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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

baby is acting strange with grandmothers

21 replies

newmumkarenc · 03/03/2009 21:50

My baby is 4 months old and cries when both grandmothers even so much as look at her. Is there anything I can do to help? I try to smile and make encouraging sounds so that she doesn't feel threatened by my mother and mother-in-law. The only person she doesn't act like this with is my sister, who obviously looks and sounds like me, and is always smiling and speaks in baby-speak to her. Could it be that the people she acts strange with are not smiling or acting confident enough with her, or is it a phase that she will simply grow out of?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Divineintervention · 03/03/2009 21:50

She'll grow out of it, for sure.

MrsMattie · 03/03/2009 21:52

Lots of babies only really like their mum for the first few months. It will pass.

bran · 03/03/2009 21:53

Do they smell 'odd'? I don't mean a bad smell like BO, but do they wear perfume or strongly scented body lotion or talc?

Desiderata · 03/03/2009 21:55

Bless you! Of course it's a phase she'll grow out of. She's a baby

You've got 25 years of phases ahead of you!

plonker · 03/03/2009 21:56

Ah bless her. Don't worry, its just a phase.

My dd1 was, shall we say, an anti-social little soul
She would weigh people up before deciding whether they were worthy of a smile or indeed any affection at all. She would positively bawl if my BIL came near her, lol. She is much more pleasant now, I promise

It will pass. She won't hate her grandparents forever - she'll soon be shunning you for a night at grandmas

Stinkyfeet · 03/03/2009 21:57

Like bran says, we also thought ds2 didn't like MIL's strong perfume. Sometimes they don't like people who wear glasses - could that be it?

Original poster

newmumkarenc · 03/03/2009 21:58

Thanks for the advice. I don't think there's a strong smell associated with either, but my mum is coming to stay for the weekend, so I'll see how baby is (if there is more of a reaction after my mum has put her perfume on).

My mum said that she would be really embarrassed if she was me. I bet the same thing happened when she had just had me, but she just can't remember.

OP posts:

plonker · 03/03/2009 22:00

Oh yes, glasses, i'd forgotten about that - hats too!
Both my older daughters were really freaked out by hats. I remember a total meltdown from dd2 on Christmas day when everyone had their party hats on ...it took a while to sink in why she was so upset

plonker · 03/03/2009 22:01

Thats a bit mean from your mum - no need to be embarrassed at all!! Yes, I suspect she has a selective memory on that one.

Don't worry

ConnorTraceptive · 03/03/2009 22:02

DS2 was just like this. He was fine until he got to 4 months and then just bawled at any of DH's family!!

Try to ignore little comments from others they do grow out of it. Although ds2 is still a little with MIL (sensible chap )

MmeLindt · 03/03/2009 22:03

Why should you feel embarrassed? It is a perfectly normal (and necessary) part of childhood. It means that your baby recognises familiar people. Most babies go through this stage, some more some less. Don't worry about it and don't let your mum make you feel bad.

flimflammum · 03/03/2009 22:04

My DS used to be scared of ugly people. No offence, newmumkarenc, I'm sure it's not the case with your DD. But it was embarrassing, as I couldn't explain why he was suddenly screaming in places like lifts !

Original poster

newmumkarenc · 03/03/2009 22:11

I feel much better now, thanks
My mum lives 300 miles away so sees us quite infrequently. I want her to become familiar to DD, but realise that this will just take time and I should be patient.

OP posts:

MmeLindt · 03/03/2009 22:13

Does you Mum come rushing up to DD when she visits?

We live abroad and my parents were very good at not leaping on the DC as soon as they got off the plane. They would wait for the DC to get used to them and then hold them.

Now the DC just about knock them over when they come through the arrivals gate.

Original poster

newmumkarenc · 03/03/2009 22:17

Hmmm. I think both my mum and MIL rushed to DD when they'd not seen her for a while. I'll bear that in mind when they next visit.
DD might require a 15 minute observation period before cuddles, ha ha!

OP posts:

paranoidmother · 03/03/2009 22:34

Would it be glasses that they wear? My two hated people wearing glasses for a while and cried at them.

It is a phase. My daughter hated people grabbing her for hugs etc and still isn't keen, would rather watch them for a while and then hug.

sobanoodle · 03/03/2009 23:06

"observation perod" is actually spot on karenc. . I used to get seriously pissed off with mil and sil when they'd pounce on my babies the second we were over the threshold for visits. The children would cry/cling to me (often just awake after a nap in the car..) and then mil and/or sil would get out the sour pussy cat lips and announce "oooh, s/he's antisocial/ a cry baby/ miserable today.." etc.

They just need a little space, that's all. The love will come.

piscesmoon · 03/03/2009 23:24

Its just a phase. When they are newborn you can hand them to anyone. Now she is old enough to know that she wants to stay with you and not go to strangers. The next stage is to recognise that 'strangers' and find that they are familiar, she will then go on to develop her own relationship with them. The important thing is not to get upset and to give her space and time-don't force it. It always helps to say 'it is just a phase'-it generally is!

Thankyouandgoodnight · 04/03/2009 09:26

Completely normal and the fault lies with your mum and MIL rather than your baby. They should let her watch them for a good long while and then get down on the floor next to her and play next to her and let her approach them at her own pace - I can't believe they don't know that - perhaps they think that respect and trust is expected rather than earnt ?

macaco · 04/03/2009 09:51

My DS is 11 months and sees his granny (my MIL) about once a week but quite often cries when she picks him up. A lot of it is to do with the fact that she's Spanish and shrieks at him rather than talking at him I think the noise is just too much. All the Spanish in laws are the same and he cries at all of them too.
Get them to sit quietly for the first 10 minutes or so when they see her and wait til she's sized them up before picking her up. It'll pass. Bit cheeky of your mum to say she'd be embarrassed

sobanoodle · 04/03/2009 09:55

Here here Thankyou and macaco...

How can they FORGET what babies are like ?

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