers really well, so it is just a learning stage

and my mil has totally forgotten about the bruise and complains that ds (11 months) isnt mobile and daring enough (dd was walking at this age) as it just isnt in his personality, he is a sit and watch baby

nannyL · 07/03/2009 08:41

Not your fault

all children fall and bump themselves... its how they learn

(oh and i worked for a family who kept their daughter on reins IN THE CARPETED HOUSE for MONTHS after she started walking and literally caught her when ever she fell...
also made a huge fuss every time she did fall, and now if ever she falls over she cries so much you think she would have broken something (where are most other children would just laugh and get up again!)

let them fall over and bump themselves and they learn how to coordinate and balance properly!

piscesmoon · 07/03/2009 08:46

It is much better for your DC to have the bumps and be allowed to do things. I was over protected by my mother when I was a baby-my brothers got off much better becasue she relaxed by the time they came along. I made sure that I let my toddlers try things. It is much better to do it and get the bumps, bruises and grazes than be wrapped in cotton wool.

Original poster
CharCharGabor · 07/03/2009 08:58

Thankyou I am happy that she's so confident and inquisitive, it's lovely to see her trying to work something out. Although the time when she tried to run down a big slide was less than fun I have always wanted to give her the freedom to explore but things like this do make me doubt myself a bit. I feel a lot better now, thanks.

nannyL I know a woman who had her daughter on reins for months. My face was like this

OP posts:
piscesmoon · 07/03/2009 09:34

Don't doubt yourself-I wish my mother had let me hurt myself-I tend to be overcautious when it comes to risk taking.

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