Ds 'helped himself' in the supermarket tonight. I'm a little unsure...

[CKelpie]

I probably ought to name change but shame isn't my biggest problem right now.

He is 9 but a very immature 9 according to the Ed Psych, learning difficulties which we are yet to get to the bottom of completely...

But anyway, I thought I had brought him up to know right from wrong.

We were in the supermarket, and he often goes to the toy or dvd aisle to 'window shop'. This time he took himself off to the sweetie aisle and ate a chewy sweet and left the wrapper there. When I met up with him he still had a mouthful and tried to tell me his friend had given it to him. I could tell he was lying and made him show me the wrapper. I told him it was stealing (didn't shout but I wanted to) and we went to pay (24p ffs). I could tell he knew it was wrong and he has apologised and confirmed he understands what is wrong and why I was angry.

Last night, he came into my bed in the wee small hours and I woke up to him crying in his sleep. He said he was worried about the swimming lessons which he started today.

Is this all connected?

What am I going to do?

I have read about the reports of children from single parent families being more likely to enter a life of crime. Is this the start?

I'm so upset I've started bawling and I can't stop.

I would really appreciate some advice please.

I'm sure he's not on the slippery slope to a life of crime.... He did something wrong and together you rectified it (by paying) he knows it was wrong and is upset that he has done it (and upset you)

I can't see what Mrs and Mrs "Normal" would have done that wouldn't have been different.

If you didn't care about it, you would have let him get away with it

Don't cry CK... it sounds like you are doing a fantastic job!
I don't know why he took the sweet, maybe he didn't think, maybe he "needed" it, maybe he wanted to see what happened. It doesn't matter really because you caught it and reinforced right from wrong. I'm sure plenty of children try this and many won't come from single families.
I don't think it'll be connected to the swimming lessons, but it sounds like he might be having a tough time atm.
9 is a difficult age, SEN or not... I've got one, who is doing things I thought he'd either learnt or outgrown, strops, answering back, bad table manners the list goes on. I seem to do nothing but nag, but I know he is a decent kid really and I'm positive your ds is too.

Honestly, I don't think it means you are destined for a life of crime.

My sister went through something similar - took a few small things and (once) some gold earrings from a friend of my mums.

My mum NEVER let her get away with it. Make sure he has to deal with the consequences - my mum made my sister apologise in person to her friend when the earrings were returned.

She is now a very upstanding person and hasn't ever considered crime as a career.

I can see why you are upset and it's what makes you a good mum, but I do think it is beatable!!

Please dont tie yourself up in knots about this , he isn't going to enter a life of crime, because you dealt with it brilliantly, you care, he cares about what he did. he will be fine.

maybe he was crying about the stealing, but could only bear to mention the swimming lessons.

i stole something from a shop at a similar age and was sick in the night because i was scared.

I think it was about age 9 that the vicar's daughter introduced me to the thrills of nicking from Woolworth's pick and mix .

Don't beat yourself up, don't overthink it, don't worry so much. See if you can bring up the swimming lessons thing over breakfast in case there's something on his mind? It may be that he was just feeling over-emotional and used it as an excuse for tears anyway, IYSWIM?

Sounds like you're doing a great job anyway

I was persuaded to nick makeup from Woolies when i was nine,by some older girls I played with.Needless to say I was caught and I was so ashamed and upset-I never shoplifted again,not even a sweetie from the corner shop.I think most children will steal something small at some point and it doesn't mean he will make a habit of it if he understands why it is a bad thing.He will probably never take anything else now he knows how sad you are about it,he is obviously upset too.We all do silly things sometimes.

Thank you for the replies.
I'm scared for him, for his future what with his learning difficulties and somtimes I just don't seem to be able to get through to him.

I did manage to get through tonight though and he is in bed asleep now so doesn't know I am crying.

But him crying in his sleep came before the stealing so I just don't know what to make of it.

Maybe I am making too much of it. Or maybe I need to get him talking.

I don't know much about learning difficulties (and I hope I don't have to learn). Are you on the SN board? Maybe get some more constructive hand-holding over there? My heart's going out to you

That is a good point PerArdua, I tend to be one for getting on with it myself. I'm not very good at asking for help but I think I might perhaps be finding my limits now.