What DO 9 year old girls want??

[Pan]

I ask this as dd is 9 years old now (my, she was a mere speck yesterday!), and whilst I am doing what I think is a jolly good job as a daddy to her, Idon't wish to become easy about it and miss lots of tricks that could make her life better?
She is bright, very sensitive (hurt feelings) and VERY moral....my friends all have adult children now, and now have burnt their memories cant remember really what are the crucial bits of child care at her age......so I ask the best google site in the west!
Any offerings and pointers??

Just start preparing for the hormones.....

Seriously my DD is just 11 and around 9 was when she started to be a bit PMTy. She hasn't stared her periods yet, but I've been keeping a note of when she is even more tearful or angry, and they are in a definate 4 weekly pattern.

same as coco..... 11 year old dd here

Ah..I suspect that dd's periods are some way off...physical development and all.

No, it's other pointers about her poss needs at 9. We live seperatly (though 10 mins away) and all we do together is great so far, but I am keen to know of other 'requirements' of me, as it were. I guess yes though in preparation of the hormones as well - but just, what did other MNers hope from their dads at this age? Do I get 'funky'?, give her space, become forthright etc? that sort of thing??

Pan

right....I think you need to be prepared for mindreading ....loads o patience.....irrational tears and anger.....

I remember wanting my dad to know what i wanted without even having to ask...that is the mind reader bit

I woud cry at the drop of a hat.....hormones

and get very angry when he didnt do the mind reading thing.....again hormones

i never meant in single bit of any of these emotions and he never ever took it to heart and that is what made him soooooo special

he would back off and wait with open arms for me to calm down and listen endlessly to my theories and ideas and philosophies with that enigmatic smile which i now come to realise that he had "glazed over" some time ago

BUT my boundaries were soooo clear and there was never ever any need for confrontation, there were no grey areas and he was loud and clear hen I had over stepped the mark....

one single bit ...i type too quickly

My dd is 9, 10 in August, and in Year 5.

Relationships seem to be moving on. Between the girls in dd's class they are more churned up. Lots are talking of boyfriends/girlfriends; one or two girls are being quite flirtatious (one has been flashing her knickers and boobs at the boys).

We have recently had the explicit sex talk (mum, exactly how does the sperm get to the egg?) so she now knows all, including periods etc though her own puberty is, I think/hope, some way off still. She was a little worried about puberty, but is happier now as I have said all her school friends will be experiencing it too, and that some may already be.

DD is thinking more seriously about her future too. She is more interested in which/what kind of school she wants to go to after primary.

She is concerned about her appearance and is more interested in fashion, though prefers to make her own style at the moment.

She is pushing for more independence, but is happy that we still limit the amount we give her.

She answers back and is much cheekier (ruder, really) than she has ever been, and we deal with that swiftly and sharply, but will make friends again very quickly. She needs time to cry about things in a safe place - usually well cuddled.

All of this is a continuation of a process which was noticeable last year but has stepped up a level this year.

Is that any help?

that's the sort of thing stoppin! I am a bit unsure about the next step. I think I have the patience and understanding of a minor saint re dd, and WILL do all of that ( incl. the glazed over bit prob.). I don't mind tears - they are a relief for the tearer, as it were..thank you.

jux - yes it is of help. I think thst dd is such an innocent and will find all of the things you describe for your dd as a real challenge. She is very strong willed, but will keep her own emotions in check, which is something I would rather she didn't do.
I want to prepared for the tears and tantrums and off-ness. You give some indication as to what will be coming down the road....

DD's not hugely into it herself yet, but comes home and tells me about what the others are doing. She tried a boyfriend but he sent some other kid to tell her it was over, so we decided he was a wimp and very rude. When he asked her to be his girlfriend again she said "Eat my shorts" - something she's been desperately waiting for an excuse to say! Perhaps I should have discouraged her from using that phrase, but actually I was really proud. I thought the lad deserved it tbh. We had a chat about self-respect, and respect of others too.

She is a naturally academic child, which is not really something the school seem to be capable of catering to and a lot of the other kids are calling her weird, to which she is more sensitive than she was. This is why she's thinking more about what she wants out of the next school.

She is also more critical of her teachers. She is more aware of where they fall down. Her current teacher is new to the profession and I think he might be finding it hard to cope. He is certainly not living up to dd's expectations! She started reading The Hogfather at the weekend, and told her teacher about it today. He said "I've never heard of Terry Pratchett" and closed the conversation, which I thought was a bit of a lost opportunity. DD was unimpressed. This is the first time she has seen a teacher as less than god, really.

yes dd idolises her teachers still, and wouldn't broach any criticism of them. She knows what boyfriends are though at the mo shows a bit of distain for them.
I am guessing I just need to continue showing a sort of 'tempered' interest in her things, but being there if she wants to talk??

Not hearing of Terry Pratchett? Is he a real teacher????

Pan, be prepared for her not to want anything from you. She may not want to share her feelings/ experiences with you. At that age, all I needed of my dad was that he was there, and he was normal.

I think it's hard for us as parents ( I also have dd aged 9) to be prepared to fade into the background of our childrens' lives. But that was very much how I saw my parents at that age.

They were stable, always around and gave me a warm and safe home environment.

hmm dyread...I am sure you are right. As Isaid, my theory was to remain 'there' but not interfering....to give her an understanding that though her world outside of me could be difficult at times, Iam always there to make her feel easy and special.

My DD is 9yrs too.

One thing I see more and more is that she still needs to be a little kid sometimes but needs her attempts to be grown up respected aswell. I let her vear wildly between the two and try my best not to bat an eyelid.

Agree at 9yrs they can be very moral and like to tell you off if they think you are doing something wrong, so be waned

I try to help her develop her interests like dancing, drama and brownies but I also try to have chill out time like PJ days.

I think the fact you are even considering all this means you will be fine and a good dad.

yes, she does her street dance every week, and does inform me if she thinks standards are slipping!! But she done that since she could talk! And she is also a brownie.

I see all of the possibilities that you all say. I just didn't want to wander into the next few years blindly, and wanted a bit of advice to re-inforce my own thoughts on it all. Thank you v. much.

You sound like a fantastic dad, Pan. Have fun with your dd.

thank you jux! I am oddly looking foward in a way to the 'difficult years'...to see how we get through them as well as possible. ta.

...lol say to "explain to me what it is to be a 9yo girl because Ive only ever been a 9yo boy and well they are just nerds "

and "im only a dad so i really need your help to understand how you are feeling and what you are tihnking, do you think you can help me??, it makes me really sad like im not doing a good job and I wnat to do the best i can"

My dad would say stuff like that to me and I loved telling him how it really was...i mean at the time he was an adult, what could he possible know about how hard it was being 9

Oh, and invest in a baseball bat for those boyfriends ....

I have already priced up the electric staplers and cattle prods....