6 month old wont be put down please help

[mumtobp]

I had a very traumatic first 3 weeks with my son when he was born, and since coming home until now he has needed to be held constantly, I've got to this point where I'm now thinking that all this handling is affecting his develpoment, as he won't pick things up or bring them to his mouth by himself, he always has to have someone there to initiate the play time.
I admit when he cried I always picked him up. and when hes been crying I try my hardest to sooth him. but I feel like I have to draw a line now, as he is turning 6 months old tomorrow and both me and my DH have had enough.
he is sleeping in my bed still which I don't mind, at the moment, if I can get this problem sorted then the cot will follow.
will CC work with this problem?

you may have to try gradually withdrawing the holding. A child I cm for is like this and at 18mths is still tiny (3-6 mths clothes) so is easily carried however it is also hard for a child to develop social skills etc whilst being held

could you try:

cuddling him whilst still on the floor
gradually introducing the idea of floor play 1 minute rewarded with a cuddle then
3 minutes rewarded with a cuddle then
5 minutes rewarded with a cuddle then gradually extend the time

it is really hard to hear your child cry but if you limit it to small periods to start you will find you get stronger as long as all their needs have been met (clean nappy, fed, drinks) then it will not harm them at all

I fell into this with ds2 as he was really ill when born so got more attention and mollycuddling was hard to break cycle but best thing I ever did.

has your local toylibrary or a friend got a swing you could borrow as these are great for soothing also the toys along these lines are great for babies who want to be uprightwww.mothercare.com/gp/product/B000M4XMKY/sr=1-13/qid=1235912066/ref=sr_1_13/275-9247698-2786747?ie=U TF8&m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&n=42874041&mcb=core

Hi mumtobp.
DCs can get into habits very quickly and maybe your ds now expects to be picked up as that is how it has always been.

Maybe try ignoring his crys for a while before going to him and then extend the length of time before you go to him gradually. You will be surprised how quickly you can turn this around. He will soon learn that you cannot always go to him immediately. How will you get anything done?!

Do you have any other dcs?

I never really let my dc's sleep in my bed unless they were sick and those nights were very few and far between. When you decide to move DS into his own cot/room you may have to try CC and again do it on a gradual basis. It worked for us. We would go in striaght away when ds cried the first time and give him a hug. Then the 2nd time we would go in, have a quick hug and say "go to sleep" and leave. Then the next time we would go in, very quick pick up, no eye contact or talking and put down and leave. It worked within a few nights. They just have to learn that you are there if they need you but not alwyas straightaway.

Good Luck.

I carried mine around almost all the time. I would put them down for a few minutes to give my arm a rest, get something done, try to get them interested in something.
But if they were crying then I usually picked them up and carried them around (gave my ears a rest). I carried some around past 12m of age.
I would like to reassure you that despit all this their development wasn't adversely affected at all.
Sometimes they just need to be near you. Sometimes they want to be involved with whatever you are doing. Sometimes they can see more of the world while they are being carried around.
Perhaps try a sling? Or just develop big arm muscles like I did
I really wouldn't worry that it will hold back his development in any way. And remember he will grow out of it

Hi mumtobp
I can second what Juuule has said. I carried my DS for most of his first year. I did try to put him down but at times he was like a monkey clinging to my neck. He was (still is!) a HN baby and I think part of the clinginess was frustration at his lack of independence and wanting to do things with me. Sitting on the floor by himself meant he couldn't see what I was doing.

I thought he would never learn to sit by himself but he did - at 6 months. Then I thought he would never crawl. He didn't and still doesn't but got up and walked 2 weeks before his 1st birthday.

Now he is nearly 14 months and is getting more and more independent by the day. I don't believe this is because I'm carrying him less, I just think it is because he is able to do things more for himself now and enjoys it. In my experience, carrying and picking up a lot does not equal a lack of social skills and does not make them more clingy. My DS couldn't be more sociable and does not require picking up all the time anymore. It is very very hard but it does pass, even if it does take a year like it did in my case.

ds was carried everywhere until he was able to crawl - about 9 months, I think. He hated being put down, never went in a bouncy chair or a swing. I had a variety of slings, or just propped him on my hip. I don't pretend it was fun - sometimes I was just desperate to make a cup of tea or read the paper with both hands - but we got through it and now at 20 months he's a very happy and secure little boy who is actually far more independent than dd was at the same age (or is now, for that matter). So I'm glad I stuck with it. Don't think it affected his development at all.

