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How to get DD of 2.5 to eat at OUR table

25 replies

livysmum · 03/03/2009 21:29

so this is definatly the result of a tele addict i'm sure.
DD is 2.5 and wont eat or snack at OUR table...she eats at the table at play group and restaurants but not home.
SHE thows a FIT and has to eat on her couch even if the tele is off she wont sit at the table.
hubby gets home at 6 and we eat at abotu 6:30 or 7 and if we dont turn it on when we get it...its still the same episode of tantrum as if we were to have turned it on..
any suggestions?

OP posts:
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thisisyesterday · 03/03/2009 21:32

erm yes, I would serve her food at the table and if she doesn't sit up she doesn't get it!

am slightly shocked that you let a 2.5 yr old dictate where she eats her meal tbh!

livysmum · 05/03/2009 02:17

yah..... thanks for your input... just looking for some advice not judgements
cheers

OP posts:
LadyPenelope · 05/03/2009 04:55

I would explain that all food and snacks from now on has to be eaten at the table. If she does come and sit at the table and eat, then she will get a sticker on a chart and after 5 stikcers (or 10 whatever) she will get a treat. (trip to park, a sweet, small toy or something.)
If she does not come to table to eat, then you could either just take the food away and that's it until next snack/meal time or you could try time out.
For DS (3) when he was messing around at table and kept getting up or if he refuses to wash hands and come and sit down at dinner time, I give him a warning and then if he doesn't come it's time out. If he then apologies and comes to sit down after time out, that's great, otherwise he sits in time out for another 3 minutes.
You are going to have to be tough to crack this and put up with tantrums etc. And would definitely remove her from sofa for her time out.
Good luck.

LadyPenelope · 05/03/2009 04:58

Just to add - my kids went through a stage where they were watching TV every meal. We're about 6 months on and they know they sit at table with TV off now. Once a week, if they have had good table manners at table, I'll let them watch TV. It's particularly good if they are v. tired.

savoycabbage · 05/03/2009 05:49

I would just giver her her food at the table and nowhere else. If she has a tantrum or won't come to eat it I would take it away. I would make eating at the table a pleasant option for her. Lots of chit chat etc so that she can see why it is nicer to eat at the table than anywhere else.

My dd was 'addicted to Dora the explorer' a while back. It's all she talked about and all she ever asked to do and eventually we went 'cold turkey' We didn't have any TV at all, which was horrible for me, but it really worked. It was driving me mad as she was asking for TV all of the time. Now she knows that she only has TV before bed, when she is in her PJs, she has stopped whining about it and it has made her much happier I think.

Thisyesterday is right really. Giver her her meals at the table and if she wants to eat then she knows where to come.

GossipMonger · 05/03/2009 06:17

I think you have just let her have her own way and now it is a pattern which is hard to break. We have all done similar things.

Now you have to be firm and strong and stand no nonsense.

Meals are served at the table without the TV on. If she doesnt sit down then she doesnt eat! Simple as that.

I would reward the good and ignore the bad behaviour.

thisisyesterday · 05/03/2009 09:10

livysmum... I did give advice.
which was to serve her food at the table, and if she doesn't sit up she goes without.

which is, as you'll note, exactly what everyone else has said.

trixymalixy · 05/03/2009 09:39

I'm just wondering if 7 is a bit late for a 2.5 year old to have dinner, and that maybe the tantrums are more a result of her being overtired?

What time does she get up in the morning and go to bed?

I'm not criticising, as I know that it's hard to fit in a working day and making tea early etc. Just making a suggestion as my DS is normally quite happy to sit at the table, but when he is tired he throws a strop about any little thing, particularly if he has been in nursery all day.

stinkymonkey · 05/03/2009 10:06

You probably will have to put up with some tantrums to change this behaviour. I know most people don't do this, but I let my DS have a toy up at the table which helps to keep him occupied.

