will my 3 year old understand this?

[bookswapper]

He was given a time out for biting today at nursery. He has been biting me this week when things haven't been going his way (and I have been very cross with him) but this is the first time he has bitten another child.

It was written up in an incident book and had to be signed by the other mother, I was quite shocked.

Anyway, nursery said the bite was unprovoked but it turns out the other child had "squeezed his cheeks"...

so, dont laugh, we did a bit of role play on what to do if his cheeks were squeezed again...we squeezed each others and said "Stop! Don't squeeze my cheeks." And he promised not to bite again.

Do you think this is too advanced an approach and I was wasting my time? Apparently he was very contrite after the time out and was playing alone and very quiet when I picked him up.

I think it's a great idea and by far the best way of dealing with it, way better than time out.

I think using role play can be really effective with small children. I did it with my three year old when another child at the childminder kept pushing her and blocking her way in doorways.

We taught her to say "No (name). I don't like it".

She started saying it and it really helped. She knew what to say and when to say it.

I don't think you're wasting your time at all. The other thing to do is to draw him a "socal story". It's like a very simplfied comic strip. It might be only two pictures - the first one showing one child biting another, the second showing a child with a sad face.

You use it as a way of showing cause and effect, and to help him understand how people feel when they get bitten.

Would that work?

really?!

Thank you so much! Everyone keeps going on on how I should be getting tough on him but he's only three and he was so tired today he almost fell asleep in his spaghetti.

School nursery is very regimented and I am not sure I have done the right thing sending him there. Although usually he says he loves it and they say he is settling well.

i have a dd who is nearly three and a ds who is 11 months, ds irritates dd (pulls her hair etc) she started smacking ds/ pulling his hair back i did similar and explained she had to say "STOP pulling my hair" and then tell me/dh/a grown up who would 'tell off' ds (obv i dont rerlly tell him off but say something to him to placate dd who is told off for hurting him)

9/10 it works quite well, although i did tell her more than once the other time she will poke him/hit him

i think its effective but dont expect it to change overnight

No, I don't think you're wasting your time. DS's preschool use role play at times. DS1 was being picked on by a slightly more boistrous child, and was coming home crying a lot, saying that this boy had taken his toy, but he had said nothing to nursery staff at the time. We had a chat with them, and they 'role played', pretending to take his toy, and getting him to shout 'NO!' loudly. (The idea being that he would be standing up for himself and also attract the attention of staff, who could intervene and correct the other child's behaviour)

A year later, DS is more confident, the other child is calmer and they are friends!!

He really understood and responded, role play was so much more effective than just explaining to a toddler.

He isnt at nursery next week but I will definately try a "social story" with him and try the role play again just before he goes back.

I am very grateful for your encouragement...I only guessed at what explanation might get through to him.