How can I get my 2yr old to eat?!

[chickenmama]

My dd (2.9) is a terribly fussy eater. Her diet consists mainly of cheese or chocolate spread sandwiches, yogurt, cheese, bananas and fruit & oat bars (like the organix ones). She likes pizza and would probably eat this a lot, but I only give to her one a week or so.

She will happily eat crisps, biscuits, chocolate, ice cream, sweets of any sort but I limit these as much as I can.

She sometimes eats chips, plain pasta, garlic bread, fried plantain, roasted sweet potato, porridge, raw carrot, cherry tomatoes, grapes and strawberries... but very often she refuses these.

She didn't really start eating foods until she was 13 months, and was almost entirely breastfed up to that point. She had a skin allergy to dairy products until she was just over 2 yrs old.

I'm not sure if I've done something to cause her to eat this way, or if she's just really fussy, but I'd love to be able to encourage her to eat more. I offer her food to try from my plate but she always refuses. It felt like a big achievement recently when she put a pea in her mouth - she will occasionally lick or bite new foods but it takes so much effort and she will always spit them out. She has never eaten a cooked meal and does not eat any meat or vegetables.

If anyone has had to deal with the same sort of thing and has any tips I'd be really grateful. I'm not stressing about it just yet, but it would be nice to have her eating a bit more 'normally'

Thank you QueenFee, that's made me feel better. I do feel bad with how dd eats, especially when I know so many other kids who eat anything.
I guess it's easy for people to tell us how to correct their eating habits, but you really don't know how it is unless you've got a child like ours.
I'm sure that ONE DAY my dd will eat properly but for now it might just be about encouraging her to make small steps - like licking cucumber or chewing and spitting out seseme seeds like she did the other day when we had pizza and salad

Hi
This is the first time I've posted something on here, but some of your experiences with dd's eating are similar to mine with ds (3.3), and maybe this could help. Sorry if this is a bit long!.... Like your dd, ds also had an intolerance to milk which I first identified when he was about 10 months old - when he started vomiting after milk feeds (previously he had been on breast milk). After two months of trying different formulas (on advice from HV and GP) and, eventually plain cow's milk, and watching my previously chubby happy babe progressively getting paler and sicklier looking, I tried goat's milk (against advice of GP and HV). There was an immediate cessation of vomiting, and his weightgain, which had flatlined, started picking up again. But by this time the poor wee guy was quite neurotic about eating in general and has remained very fussy since (although I can't say for sure if it was the cows milk that caused the fussiness). My GP and HV were very concerned about me feeding goat's milk, and were quite insistent that I should keep trying cows milk, and change back as soon as ds could stomach it, which I did when he was around 18 months.
DS is now 3, and was joined by a lovely dd 7 months ago. On commencing weaning, she immediately started exhibiting same symptoms DS had with cows milk products, so I am sticking with breast milk and using goats milk for cooking, yogurt, etc. So far, so good, vomiting stopped.
Interestingly, with goats milk back in the house, I have started giving it to ds again instead of cows. Well, it's been three weeks now. DS who is skinny and small, has started putting on weight, and has a healthy colour I haven't seen in a long time. His behaviour has gone from provocative and unreasonable a lot of the time, to cheerful, affectionate and humorous most of the time. He is still very fussy about what he eats, but mealtimes are no longer a walking on eggshells thing, he is eating in greater quantities and is willing to give more things a try. He has also started talking quite a lot in a positive way about food and eating, and wanting to "get big", rather than just whining that he is hungry (then refusing to eat). It's too soon to say if this dramatic change will stick, or if it's all just a coincidence, but I believe I'm on to something and feeling very hopeful.
Of course what has happened with my ds may have completely different causes from your dd, but I thought it might be worth you looking at the food intolerance situation again - just because your dd doesn't get obvious symptoms any more from cow products doesn't necessarily mean there is no intolerance there, (although of course it could mean exactly this) - perhaps you could try a couple of weeks with an alternative product to see? Anyway I wish you all the best with things, good luck, cheers.

If any of you have dcs who are underweight/slim, there is no harm in them eating so-called 'unhealthy snacks'. Crisps, whilst not being particularly nutritious, contain fat and calories.

Many children go through a phase of not wanting to eat mixed foods e.g. pasta with a sauce. The pasta will be contaminated by the sauce in their eyes.

Maybe try putting sauce or a small amount of grated cheese on the side of the plate (not touching the other food) or on a small plate next to it.

This reaction is quite mormal but more extreme in some dcs than others. My ds loves ketchup but it must NOT touch his veg otherwise he wont eat it.

Also evidence suggests that dcs can need to try new food up to 20 times before they actually like it and view it without suspicion. So don't just give them something once, put a small amount on their plate regularly for a while. Eventually, it will seem normal to have it there and for them to try it.

I agree to try to keep mealtimes as stress free as possible. If they view mealtimes as socialble times then they will be more relaxed to try new foods. No-one enjoys meals that are a battle and that would only set up worse feelings and behaviour in your dcs.

