Can someone advise me re my 3 and half year old daughter, im getting quite concerned....

[QueenofVenus]

I have 2 older boys, and when i toilet trained them i waited until they showed signs of being ready and then i took it from there, usually them getting the hang of it (with a few accidents obviously) within a couple of weeks at most and they were both about 2 - 2 and a half. But my dd is over 3 and a half and she never showed ANY signs of being ready, so i instigated things gently and with lots of encouragement of course, and she never seems to have got the hang of it, she wets herself all the time, she refuses to wear nappies pull up pants because she says thats what babies wear, but she goes through 5/6 pairs of knickers/tights etc a day, i remind her alot, i try and encourage her to go every hour or so etc but she has never got the hang of it, its been nearly a year now and my washing machine is constantly washing wet piddle soaked knickers and tights!!! Is this normal or should i be worried at all????

Arter i got fed up of the continuous accidents (this will raise eyebrows i'm sure) but i went completely mad, SCREAM at poor DD and she was so sad to have disappointed me she was trained 24 hours later!

Actually strictmum I did something similar. I almost never raise my voice to dd but I did rather sternly tell her how totally unacceptable it was to stand two feet away from the potty and wee on the carpet/sofa etc. I made my dispeasure very clear although I wouldn't say I went mad.

That night we had a long chat though and I said how frustrated I was and that I loved her whether she weed in the potty or not and I would try to be less grumpy about it if she would try and go on the potty.

Next day, she started to wee in the potty. I think it was the combination - neither the stern talking or the chat would have worked on thier own, I think.

Acinonyx - I feel for you [empathetic emoticon]

it's v waring (sp?) especially when you know they can do it - but only when they want to

I probably did everything during dd's 'wet' phases (she never had poo issues, interestingly)... being calm, 'never mind' approach, bribery, choc rewards, sticker charts, getting cross, loooong chats to try and resolve it

IME the ONLY thing that worked was to ignore it. If she was wet, it was a "Ok, go and get changed then" and no more. No disapproval, no chipper attitude, no airy-fairy it doesn't matter... and similarly, when she did go to the toilet properly, no over-the-top praise just a simple "well done" type thing

I too wondered at times if this palaver would be going on in Reception. It hasn't There is hope yet, September is a long way off!

Yes I'm trying to be more chilled about The Poo Issue. I'm trying.... good thing knickers are cheapl.

could try keeping a log (pun intended!) an accident book (there i go again!) of times she had a wee/poo, and then putting her on the potty a few minutes before. i set up a little table with toys and activities for my DD, would try and keep her there til she had "gone" perhaps she doesnt really realise. do you take her to toilet with you?

I also have the wilful type, although she is abit younger at 2.9. She can do the whole toilet thing, which means that I find it even more frustrating because she picks and chooses whether to wet herself or not. She alternates between clean and dry days with requests to go to the loo and "Can't bothered days" where she just wets and says "Oh dear" then goes and gets her own change of clothes. This morning she told me that she never wants to wee again, she is just going to hold it forever.

lol at "hold it in forever"

DD once told me she "hated" going to the toilet because it is so "boring" !