I don't want you I want Mummy

[luckywinner]

Oh god someone help as this driving me and dh crazy. My ds, who is nearly 4, has always 'chosen' me over dh. But it is getting to be a real problem. My dh now cannot do a thing, even help him brush his teeth, without him being shouted at by ds that he doesn't want him he wants mummy to do it. If he ever has to go into his room in the night he is met by a complete tantrum, which really is the ultimate insult when you've been hauled out of bed at 3am.

Dh was trying to give me a bit of a break this weekend by taking them swimming this morning but it was met with such resistance that we all went.

Dh works v long hours so really only sees them for an hour a day in the morning and so I am wondering whether this may be having an impact on the situation.

My poor dh, who is a brilliant father and does absolutely loads with the dc when he doesn't have to work is starting to get really down about this. I just don't know the best way to handle it. I have tried reprimanding ds but it does not seem to have any impact. I always make a point of standing with dh when I am talking about this to ds to make sure he knows I am backing up dh all the way but that has no effect either.

Dd who is 18 months younger is now picking up on this behaviour and starting to say the same thing. It's hideous.

Anyone got any tips as this weekend has been completely shit for dh.

Have you tried going away for the weekend without them? Or just even leaving them all for a few hours? Sounds extreme, but if the choice is lunch from Daddy or no lunch at all... Maybe just not physically being there all the time for a few weekends will get them less stroppy?

I think up to the age of three, DC's prefer their mums, between 3&7, they want mums and dads equally, and from 7 plus boys prefer thier dads. Maybe your DS is a bit later than the average child, but will come roundto your DH as he gets older?

Its a good idea, and also a perfect excuse for a weekend away . Sometimes I hide in the bathroom so I don't hear the noise and also so they have no choice!

I am thinking that maybe a tougher approach may be the answer but I am not really sure about how to implement it iyswim.

You could be really mean and horrible - then they might like dad better.

My DC's like DH becuase he is weak and will give into anything, buy them sweets, let them stay up late, only feeds them thier favourite foods. I don't recomend it, but the boys think he's ace. Luckily 3yo DD still prefers me.

Ooh I like that line of approach. Their idea of heaven would be non-stop CBeebies, iced buns and tea in the sitting room on their laps .

Dh can be a bit of a nagger, especially at mealtime, and I am a bit more laid back, so I think they probably do get it a bit easier with me.

Seriously though its getting to be such a pain in the arse. However, I know I will be sad when the day comes when ds prefers dh to me.

One day they will have their own club - only males allowed - and you will be

Luckily you have a DD to go shopping with.

DS is considerably younger (2.8) but we have a similar problem, although it's me that's the "bad" party when daddy is available. We've had quite a lot of success with the following strategy:

"I want daddy"
Daddy then intervenes and says "that is mean to mummy, that makes daddy sad, daddy is going to give mummy a hug"
Daddy gives mummy a hug

If it continues, DH says "I'm going to walk away because you are being mean to mummy, and mummy is only trying to help"
Cue DH walks away.

Basically DH puts attention on me if DS is being mean... Now he rarely says it, in fact, sometimes you can see him sort of thinking it and then he says "I want, I want, I want, I want... I want Mummy!" - so it seems to be sinking in even if DH will always be his favourite in his heart

That thought is like a knife through my heart [dramatic emoticon].

I can't bear the idea that there will be a day that my ds won't want to cuddle up to me and tell me he's going to marry me. Isn't it horrid to think our darling little boys are going to turn into hairy smelly teenagers.

yuck yuck, perhaps I should rethink my tactics, perhaps it is just ds wanting his mummy and there is nothing I can do to stop it .

Sorry Weegle, x-posts.

I think that is a really good idea. I was thinking that maybe I need to back up dh in a lot more obvious way. I think I will show dh your post and start talking tactics.