I think the aim shoul be to get the requird calories into them initially and then to build on the range of food they will eat.

Does that all make sense?

On the contrary- if you have a child that eats very little in the first place, the last thing you want to do is fill them up with empty calories. If you want her to eat sensible food, you are going to have to remove the high calorie low nutrient crap from her diet (ie choc spread sandwiches and "cereal bars" hidden sugars). Very very few NT toddlers will starve themselves. They may have very strong ideas about what they want to eat, but if you persist in giving them only proper food for long enough they will eventually eat them. It sounds to me as though she is ruling her diet at the moment, which imo is just wrong for a two yr- that way lies the slippery path to convenience and snack food as a standard diet, with the obvious sugar, salt and fat overloads.

Just try not to make a big deal of it. Don't plead with her to eat, and I personally would steer clear of praising her for eating as well. Just make it a matter of fact expectation. Make no comment if she eats nothing, but do not feed her at all outside proper mealtimes, unless it's fruit or her uneaten dinner.

Invite good eaters among her friends and make no comment about them, just let them eat together. I have been where you are with my middle child, and it is hard, but ultimately you have to be in charge of her diet.

Also, I don't know how much exercise your daughter does, but you may want to look at making sure she has a good active run around at least once a day- walk to the park, swimming etc. Her appetite will go up of its own accord with extra exercise.

I don't feed her crap and will never result to that. I don't know why choc sandwiches keep coming up, but I really don't see how a couple of times a week on wholemeal bread is an issue. Also I check all products for sugar content and don't buy regular cereal bars for that reason - she only gets the 100% fruit/oat ones from organix or the health food shop.

She's on the 50th centile for height and weight and is very healthy.

As I've said before, I don't need advice on how to get her to eat healthily, but wanted ideas on ways to increase the amount of healthy foods she does eat as I was concerned her diet wasn't varied enough.

But thank you for your other ideas

I think I will start choosing a new food that I'd like her to eat and give it to her with every meal - see if she will get used to it and start to eat it. That is probably the best way for her - to have it there but seperate from the rest. Perhaps a small piece of broccoli or some peas...

chick I know it is hard with fussy eaters, although I haven't had problems with my own children who were brought around to the idea that no dinner meant no treats from under 1yr old. Due to this they have a) not starved and b) eat most things (although dd2 is a pain through teething atm!)
I have dealt with 2 mindees who had limited diets and the mindees brother (who my mindee was getting all her bad eating habits from.)All the children now eat more varied diets and this is definately because after a week they realised that this is all they had to eat. If you constantly give something else if they leave meals then this just gives them no reason to try new foods and eat meals. If she is on the 50th centile she will definately not starve if for a few days she feels hungry, however, self preservation then kicks in and they eat the food they should eat.
Obviously she gets upset! Its called a tantrum because she isn't getting what she wants! Ignore the tantrum/time out and then back to the table. If she doesn't eat just remove it but don't give something else. In her eyes she sees if I don't want to eat something I tantrum and cry, don't have to eat it and get something else which I prefer! Obviously this behaviour will carry on until you stop it! By consistently not giving in you teach her that if she doesn't eat she goes hungry, much more of an incentive for her to eat family foods.

Even my 10mth old has become wise to the yoghurt better than meal scenario and I am now having to follow my advice to you to stop her going down the same route.

Ok, how am I doing?...

Today I offered dd pear and kiwi as her afternoon snack, neither of which she usually eats. She hadn't touched them for a long time, then saw me eating a slice of kiwi and I said 'look at me, I'm going to beat you!' - she ran off and when I followed she'd gone to her bowl and had picked up a kiwi. She said she'd beat me and took a lick, then a small bite... and then scoffed the whole lot and asked for more!!

For dinner I made her rice pasta (something she'll usually eat) but put new potatoes, meat, carrots (cooked and raw) and broccoli on her plate too. She didn't complain, but also didn't eat any. She ate the pasta quickly and was happy to beat me again and then wanted the pack of smarties that one of my mindees had given her earlier. I said she needed to eat something else and asked her to try one of the other things. She ate a stick of raw carrot but I thought as she sometimes eats this anyway I'd push for something else. She chose cooked carrot and had several TINY bites. This is the first time she's ever bitten one. I couldn't get her to try the other things but she did chop up and feed me the potato. I then let her have the sweets.

And all of that on a day with no nap. She's so tired she's just fallen asleep on me right now!

Good start or still too soft?

sounds great - ideal!

on the smarties front - maybe im just meanie but i tend to whisk things like that away and keep them for days when we are out and she is eating really well. Perhaps ask mindees parent not to give to her for a while? just saves you a bit of grief really

One of the problems I do have is the amount of junk food she sees the other kids eat - they're all given a lot of crisps, chocs, sweets. One child I had tonight had a choc mousse, choc bar, tubes of smarties and bag of crisps as after school snack. Pretty shocking really but I'm not sure if I should say anything to the parents. I've already asked a couple of mums to not put in extra sweets for my dd but tonight the child was being kind and gave away one of her snacks.

chicken- doing well! Impressed by your resolve.