I think the idea that babies get used to being carried and become too dependant is rubbish. They are supposed to be dependant at this age! The more you fulfill his needs to be held and touched and close to you, the stronger the foundation and he will grow into a confident, independant toddler, as he feels safe in the world. His development is best served by being close to you so he can watch and learn. I think it is harmful to leave babies to cry, as you are not responding to what they are trying to tell you and teaching them that no one is there for them.

The idea on this link might or might not be the way you want to go, but it may reassure you, along the lines of what Rainbear said, that you aren't adversely affecting his development (and perhaps, you are even aiding his developement!).

I got a cool suggestion from a HV the other day.... get DC situated on the floor and have a seat nearby. And then (brace yourself) read the paper. So often we use their independent play time to busy about getting things done. This way they are secure because they know we are nearby and not going anywhere, and they have the added advantage of learning that it is normal for mummy to have time to relax.

Re: room-sharing, one funny thing that happened with us... DD was in our room in a cot until she was 6 months. She slept much better when we moved her into her own room... I think our snoring woke her!

Good luck to you mumtobp!

i agree with juuulie & babyisaac, it's hard work though! i carried my ds around everywhere for the first 9.5 months til he got crawling and finally discovered that being on the floor for 5 minutes wasn't the end of the world! I couldn't even sit down with him, he needed constant movement so i had to keep walking around with him, he wouldn't go in a pushchair even so i found a kari-me sling really helped. i really don't think youare inhibbiting his decelop,emt. My ds is still very demanding and sensitive now so often needs reassurrance and lots of mummy time (19 months), as soon as i start to cook or do anything then he needs to be in my arms!!!! but he is very clever (i may be biased with that opinion though!) , very active and inquisitive, certainly not developmentally delayed. all babies are different and some more clingy or high needs than others. i'd ride it out if at all possible as i found that the one time my health visitor told me to leave him to cry (around 6 months) he became inconsolable so quickly, i was a wreck and it took me an hour to fully calm him down and days to resettle him and rebuild the trust.

I carried DD round constantly until she could crawl and she slept in my bed almost all the time too. Once she was mobile she would spend small amounts of time on the floor. Now she's nearly 19 months and running around everywhere, she barely wants anything to do with me! She also sleeps most nights in her cot, unless ill or teething. He will get there in no time so I really wouldn't stress. A sling would probably be useful so you can have your hands free. I really wouldn't worry about it at all. It's good for them to be held when they need it, it makes them feel secure which will serve well in the future.

My DS was exactly the same at that age- I have fabulous arm muscles now! I don't know about you but I found that listening to the crying was far more stressful than just picking him up. Once I got into the mindset of going with the flow, everything got so much easier. Gradually as they start to crawl and become mobile it really gets so much easier. Now at 1, unless he is poorly or teething, he is happy to play a fair amount on his own (or shock horror watch CBeebies) while I get on with things.

The thing that really saves your sanity is a good nap routine in the day- what are your LO's naps like?

Also, I found getting out and about, baby groups etc took the intensity away. Do you have much help?

Hi Mumtobp.
As you can see from reading all of the posts quite a lot of people have stuck with the carrying,holding etc until their little one has felt ready to move on. It is a personal choice tbh and I don't think it will affect ds's development. Do what you feel is right for you and your baby.
I never really had to hold my babies for too long and they were very happt to play away on the floor by themselves or sit in a chair etc. I was very lucky vecuase I would n ever have been able to have coped with holding them all the time as I suffer from a bad back. I hope your back is ok
Also - if you have other children that need your time and attnetion it can be very difficult to give them one on one when baby is in your arms all the time.Good Luck.

you obviously have reached the end of the line with the carrying, hats off to those whose children relinquished it but i cant wait that long!
my DS is coming up 4m and today is our first day using baby whispering techniques.
its working!
BW says, when you put them down and they cry pick them back up til they settle then put them down again. ive just laid him down for a 2 hour sleep (BW says you need 2x2hrs) it took 30 mins of up and down but hes sleeping now.
im able to sit on my arse catch up with chores. so far so good