Is she the sort of child who doesn't like changes in routine? Maybe it would help to prepare her by telling her that you are always going to eat at the table from now on. Just keep it calm but be firm, don't argue with her.

Is there any way you can do her meal earlier? 7 does seem very late for a 2 yr old, especially if they've had a busy day.

morningpaper · 05/03/2009 10:09

Where does she have her breakfast and lunch?

Dinner in front of telly on the sofa is a lovely TREAT but for not for every day - maybe say she can do it at weekends for now, or something?

Your sofa must be FILTHY

morningsun · 05/03/2009 10:13

its easily done this happened a bit with us as i was cooking and seeing to the others while the youngest dc sat watching a video
agree with others maybe earlier tea,not lasting too long and then a star and tv on after tea.
try a distraction thing like"what dvd will be your special treat for after you have sat at the table for tea?"
on the other hand ignore me as i'm a bit too soft myself!

morningpaper · 05/03/2009 10:13

OI imposter

bubblagirl · 05/03/2009 10:14

could you get special plate and get her to choose where she will sit at table and get her to set her place at table i would also do dinner slightly earlier as if my ds is tired he will refuse to eat anywhere maybe about 5pm get her settled at table and eat then tv after as a treat try no tv for an hour before dinner distract with a game or helping you with doing her dinner get her to set table loads of praise

then sit her at table with loads of praise and let her eat there put her back with praise if she tries to get down maybe the no tv before hand will help

2 tablespoons per portion so 6 tablespoons of food is adequate intake so if she eats this amount then let her down from table with loads of praise and a sticker maybe and set this as a routine every day no tv distraction and an earlier dinner

morningpaper · 05/03/2009 10:15

I would say NO TV after dinner

otherwise she won't eat anything or will just wolf down her dinner

TBH at that time of night it is time for bath/bed/story I'd have thought, no time for anything else

morningsun · 05/03/2009 10:16

mp are you talking to me?

thisisyesterday · 05/03/2009 10:27

agree with morningpaper.
actually, I don't think you should be rewarding her at all for sitting and eating her dinner.

2pt4kids · 05/03/2009 10:28

I'm thinking that the late dinner might be a big part of her tantrums. Its very late for that age to be having dinner.
Could she eat earlier at 5ish and then when your DH gets in he could bath her and get ready for bed at 7ish?
You could all eat together at weekends?

I think regarding the eating at the table, you will have to go with putting food on the table and if she wont sit there then she doesnt get it.
If she is hungry later I'd offer fruit (I am a soft touch!) but I would make her sit at table for it again.

amidaiwish · 05/03/2009 10:37

to break the habit, make it special for her.
get her a nice place mat, plate, cutlery and cup. only use this at the table.
try and make it a nicer place to be than the sofa.

when she has accepted/settled into this then you could let her have a snack tea on the sofa say once a week but only as a treat (i tend to let mine do this on a friday, give them pizza with chopped up raw veg).

i also think 7pm is way too late for her to be eating. mine (3 and 5) have tea at 5.30 and i can't imagine them lasting much longer.by 6.30/7 they just want to cosy up on the sofa and watch some TV before bed.

ilovespinach · 05/03/2009 19:24

We had this problem too...ds1 got used to eating his meals at his little table whilst watching beebies

We have recently managed to break this - I just put the meal at the ''big'' table and tell him it's there....I offer to read a story which he likes although sometimes I can't because I have to feed ds2 so I will promise to read him a story after he had had his meal at the table. If he makes a fuss I ignore him and he learns that he will go hungry...

It took about 3 days for him to be happy sitting at the big table. Oohhh just thought - I bought him his own special table mat with a car on it which he likes to look at - maybe you could try that with your dc.

