Advice on coping with second baby

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just wondered if someone could share their experiences/coping stategies.
ds1 was an angel baby. from 6 weeks followed gina to the letter and at 21 mo sleeps 7-7 with a lunctime nap.
ds2 at 10 weeks is all over the place. he was 3 weeks early and jaundice so fed on demand for 3 weeks. from 6 weeks he has been ff (this is when ds1 settled into a routine) but it seems to have made no difference to creating a routine.
today he has slept all day despite being at the park and gymborie in baby carrier. other days he has been awake for most of it. at night he rarely goes more than 3 hours without waking for a feed. some nights he wakes every 2 hours.
i am not complaining as he is a good baby, a good size and usualy goes back to sleep after a feed. i just wanted to know have other second time mothers been stricter at putting no 2 into a routine? how on earth do you go about doing it? life seems to revolve around no 1 (who i add is having at least 3 tantrums a day and fairly hard work!). when i was pregnant i spent the whole time worrying how ds1 would have his life ruined as i was selfishly bringing a baby into it (crazy i know!) but it is completely the other way round and ds2 barely gets a look in.
i am just concerned that if i don't put something in place for ds2 i am creating a rod for my own back and that we will have problems in time to come. also feel guilty that i spent some much time on ds1 and don't get the opportunity to for ds2.
sorry a bit waffly but any advice/stories to share would be greatly appreciated.

Hello,
In my experience, some babies do routine; others don't. We had a brilliant routine with dd (now 4) - 12 hours sleep at night, great naps etc. Had to re-think it all with ds (14 months), as he has been much more 'challenging' sleep wise.

I found with my second that at some point I had to give up the idea of a routine, as whatever ds was doing, dd still had to be taken to nursery or pre-school or whatever. He has turned into a pretty amenable boy, and he is happy to go along with this; I also have found I enjoy the fact that we're not tied to strict routines like we were with my dd (always at home for a lunchtime nap practically every day for 2 years!)so perhaps not having a fixed routine has its benefits.

I think 10 weeks is quite early for routines - with both of my dc things were still completely all over the place at this stage.
best of luck

I think it is easier to develop a routine for first children as you can plan your day around their schedule. With subsequent children they have to fit it with older kids activities. Yes you feel guilty for not spending so much 1 on 1 time with the younger children but whilst the older siblings 'steal' your attention they also provide a lot of attention for the new arrival. At 10 weeks your little one might still be a little young to appreciate it but my ds2 (6 months) grins like a loon at ds1 (3.8) and dd (2.4) when they do little dances for him, bring him toys, tickle his tummy, etc.

I agree with the others - I stressed a bit about this to begin with, but there's something rather liberating about the knowledge that there is no point in trying to organise your lo's naps really. So far (19 weeks in) mine seems just fine on the chaotic assumption that she will sleep if she needs to wherever she is.

And like MuddlingThru, she is hugely impressed by her older sister.

She wakes up far too often in the night for my liking, but then so did her sister and I am not going to worry about it. I don't really know why she's waking so much but she will sort it out eventually.

And in the meantime I am enjoying her being so small and snuggly, even in the middle of the night.

Agree with the others - much harder trying to get a routine going for a second child as there is so much fitting in to be done. Just go with it and enjoy the knowledge that DS2 will be far more chilled than DS1 because they have had to 'fit in' (and be left to cry at times) with the existing set-up rather than have most things structured around them. This is certainly the case with mine (3.7 and 15 mths).

And just like Muddling and Aranea, the joy of watching them interact with and be hugely entertained by older siblings is immense ...

I found with my second I had the more relaxed approach that she had to fit in. But I subsequently found she was all over the place and after about 4 months decided to get a bit more methodical about what I was doing, although not quite making her the GF baby my first baby was. This helped a great deal and I realised, with hindsight, if I had paid a bit more attention earlier on I probably would have got her a bit more settled earlier. This would have made life infinitelty easier! Number 3 was a dream baby - easy going and sleeping through from 9 weeks old, and I am now due number 4 and with one school run to do and another to fit in at another school in September, I think I will have to be organised but pragmatic as Loopymumsy says. After all, GF is right in that babies need a certain amount of milk/feeds and sleep every day, but I will have to try and fit it in around our daily school routine. Those first babies are so easy in hindsight as you can be completely devoted to their needs!

I too was a Gina disciple with number one - unfortunately her routine makes no alllowance for anyone or anything else - certainly not a demanding toddler. I echo those who advise you to build ds2's routine around whatever ds1 is doing. I made the decision to do this from day one - and what you describe - life revolving around ds1 with ds2 barely getting a look in - is exactly what happened. In fact the end result was a very contented baby. I worked on the assumption that ds didn't know any better when dd came first - he very quickly learned to wait, would nod off while having a grizzle as I attended to his older sister's bedtime routine in the evening. I think what the second one misses out on in attention from mum is more than made up for by the benefits of having an older sibling. I actually started to feel quite sorry that my daughter had been denied this advantage (iyswim).

I found ds 2 was in a routine whether we liked it or not! Ds 1 started nursery (in reception now) and as a conequence ds 2 had to eat at a certain time as we had the school run too school. He then had to nap at a certain time in order to eat at a certain time in order to nap and get up for the pick up school run!

I do feel sorry for ds 2 as I often have to wake him from his second nap to go and pick ds 1 up.

I am prgt with ds 3 and he will have to follow the same routine!

The only probelm we have is at the weekend ds 2 wants to nap at his regular times as we are definitely in a fixed routine that he doesn't like to mess with.

thank you so much for all the posts. great to know i am not alone.
ds1 demanding lorries (google images) so only scan read but will sit and read properly later.

had time to read properly now and thanks again for all the advice and no abuse re gina! i am off her anyway as her advice re second child is useless! i am also now one of those annoying second time mums who says to first time mums can't think what i did with my time first time round. however i do advise them to shop and have long lunches while they can.....
i know i need to just let the routine thing go and let ds2 do his own thing. as i said he is a very happy baby but i suppose i feel a routine may make him sleep longer at night because it did for ds1, and actually it might not. ah the trap of presuming no2 will be just like no1...
dh also away ALOT with work which doesn't help but i do have great family.
however agree with comments about appreciating dc2 more. he is sooo cute i just cuddle him anyway. ds1 never came in our bed and ds2 in every night.