4 1/2 year old behaviour ;tips for breaking a negative cycle

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My son is 4 1/2 years old and started school straight after his 4th birthday at the same time as his baby sister being born. I'm sure this is part of the problem. He is just downright awkward and refuses to come upstairs to get bathed, put shoes on, get changed, wash hands etc etc. We've sorted out school morning as with a reward chart as he was having awful screaming sessions leaving me ratty and exhausted after dropping him off. Is it normal for this age child to still screech and tantrum over routine tasks? Today he took his shoe off and hit another child at school. He doesn't seem remorseful and just said he was cross. He doesn't seem to have any particular school friends; is this normal? I'm worried that the few occasions he has lashed out is alienating him from other kids.

Yes, I think it can be quite normal, especially with such a big event in his life like having a new baby sister. Have the staff at school told you what they are doing about his behaviour? If you have the time, it might be good to ask to talk to the teacher (without your ds there). My ds2 moved school at the start of this term, and was pretty badly behaved for the first few weeks and I also worried that he would put other children off and get a reputation for being naughty. But the teachers were straight in with a system to encourage children to behave well, and we did the same stuff at home to maintain consistency. It took about a week but seemed to straighten him out. I was really impressed by their swift response, and it contrasted with his last school when they didn't really seem able to deal with his boisterousness (to be slightly euphemistic ).

Also I think it's quite usual for younger kids to find it harder to settle in to school and match up to the expectations. I've read a few news reports mentioning this, for example see the middle of this report.

Sounds normal to me. DS didn't have any particular friends at school until he was 5.

I would say work on strategies for getting him to cooperate on what has to be done but keep that to the minimum.

Eg handwashing, let him choose whether it is bathroom or kitchen sink or plastic bucket of water on the floor so long as they are washed!