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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

dd (5) has no friends

8 replies

time4t · 01/03/2009 21:10

My dd has just told us that she doesn't want to go to school tomorrow as she has no friends.

I have been concerned about her for a while especially as last week there was a couple of days when she said she had played with no-one during lunch and break times.

She is in Reception class but last year when she was in nursery at the same school she did not seem to have this problem and made some little friends. Unfortunately, the school's policy is to split up the nursery classes when they move into reception and none of her little friends were put in the same class. She has become isolated from them as they have all moved on and made new friends.

Looking back i realise that since the beginning of the school year she has only been invited to 2 parties (we invited all her classmates to her party back in october).

Part of me feels she is being excluded as am not part of the "mothers' clique" but i am extremely worried about her.

what shall i do?

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TotalChaos · 01/03/2009 21:12

speak to teacher or TA and find out if she is alone a lot at play time and to say she's feeling a bit fragile friendship wise atm, so that they can encourage things a bit. I wouldn't worry too much about the change of friends as friendships are very fluid at this age.

mollymawk · 01/03/2009 21:19

Definitely talk to the teacher - they should be noticing what is going on socially as well as "academically".

Hopefully they will be able to help.

I would be pretty confident that this is not about whether or not you are in the "mothers' clique".

hifi · 01/03/2009 22:00

do you do playdates at your house? this helps, dont worry if you arnt in the clique.i would ask the teacher if she has any contact with anyone then ask that child to tea and play.

there are a couple of painfully shy mums in dds reception, i have asked one of their dds around twice but she still rarely speaks or encourages their friendship even though they play together every day.

unpaidworker · 01/03/2009 22:04

I am sorry that your DD (and you) are going through this. Defintley talk to the teacher, they can ask someone to 'look after' your DD at breaks ie another child who they think might be a suitable match.

My DC often said that hse had no one to play with in reception, I was very worried and encouraged her to ask other children to play. By year one it had sorted itself out and she now has lots of frineds.

piscesmoon · 01/03/2009 22:06

I wouldn't worry about the parties-I never had whole class parties-regardless of what others did. I would also think it nothing to do with a mother's clique. Talk to the teacher and also invite a child home that DD would like to be friends with.

saadia · 01/03/2009 22:10

We have a similar issue with ds2 (nearly five and in Reception). At Parents' Evening the teacher said he didn't really play with anyone and there was no-one on his wavelength - all the other kids are quite boisterous and ds2 would rather sit and chat.

There is one boy he adores/reveres but the teacher said not to encourage that friedship - I can see why ds2 likes this boy as he seems fun but I have also seen him being violent and ds2 copying him so I think the teacher is right.

Ds2 takes a teddy to school every day and whenever I ask him what he played it is always games with teddy.

I was also very concerned but I do think that sometimes it takes a while for children to settle. You may find that as the class gels and everyone becomes more familiar she will start playing more with children. But do speak to the teacher as you may find that things are not as bad as you think.

motherlovebone · 01/03/2009 22:24

just wanted to say i think this is normalish. i can think of 3 /4 others and my DD who have been through/said the same. i think the class splitting works better for some than others. my DD is only just settling really and they will be breaking up soon! still have tears some mornings. i think we are more worried by it than them, not to minimise the prob but we look on it in an adult way. maybe there is nobody she likes or games she wants to join rather than the other way round. try not to worry

SusieHughsie · 01/03/2009 22:34

My DD went through exactly the same thing last year and I am pleased to say things have improved. It's really important to speak to her teacher and let them know that she is struggling socially and making her reluctant to go to school. They maybe able to suggest some classmates that she is closer too and then maybe arrange some playdates.

Dont worry too much about not being in the mothers clique, dont think it has too much bearing on how the children behave in the playground.

It really is horrible to watch your DD being upset and feeling lonely, hope it gets better soon x

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