am i the only one to find my toddler really irritating?

[gooeycake]

Not sure what i'm trying to achieve by writing this, except to vent some frustration and perhaps to find out i'm not the only one feeling like this. My DS is 3 and although I love him, most of the time I just dont like him. He cannot entertain himself for 2 seconds, he just bugs me all day 'want this, dont want that' etc. I go out to a lot of playgroups and classes with him and everything is so much better out of the house (except other kids also find him a bit odd as he says strange things and is very obsessive about certain things) and he's at nursery 2 days a week (which apparently he is fine at - he just does his own thing!).
If it was just normal toddler tantrums, I could cope (he doesn't really have many tantrums as I try to pre-empt them), its just the constant attention he demands and his lack of attention span (has never finished a puzzle for example, just flits around) that does my head in. For example if I'm hanging the washing out, he'll take everything off the airer as i'm hanging them up, he'll fling around all the folded up washing, empty dirty stuff from the dishwasher that i've just put in etc etc. Just really annoying stuff. I feel so guilty that the child I gave birth to, I have nothing in common with and just find him irritating. I know my negative feelings will be rubbing off on him, so am trying to be more positive. But is it a phase or will he annoy me all his life? Anyone been through this and come out the other side?

i think you need to find what annoys you and try and stop it if your doing something give him a job to do so his not getting into mischief if bored

have time together and do more things together at home most children will flit around that doesn't do my head in i have to say 3 is still quite young

it sounds to me his trying to help you so i think getting him involved with lots of praise

do you do much stuff together crafts etc maybe you could make more time to try and have fun together

he sounds normal for his age there not good at entertaining themselves maybe have structured times to do things play do or painting set him little jobs and lots of praise for helping

maybe you expect to much from him at such a young age lower your expectations and try and have more fun and enjoy your time together

Gooeycake i feel exactley the same at the moment, i have twins, boy and girl, emily is great at entertaining herself, but my son just needs constant attention all the time, i to go out everyday and keep myself busy, but when at home very demanding, craves attention, and the whinging really gets me down, everyday is a battle with him. When you say the bit about i dont like him, i feel the same, i love him to pieces but we just dont seem to connect, and i feel like i am doing something wrong, emily is such a happy little girl, and he always seems grumpy and irriatable.

i do try to do stuff with him - but playdough lasts 5 mins and it all ends up on the floor, baking is a nightmare as he just wants to unload the cupboards (he's not interested in the creating/cooking bit), and colouring/sticking/painting again lasts 5 mins, if that.

You're right though, I just need to lower my expectations. Think i've just had a long hard day (have a baby too who spent all day whingeing). He can be a joy at times too - I just need to remember that!

I'd say at this age they have an attention span of 2 minutes, it's about 1 min per year of their life. It's normal and it does get better. If you fail to play etc and get wound up with him then things will get alot worse though. I found distraction a very useful thing at this age though.

It sounds like you are not having fun playing with him at the moment. Forget about the washing and just get to know him. You do have things in common, you do need to take the time to find them though.

you could be describing my son when he was 3. while i agree with previous posts re lowering your expectations, having fun and this is how 3yr olds are, something else runs through your thread. the odd things he says, obsessive about some things, the flitting from activity to activity but not completing anything, demanding attention, the general chaos he causes etc.yes, toddlers do demand attention, but they should also be able to amuse themselves for short periods,(my youngest is 3), and it doesnt sound like yous ds can do this.my son was dx with ADHD when he was 4.5yrs old, and like i said, you could be describing him at that age-hes now 13, and still very active. if he is still presenting like this in 6 months, i think it may be worth a chat with your GP and perhaps ask him to refer you to a paediatrician for him to have a look, as by this time, your ds will be near to starting school.(Alternatively, your ds may have settled down, and you will think, what was that silly bat on about).

LOL - yep mine does that - except with her it's always 'muummmmmy 'elpppp me pllllleeeeeaaaassse' (well at least she says please I guess. Her father can be sat right next to her and she will still ask me to help her. Gah!

thanks for your messages everyone, I do sometimes think maybe he's not quite 'right' (if you know what I mean) but then when we go out, he's usually much better behaved at other people's houses (tho still with extremely short attention span, much shorter than his peers).

(oops, quick break to fish poo out of his pants - potty training too..)

in fact, cant be on the computer when he's around as he cant stop tapping all the buttons so going to go now and have a fun 2 mins with playdough

He is three years old FGS, what do you expect him to do? Try to ease up and actually have fun with him.

I think you can probably start to lay down some ground rules about not throwing clean washing about or unloading the dirty dishes. Doesn't mean he will always follow them, but you can certainly start trying to discipline him in these areas, perhaps by rewarding him with things he likes for not doing those silly things you dislike?

Does he get plenty of exercise and fresh air each day? I find small children (particularly boys, it has to be aid) do need at least a couple of hours each day letting off steam and running out their pent up energy. Might make him more conducive to quieter, more co-operative behaviour afterwards? (We live in hope ).