Really failing to cope with DS and his behaviour

[AmIWhatAndWhy]

We are 'in the system' at the moment for investigation into his delayed speech development and his behaviour.

I really feel like I can't carry on and no one seems able to help.

He is 3 and still not potty trained. he screams when he wants something instead of asking.

Our house is covered in scribbles and chipped paint and he doesn't seem to care if he is punished.

It's getting worse though, when he goes to bed he lies there throwing things at the wall, for hours. It's exhausting, he falls asleep around midnight then has to be up at 7 for preschool so is always grumpy.

The very worst thing he did was the other day. He threw a wooden block at the light fitting in the living room and shattered the light bulb. Luckily he wasn't hurt but I was when I went to remove it and stupidly gave myself a huge electric shock. He then tried to do it again so we now have no overhead lights in the house.

We've tried all sorts, routine, changing his diet, reward charts but nothing is changing.

I'm sitting here surrounded by his destruction and can't see a way forward. It's affecting DD (aged 2) as well as I have to spend so much time supervising him.

I'm sorry this is a long rant, it helps even to just get it down.

I don't know if this is practical for you but my DS had such terrible issuesthat we were advised to put him into residential care before he was 5 .
He was diagnosed before he was 2 with severe ASD which was devastating at the time but at least gave me a handle on what I was doing.

We hired a private educational psycologist who was fantastic at teaching me how to help shape his behaviour even though he had very little spoken or receptive speech.
The people I used are based around Euston from memory and the report and meetings probably amounted to a couple of hundred pounds. But the help was just enormous and DS2 has never looked back. He is sweet, not the slightest aggresive and incredibly compliant.
My point is that the investigations can take ages and then they start thinking about to help. You may be better served trying to find out how to deal with the behaviours and worrying what is causingthem later.

We don't have a garden, we are in London and can't afford a place with one. Today I couldn't even get him to preschool as the double buggy wouldn't unfold and he refused to walk and spent 20 minutes screaming on the pavement outside our flat. We don't have family anywhere nearby and DP works stupidly long hours.

I'm sorry I just feel very down today. The grim weather doesn't help.

I like the puppy analogy, it does work, but is impossible when he doesn't want tto eat/ go out.

So sorry you are having a hard time. Have you got room for a small square trampoline in the house. I think the chances are he doesn't like being couped up. Can you get to a park for the afternoon? Take him swimming? get him to copy someone exercising like Mr Motivator? skipping? Even a long walk round the block. Is there a soft play area nearby that you could let him run some energy off?
Check for all food additives and remove where possible. Fresh meat and veg and simple pudding is all I would give for at least 3wks to see if it helps. Only fresh fruit juice diluted- low sugar squashes contain aspartane which notoriously cause hyperactivity.

h God . My DS used to refuse to walk. I eneded up with biceps like a shotputter.

It is almost impossible not to feel low - not least because you love them so much and just want to be able to do normal stuff. But - if it helps at all- it really does get better.

It's tough! Especially as I have DD whose still not great at walking at age 2. We tried a buggy board but he was scared of it.

We've got a bowling alley just up the road, I might try and go there, take the single buggy for DS and carry DD if needs be.

Then a large glass of wine with my dinner tonight.

I know about aspartame, it's evil stuff. My mum gave the DC fruitshoots and they were bouncing for hours. He has a really good diet, when I can convince him to eat! Today it's been jam on toast fruit salad ad rice pudding. Better than nothing I suppose.

Thank you everyone, I forgot my manners there. I feel a bit brighter. It's harder when you feel gloomy. I need to try and laugh it off I think.

AmIWhatAndWhy: simply to say I too live in London, no garden and a DS who gets cabin fever when cooped up. When the weather is bad I just go to one of the many free museums (British Museum, the Science Museum, the Natural History Museum, Tate Modern). DS too small to look at anything, but the point is that there is lots of space to run around, up and down stairs, up and down lifts, buttons to press etc. Most places have picnic areas where you can have a packed lunch, and baby-changing facilities, and staff tend to be very tolerant

Also you might want to get a Marko Sky buggy, the most compact one I have come across, you can put the youngest in the front so the walker can't see the rear seat but its there incase the 2yo will not walk
Here ewItemQQptZUKBabyBabyTravelPushchairsGL?hash=item290299970485&trksid=p3286.c0.m14&trkparms=66% 3A2%7C65%3A1%7C39%3A1%7C240%3A1318

sorry the link is for ebay and its marco sky not marko sky

we have a yard for a garden that the dogs use so we can't. We use the pavement to scooter (sorry if you're in a flat). Balloons are fab as they can really hit them, kick them duck and dive and cause no damage and are cheap too.

Put things to scribble with up high and out of visibility. Does he like the computer?
Can you limit the rooms he uses?

Would a solid routine help? He may like the security of knowing what happens when -pictures can help with this. (sorry if you do this)

Soft play, swimming, park -climbing wall?? (The one at Mile end is fab but not sure on age restrictions as not been there for years)

Does he have him and dp time? Ds 1 loves this and gets to plan what they do.

How is he at nursery? How do they manage his behaviour?

So sorry your having a tough time.