On the smarties front, it is remarkably easy to lower little children's expectations of what constitutes an acceptable (to you) number of sweets. If you only every give her 4 at most, she will be just as chuffed with 4 as an entire packet!

Brilliant. Great start

What's on the menu for tomorrow?

Great start chick Hope it carries on.
On the other kids junk stuff can you tell all mindees that your new rule is everyone has fruit first then their treats. I confiscate lunch boxes and remove until all fruit is eaten. I would send a note out to all parents requesting that no crisps or other junk be put in lunch box and that you will provide afternoon snack. Makes no difference financially because you can claim it as expenses iyswim. Costs next to nothing for some fruit to chop like melon, as 1 does 6 children easily.

Oh and after fruit even a plain digestive biscuit is seen as a treat LOL

My DS had a very limited repetoire of food he'd eat at about 20 months - 2 - breadstix, rice cakes, carrots, apple, pizza, plain pasta and raisins. Basically - he would eat the finger foods that I had given him alongside his 'baby food', but after stopping feeding the mushy food, he would not eat cooked, chopped meals.

After worrying for a few months I decided not to fuss as the bits he liked eating were healthy enough, and continued serving DH and I 'normal foods' whilst DS had his plate of little snacks - with the result that after a while DS decided that the things on our plates looked more interesting than what he had and started trying bits. Now he eats almost anything .

I just wanted to come back on here and update...

I had been putting new foods on my dds plate since I last posted but we weren't really getting anywhere - she wouldn't object to them being there but wouldn't try them either and kicked up a fuss if I asked her to eat any.

I'd been meaning to speak to my HV about it and actually found time to pop in to see her yesterday. They weighed her and she's still right on the 50th centile so no worries about her weight

The HV took some notes (and talked about possibly referring her) and suggested I make a sticker chart with dd, for her to get a sticker each day she tries a new food. I'm also keeping a food diary and going back for her to review this in 2 wks.

I really didn't think a sticker chart would make any difference, but made a bit of a fuss about it and explained to dd what it was for. I'm just doing one sticker a day, for dinner, so it keeps it simple.

Then yesterday I served her the same meal as the little girl I was looking after - chips (which I know she'll eat), Birds Eye Space Shapes and peas/carrots/broccoli. I sat with them while they ate and encouraged both of them, and my dd surprised me by picking up her star shape and nibbling off two points!! She got loads of praise for that, and then went on to eat about 10 peas, one after the other, like she really enjoyed them! I couldn't believe it and was so impressed

Tonight, she got 3 new foods: mashed potato, roast chicken and peas. She tried the mash but wouldn't eat any more, then nibbled some chicken, finished off the few little pieces on her plate, and then asked for and ate a load more! And after a bit of encouragement ate a handful of peas too.

She's yet to finish a whole meal but I'm starting to feel a little bit hopeful about her eating - two days into this sticker chart business and she's tried and/or eaten 4 new things, so it's definitely looking good

It sounds like she's doing really well, good for her.

I guess if you put yourself in her shoes - imagine you had moved to, say, Korea. Everything you get served up is totally different and new, with unusual tastes and textures.

So tiny nibbles are great - it's also very natural. It's an evolutionary sense to try a little bit of food and then wait and see the effect on the body - in cave times, trying new things meant risk and possible poisoning, so it makes sense to keep trying a little bit of things until she knows that it's "safe".

So by introducing new food - and especially if you eat some at the same time, you are reinforcing that it's "safe", yummy and a "normal" thing to eat.

Having a difficult one today - she's eaten a variation of the the same thing for the last few days but I wanted her to try something different so have served cottage pie. I was happy for her to just have one spoonful, or even kiss it, as it's such a new food for her, and she really doesn't seem to like things mixed together like that. She has tried every trick in the book and has just had the biggest tantrum (she's never really had one before and it was so hard to sit through!) She's now fallen asleep but still hasn't tried any of her dinner...

So, do I keep on when she wakes up, try to get her to have the tiny taste I wanted, or should I just say she doesn't get a sticker for today and give her something else? I feel so awful being like this with her, but I can also see how she's got round me in the past and I have maybe given in to her too often.

I really hope I'm doing it the right way, and not making to food to be more of an issue for her.

I really wouldn't take 'the hardline' with a 2 yr old. I'd keep giving her foods you know she will eat most days and try not to make a big deal of it. See how it goes.

Simply in answer to the thread title -

Stop trying.

Since we started the sticker chart she's eaten peas, chicken, rice noodles, roast potato... all things she'd never had before. Maybe I was being too ambitious giving something like cottage pie as she only normally eats very seperate things. But I just thought she was doing so well and could push the type of food a little bit... maybe I'll try some sweetcorn or something, it's probably a lot less scary!

And she's 2 yrs 9 months if that makes any difference?