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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

So, how do you handle it when your dc goes to the same playgroup as a horrible little bully?

41 replies

nickytwotimes · 27/02/2009 17:02

...especially when his Mum seems to think he can do no wrong?

Am in case you couldn't tell!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

motherlovebone · 27/02/2009 17:26

but as ICANDOTHAT proves, there will always be those who think its acceptable.

Original poster

Nickytwotimes · 27/02/2009 20:16

Hmm, not sure how they are meant to learn and mature without adult intervention, ICAN.

Announcing it loudly will work well when I am there, but when another Mum is on duty, difficult.

Perhaps having a word with the other Mums who help out might help.

Many thanks fo rthe input.

OP posts:

ICANDOTHAT · 28/02/2009 15:46

cornsilk - the OP was referring to school gate politics, as I was - teacher's tend not to 'intervene' here - as we all know, mum's are a law unto themselves

moherlovebone- never said it was acceptable, just a 2.6
yo little boy - as a few others have commented on

nickytwotimes - yes, they do need adult intervention to help them learn, absolutely, but little boys are generally more immature, more boisterous and more physical and sometimes this manifests into aggression - unless he has special needs, he should grow out of it, I'm sure. At the end of the day, your little one has to be happy where they are. If you do not think they are and things will not change, you could move them to another nursery - but I can guarantee, there will be another 'bully' there too. It may not sound like it, but I do sympathise. I have been through primary/senior school system twice and there have been incredibly stressful and worrying times. I have learnt, the hard way, to keep an open mind and not let anything blow up out of proportion as it's a moment in their very long lives.

ps Have also removed my child from their school due to undesirable circumstances . Good luck!

TakeAChairPullUpAGlass · 28/02/2009 17:17

I used to fucking take my kid to a fucking nursery where there was this kid that would push my kid against the wall and whacked him with a bat and i told the teacher and she said I could always choose another fucking nursery

ICANDOTHAT · 28/02/2009 17:23

Charming ! .... particularly like the ref to your 'F*ing kid'

hippipotamiHasLostFourPounds · 28/02/2009 17:25

Nice language TakeAChair

TakeAChairPullUpAGlass · 28/02/2009 17:45

OMG I'm reporting you.

ICANDOTHAT · 28/02/2009 18:46

We won't have to ....

cocolepew · 28/02/2009 18:50

I think Chair is our old 'friend' in a bnew guise.....

Original poster

Nickytwotimes · 28/02/2009 18:54

God, yes, ICAN, I dread the years of school. I know mine were horrendous except for the last 2 when all the bullies had left! And yes, I do appreciate that this kid will probably grow out of this behavior. To be fair to his family, they do seem to grow into pleasant adults. Still I am not happy that the behavior has gone unchecked, so I think we will do something else on our Wednesday afternoons.

Not really sure what was going on with Pullupachair, but...

OP posts:

Podrick · 28/02/2009 18:55

Is this environment physically safe for your child?

If not then don't leave him there.

Original poster

Nickytwotimes · 28/02/2009 18:56

Podrick, yep, that pretty much sums it up. I do not feel it is a safe environment.

Thanks everyone btw.

OP posts:

iwontbite · 28/02/2009 19:01

I would intervene if it were me

if I saw my child repeatedly being hit by someone else I would:
1.)take steps to minimise contactbetween them
2.) if it happened say "no hitting" in a stern voice to the little boy and remove my child, probably giving mother a stern look as well

if that failed then I would talk to the mother about it

yes, they're young, and yes small children do hit, and yes some boys are a bit more immature... but it is NOT acceptable for the mother to sit there and do bugger all when her child is hitting others,

Podrick · 28/02/2009 19:02

I have had this with boys in dd's school class and it is an awful feeling - also it feels unjust that your child should be the one who is effectively excluded....however I think the only answer is to stay with your son, watch over him like a hawk and intervene yourself if another child is physically aggressive to him.

purpleduck · 28/02/2009 19:07

I would help out, and see what goes on

risingstar · 01/03/2009 00:10

I think I would take a slightly different slant on this.

I would say that young one has come home very upset/marked/bruised as he has been struck/pushed/shouted at by an unknown child .Poor little thing so traumatised, he won't say who it is. What can they do to help? Please could they keep a special eye on him, see who he plays with, see if they could possibly work out what the problem is, using their expertise with young children etc etc.

Did this with DD2, worked a treat. They know (probably) what is going on. It kind of gives them a final warning and, if nothing else they will make sure that they keep the bully away from your kid.

By the way, if he ever comes home with marks on him, ask to see where the "accident" was recorded in their incident book. Soon sharpens up a few minds too!

Good luck, i would echo what others say, try to avoid taking him out altogher. He may well go to the same school as this child/other similar kids and it might just send the wrong message. However, could you reduce the number of days for a while?

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