Best of luck

livysmum · 07/03/2009 02:10

Thanks mums
I'll try moving dinner up adn see if that helps but its at anytime of the day...
she just wont sit in her seat. Its just that dad gets home at 6 and either his tea will be re-heated or I'll have to make one tea for her and one for us...
Plan is to start tomorrow from breakfast and like you've all suggested eat there at all times...

we've been doing so much changes lately. We said goodbye to the Dummie a week and a half ago and started potty training last saturday PLUS she is dealing with a cold for the past 4 days so I think that this'll just be another part of being a 'big girl now' that she has to also do this eating at the table.

Sofa comments. hehehe she has her own little floor one that fold out to a bed kind of thing if you've seen those and you can take it apart to put in the wash... so its great. definatly best purchase i've made in a long time

OP posts:
tigerdriver · 07/03/2009 02:15

well I would definitely make one tea for her and one for you two later. just give yourself more space but have special meals at the weekends when you are all together.

IMO it's more important to get nutritous grub down her now than teach table manners to a 2 yo. The manners can come later.

LadyPenelope · 07/03/2009 03:46

That's a lot of new things for you all to crack at the same time! Once you decide to crack the eating at table, definitely make it for all meals until it's well established and part of your routine ... then you can do a treat in front of TV every now and again. But if she has a cold and with no dummy, potty training etc ... it would be understandable if the new regime waited for a few days!

BlueberryPancake · 07/03/2009 21:14

well I dissagree with just about anyone here. How english is that - let's all teach our 2 year old some table manners and Not feed them if they don't do exactly what we ask and demand that they should do... I let my kids eat in the living room, they have their own little table (from Ikea, fantastic invention) - but we do have breakfast on the dining room table all together, every morning. They generally don't watch telly whilst they eat. They don't eat on the sofas because I don't want crumbs, but a lot of the time, we eat in the garden (even if it's cold). I'm a bit of a free spirit, and don't care very much about table manners, they will learn all that later, fgs!!. If they are hungry they eat if they are not hungry they don't eat.

If we go out at restaurant, I make sure that they have a little something to nibble on (breadsticks, some sunflower seeds, ...) whilst we wait for the food as they don't do waiting very well but when the food is there they are fine.

Anyway, coming back to your question, what I would do is associate sitting at big table with really good fun food. Start with an ice cream cone - or something like that - and encourage her to join you for pudding. Then when she associates table with nice food, place her main food on the table and do a nice game, play, have some fun - PLEASE have some fun and don't make her skip meals!!!! She is 2 years old!!

Another thing - as for TV, maybe you should say something like Sorry hon,there's nothing good on right now, let's eat whilst there's nothing on and we can watch something really good after or something like that. Then after only a couple of days I'm sure it will become a habit.

I get a bit tired sometimes of this Routine speech, discipline, you must do exactly what I say speech, they are little kids, they want to have fun and play and learn through play... and sometimes I feel a bit overwhelmed with just how high people's expectations are of a two year old!!

nannyL · 08/03/2009 00:14

food is eaten at table or she can go hungry until next meal is offered ay the table...

repeat for as long as it takes knowing she will not starve herself to death

snacks are for children who have eaten their meals! , and are offered at the table for as long as it takes for sitting at table to eat a meal to not be an issue any more.

i dont consider it a high expectation for children to eat meals at the table..

in m last job it was in my contract and i would have got a verbal warning for allowing the 2 year old to dictate where he or she ate their meals!... (it wouldnt even occur to any of my charges to not sit at then table for meals in the same way that when we go in the car they sit strapped into their car seats)

Shylily · 09/03/2009 21:50

If you absolutely want her to sit at the table maybe try giving a choice about how/where. Eg - 'We're all going to sit at the table to eat dinner together but do you want to sit on your booster seat or on the blue cushion?' or 'here or there', 'next to Dad or next to me'.
If you don't want to push it (because despite the horror expressed by some others it's almost guaranteed that she won't do this when she's 23) maybe give a choice of 'which' table. My DS often eats at his play table although I like him to sit up with us when we're all eating at the same time. Pick your battles.
I really like 'BlueberryPancake's' advice.

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