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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I don't like you

24 replies

MoreTeaPlease · 02/03/2009 13:52

Does anyone else have a toddler who says this to them?!

Mine has just started, and I know she is going through a phase where she loves to get a reaction for anything she does or says, and will repeat anything that provokes a noticeable exclamation even if it is complete rubbish and she knows it.

But I still find it hurtful. Especially a she seems more prone to say it if I have been out at work or wherever.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

cyphercat · 02/03/2009 14:17

oh... don't worry. my DD started to saying to me 'get off mommy' or 'go away mommy'.

Which I don't take personally as I actually go away then and she says 'come back mommy'. She's just experimenting with words and reactions she will get. It's hard isn't it? Big hug!!

slng · 02/03/2009 14:19

Yes.

When I'm in a good mood I say "That's a shame because I like you very much", or "Is it because I won't let you eat all 24 bars of chocolate at one go?" if there's cause to ask this.

When in a bad mood I either ignore or say "Fine with me! Cook your own tea then" which I admit is unhelpful and not quite fair ...

Tamarto · 02/03/2009 14:20

My DD tells me she hates me and has done since i can remember, she has older brothers though.

I find completely ignoring it means they no longer get the reaction they are looking for, or i'll reply 'that's nice but you are still putting your coat on/getting dressed/etc.

screamingabdab · 02/03/2009 14:56

Really normal moreteaplease. Mine both started it around 3 (IMHO 3 is much more challenging age than 2). They are just beginning to assert their independence from you, and ?testing you.

Sings advice is really good

screamingabdab · 02/03/2009 15:00

Meant to say, don't take it personally, but I know it hurts xx

I didn't work and mine still said it. Mum=guilt!

Coldtits · 02/03/2009 15:01

Ignore. It;'s juist words to her. She means she isn't keen on what you/'re doing or saying right now. But she isn't mature enough to word it that way.

Original poster

MoreTeaPlease · 02/03/2009 15:33

Thank you!

I think I knew this but it still really helps to hear it.

Now I feel more serene about going home after work today, which is a real relief.

OP posts:

bubblagirl · 02/03/2009 15:36

my son says it every now and then i say thats ok because i still love you they dont mean it i just dont let him know it upsets me and i find he doesnt say it so much

womblingfree · 02/03/2009 21:13

My DD went through a phase of 'I love Daddy best...' and sometimes vice versa when she had just turned 3. I found it really hurtful and worrying to begin with, but of course she realised she was provoking a reaction.

Within a few weeks I got the hang of ignoring it or replying 'Oh, Daddy will be pleased you love him so much' and it stopped in a matter of days.

She's now almost 4 1/2 and I could count on the fingers of 1 hand the number of times it's come up in the last year.

Just ignore, ignore, ignore....

honeybunmum · 02/03/2009 21:42

I used to get upset when DD1 said stuff like that but then with DD2 (2ys) now copying everything DD1 says,( and believe me your DC will come out with much worse when she starts school ) you just let it wash over you. They are experimenting with language and reactions. When my 2yr old says "I don't love you mummy" "stupid pants" (a particular favourite at the mo) and "you're not my best friend" I do fakey crying and pretend tantrums, this always makes her laugh and distracts her from her need to abuse me!!! If she's genuinely being nasty, I put on my serious face and give her a talking to.

Nightcrawly · 03/03/2009 20:16

The first time my DD decided to do this was in the middle of ELC when I told her we were leaving. She shouted "I don't like you. You are not my Mummy. I'm not going with you. Where is my Daddy? Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" I was mortified.

I'm wiser now, I adopt the "Oh well, put your coat on anyway/get a move on/I love you."

She has just started trying it with my mum too. When my mum rings I put her on speaker to talk to DD. She now says "Oh no, not Nanny again. Please switch her off Mummy." I do tell her it is not very nice to say that, but my mum laughing on the other end doesn't help.

funnypeculiar · 03/03/2009 20:21

Yup, mine does it too (3 yo). I also work on the policy of 'Really dear? well I love you anyway'

DS (5) was looking thoughtful today and told me that he loved me like a zigzag line - sometimes up high & sometimes not so much. Not sure that it feels any better when they've actually thought their dislike through

piscesmoon · 03/03/2009 20:26

Perfectly normal! No need to feel in the least hurt-she loves you! I used the same line as funnypeculiar.

mankymummy · 03/03/2009 20:26

me too, i just say, "dont you darling? well... i love you".

19 times out of 20 he says... only joking mummy, i do love you really.

he also says...

a) i love you mummy but i dont like you,
b) i like you mummy but i dont love you.

but big hugs and kisses and spontaneous i love you's every day tells me a different story !!!

now then... when he gets to 18, intellectually appraises me and says im boring, then that will hurt !

2pt4kids · 03/03/2009 20:30

My DS1 who is 3 does this.
He does it LOADS to DH, who always falls for it and shows a reaction.
He says it sometimes to me but I always just grin and say 'oh really?' in a disinterested way and 'I still like you though' and he ALWAYS smiles back and tells me he likes me really within a few minutes.
You gotta ignore/not show it hurts you and just keep telling her that you love her and like her anyway. She'll get out of the phase soon

blithedance · 03/03/2009 20:37

In this house it's "I'm not your best friend! I'm Daddy's best friend"

5 mins later...(after some telling off or other)

"Daddy's not my best friend! I'm your best friend"

(yep, he's 3 too)

We just grin and bear it and say "We're all best friends in this family". At first it gave DH a bit of a knock as he was taking it personally.

DippyMummy · 03/03/2009 21:11

Glad I'm not the only one. I get "Stupid Mummy. I hate that Mummy. You're a stupid Mummy and a silly Mummy" from my DS who is nearly 3yrs. I ignore it, and then I get "Mummy you're not LISTENING!!!" However, 5 minutes later it's "You're a lovely Mummy and a nice Mummy and a WONDERFUL Mummy". Which always results in a great big hug.

SnowlightMcKenzie · 03/03/2009 21:16

Don't worry. Just say:

That's okay! Children don't have to like their mummies, but mummies have to like their children and I love you very much.

DontlookatmeImshy · 03/03/2009 21:48

At the moment we get.
"Daddy's nice, 's nice. I'm nice. Mummy's YUK" followed by howls of laughter.

5 minutes later "I like you now mummy. Mummy not yuk anymore"

Phew, that's a relief then

MrsMattie · 03/03/2009 21:50

My 4 yr old has started saying 'You're not my best friend anymore, mummy!' whenever I tell him it's time to turn off the TV/finish his breakfast/hurry up and get dressed. It does sting, but you have to take it with a pinch of salt. I have to stifle a laugh, usually

mankymummy · 04/03/2009 17:10

the other day DS put my face between his hands, looked at me intently and said... "you are sooo pretty mummy, you are almost like a pink fairy. you have a hairy nose mummy"

seeker · 04/03/2009 17:13

I've said this before - but when my ds was about 2, he gazed into my face and said "I love you mummy....." Cue me melting, and I was just about to say "Oh, I love you too" when he continued "...but I love Daddy, Gracie and the kittens more"!

CrazyHorse · 04/03/2009 17:16

I get I hate you.

I can handle it (I'm hard) but friends have reeled in shock.

supergluebum · 04/03/2009 17:22

DS "I don't love you mummy"
Me "......silence"
DS "I said I don't love you mummy, because you switched the television off/stopped me eating another fairy cake/brought me home/are making me go to bed/made me eat my tea/stopped me throwing my tea..." The possibilities are endless.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. Just trying to get a reaction.

Totally normal and just another way of them asserting their little personalities. I've heard it stops then starts again around age 13!

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