sibling rivalry

[isittooearlyforgin]

have a dd, 4.5 yrs and ds,2. both are gorgeous individually but together they drive me insane! is this normal? they adore each other and start physical play which always turns into wrestling, hair pulling, squeezing etc At what point do you stop this? don't want to stop them from touching each other but i literally cannot leave the room for one minute without screaming. any tips or advice? am definatley not the parent i thought i would be - thought i had boundless patience but i was wrong!

IMO you just have to let them get on with it unless someone is about to get seriously hurt or someone isn't enjoying the rough play anymore.

that's jsut it! it always ends in tears and progresses from rough play to death and destruction. now ds is old enough to avoid instant anniliation might consider gladiatorial battle/survival of the fitest - at least while i have a wee!

Are you able to tell one of them isn't happy with the way it is going before one of them ends up crying. If so break it up then.

it's kind of instant, as soon as they get intangled. sorry to sound negative but have tried all sorts - used to set up activities for my dd in her room or a video when she came back from nursery to keep them separate but now ds just wants to be with her.

Can you not put a gate on either or both of their room's so they can't annoy eachother?

I've just read 'Siblings Without Rivalry' and found it very helpful. I've got DS2.3 and DD7months. I've already used a few of the tips to try to stop DS grabbing everything from DD and yelling 'BAH!' in her face!
It's full of suggestions so I won't bore you now.
The authors (Faber and Mazlish) also wrote 'How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk' and I'd recommend reading that too.
Good luck!

My two DDs (just 2 and just 4) are quite similar. They adore each other too and at times are so sweet together and play so nicely that it makes me almost burst with happiness.

Other times we go down the wrestling / fighting / screaming route. Nice play can turn into fighting in a matter of seconds with no warning at all. Things that I find help are a complete lack of interest in who may have done what to whom (I mean unless it is obviously something really bad). If they start screaming and fighting I tell them they will have to go straight up to bed for time out and a rest and ignore the she pushed me / hit me squashed me / took my toy etc etc. I have often done it too - plonked them both on their beds amist much fury and left them to cool off a while, so they know it's not an empty threat. If there is a big fight over a toy I take it away from them both, explaining that if they can't play with it nicely together or take in turns then neither can have it (cue much shouting at me from both girls, then generally them playing nicely together again united in their anger at my unfairness!!) This works well as a threat when things are beginning to kick off too - i.e. 'if I hear anymore fighting I'll take it away from you both' usually does the trick as they know I will. This may sound harsh but it has really helped with my girls.

tooearlyforgin, are you me??? I posted a couple of days ago about my dd's fighting and not getting one, some of the replies I got were really good, maybe we should meet up lol.

this page

My nuggets of wisdom, for what they are worth:

1. I do my DD's hair in French plaits, so there is less hair to pull.

1. I make my DC apologise to each other, kiss & hug after any incident, regardless of whether they actually feel it - I am convinced that the message will eventually filter through.

1. I try my best to give each one some special time - e.g. reading a story, so they don't always feel they need to compete.

thank you all for your advice! really nice to know there are other's out there in same situation and am not alone! sometimes it seems as if everyone else has these perfectly behaved children and I'm only one whose a harrassed mess of a woman. Singywife - read your thread and completely see my kids behaviour in what you say!
Particulary like your suggestions TheYearOfTheCat!, especially the tying hair back!! Nellytheelephant - must try to chill out more and realise can't control every shreik. Will get that book Shylily - am currently reading Parenting the Strongwilled Child so is very next on my list.
ds is a bit of a biter (only to his sister)and though this is dreadful, it is his only defence when sister has him in half nelson. He has just had gromits put in. His speech is quite delayed and hoping he'll soon develop some language so they can communicate and they can talk it out. Hoping this isn't a pipe dream?! Sometimes when at end of tether I do put them both in own rooms but feel ds who is only just 2 doesn't really know why he's there - but when i've really had enough its sort of time out for me too! is that bad?

IITEFG - Perhaps rather than sending them to their room when one is being victimised by the other say to them would you like some quiet time in your room away from your brother/sister? That way they won't feel like they are being sent there as a punishment more so if they feel they need some space on their own they can go there. Perhaps in time they will learn to take themselves off there before it gets too out of hand?

Read Sibling Without Rivalry by the How to Talk people. Am 1/2 way through it and it's brilliant. They say totally ignore all bickering and only intervene if there is danger or ongoing unresolved issues. Your aim should be to help facilitate them find their own solutions rather than you sorting everything out according to book. My dc's are little so haven't had chance to apply ideas yet but it makes such sense to me.

oops just seen someone else has already recommended it - must read whole threads