Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Boisterous/challenging playdate

16 replies

dingledangle · 03/03/2009 15:57

I have changed my name as I regularly post on here.

I wanted some advice on how to deal with boisterous/challenging children when they are invited to your house on a playdate.

DD likes the playdate but the child can be very boisterous bordering on the dangerous (will push children off of slides at top etc). Mum does not always reprimand and so I end up being left trying to diffuse the situation. In the past I have suggested parks etc but have decided to try meeting at home again. Both the children have younger siblings who will be with us too.

I am sure this is a common situation for many parents. Now with the younger sibling it is harder to keep such a watch on the older ones (who are 4 years old) but I am worried that someone will be hurt. My DD is no angel but that said there is no point in a play date if you are worried someone might be harmed.

How have others dealt with this?

I was thinking of suggesting some 'ground rules' in future for the safety of all the kids as there will be little ones will be crawling about on the floor too.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mrsmaidamess · 03/03/2009 16:00

Make sure you organise activities where the children can be seen at all times...eg playdough at the kitchen table, or drawing, or lego on the floor or whatever. IME it's when you can't see them that the incidents happen. Not sure if you can impose ground rules if the other parent is there?

Flyonthewindscreen · 03/03/2009 16:11

My DS (now 7) has certainly had some boisterous playdates... (one going on downstairs at the mo, much crashing and shouting) IME it is when DC are a little older and come without their parents that dealing with this is more of a problem.

If this child is pushing others of top of slides etc and the parent is there and not always reprimanding, is this a playdate you want to continue with? Before long you might have to deal with this child solo...

Hassled · 03/03/2009 16:15

I have no qualms whatseover in saying loudly and clearly to the child "We don't do that in this house". Stress the "in this house" so you're not undermining what the mother allows in her house - kids know that some behaviours are fine in Place A and not in Place B, so they generally accept it.

If you don't allow your kids to leap off a bunk bed, say (recent example we had with one of DS3's friends), then those are the rules in your house. I can't see the mother taking issue with it - she must realise people have different rules.

Pheebe · 03/03/2009 17:30

Erm actually the 'in this house' bit sounds VERY much like criticising the other parent!

I would stop the playdates tbh if you're in fear for the other kids safety.

Nightcrawly · 03/03/2009 19:51

I would stop the playdates too, at least at home, and meet on more neutral territory. I'm not sure that "in this house" is criticising the other parent, I think it is just stating what your house rules are, which everyone is entitled to have. My particular one is that food will be eaten at our table and I enforce that with all playdates because it is what we do in this house.

homicidalmatriach · 03/03/2009 19:55

I also say 'we don't hit' or 'what a horrible thing to do, please stop that immediately'. I'm scary enough that it works but there is one kid that we just actively avoid now and so does everyone else because his mum just ignores his bad behaviour (on the groups apparently that if she ignores it, it stops - he's five FFS, at some point you have to accept that isn't working!!!

He dropped a metal car on my newborn sons head and was frogmarched into another room to sit quietly at the table and draw (by me - his mum didn't even bloody notice)

Thankyouandgoodnight · 03/03/2009 20:05

I definitely say my piece with other kids and that's outside the home too - if it's something that matters, i will say nicely a couple of times in earshot of the mother and then if they don't do anything and it's effecting either my kids or my property, I rack it up, get eye to eye and turn on the tone and sort it out. i then apologise to the mother and say them's is the rules for mine so I can't allow anyone else to do the same, sorry.

Thankyouandgoodnight · 03/03/2009 20:06

And if the mother has issue with this, she will just avoid you in the future and problem sorted.

dylsmum1998 · 03/03/2009 20:10

homicidalmatriach do i know you?? lol i know a five year old and mother just like that, she also has a 2 yr old i was in the wrong for suggesting her children might like to sit down in my living room whilst eating the other month (food was being trodden into my rug, squashed into my sofa etc etc)

so suggesting to a child we don't do that in this house, as suggested by others doesn't always go down well, needless to say they have not been invited back since.....

strictmumof3 · 03/03/2009 20:10

I think house rules are fine. I don't allow 'naughty words' in my house yet my friend is happy for her kids to have 'potty mouths' but she respects my house rules, equally when i go to her house the kids have to go to the kitchen table for a drink, while i am happy for drinks in my front room. Everyone is different, but the 'in our house' is great in my opinion.

homicidalmatriach · 03/03/2009 20:14

No, not the same one - just the same type I suspect

It's quite good when mums like that take umbrage though - they tell everyone and now and then someone says 'actually, your kid is pretty horrid'

dylsmum1998 · 03/03/2009 20:18

we don't know many other friends the same, but yes i have no doubt i was not receiving compliments for a while after
but its not the first, or by far the worst that has happened with her and her dc. and quite frankly i decided "no more"

Smee · 03/03/2009 20:36

It's softer in your house on the other mum if you say 'sorry, but DS/ DD isn't allowed to do that, so I don't think I can let you do it either.' I wussed out about a month ago on one of DS's friends. Always meet him in parks now. I am so glad winter is over

Thankyouandgoodnight · 03/03/2009 20:46

My friend puts other people's kids on the naughty step in her house (with their mother there!) if they persist in breaking house rules!!

Smee · 03/03/2009 20:48

blimey that's something I would never do thankyou. Though I did tell this particular friend that if he didn't do as I asked, I'd have to ask his mum to take him home.

Original poster

dingledangle · 04/03/2009 11:50

I find it very diffiuclt to strike a balance because I do want the children to play without me watching every move but just when you think they are playing nicely he will try to push someone over or hit them with something (unprovoked!). My DD seems to enjoy playing with him most of the time but I equally don't want her to think this behaviour is normal or acceptable. I wonder whether I should encourage DD to play with other less aggressive children?

OP posts:

Flip