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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I need help right now

27 replies

Nabster · 26/02/2009 15:57

3 year old son has been sent to the step for lying. He is refusing to stay there and is throwing things. Whatever he throws I take away, nothing left now, and I keep putting him back on the step. Carry on until he stays?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

fryalot · 26/02/2009 15:59

yes.

If you need to, sit behind him and hug him to you for the time of his punishment.

Flyonthewindscreen · 26/02/2009 15:59

Yes! Be strong

Original poster

Nabster · 26/02/2009 16:05

Trying to do tea but will go to him in a second. Thow he is staying still at the moment.

OP posts:

Flyonthewindscreen · 26/02/2009 16:11

Good luck - its really tough but imo no point doing the whole naughty step thing unless you follow though with it...

Original poster

Nabster · 26/02/2009 16:21

Right. Don't know if I did that right or not.

I had to sit holding him on my knee. He wouldn't say sorry so we had 3 lots of 3 minutes before he finally did.

I am shaky and a bit shell shocked actually as I didn't give in and he did apologise

He is hot and read faced and has gone to sit down.

Thank you.

OP posts:

Flyonthewindscreen · 26/02/2009 16:26

Well done

Original poster

Nabster · 26/02/2009 16:29

Just ate 4 squares of chocolate. Purely medicinal to calm me down.

OP posts:

LolaLadybird · 26/02/2009 16:42

Well done at stopping at 4 squares! Only a couple of hours or so and you can have a glass of wine!

Original poster

Nabster · 26/02/2009 16:45

I then had some more but hey!

OP posts:

giantkatestacks · 26/02/2009 16:45

well done nabster - I was a bit evil and used to put my ds in his room instead for the 3 mins (though I know its frowned upon) I always found it easier to calm down myself with that physical distance

Original poster

Nabster · 27/02/2009 08:08

Success! DS2 was sent to the step. He wouldn't go so DH put him there. He got straight off so DH sat him on his knee and held him for the 3 minutes. When the time was up I said to him to apologise to his brother and he did. All those 3 minutes must have hit home yesterday.

OP posts:

CharCharGabor · 27/02/2009 08:10

Well done Nab

Original poster

Nabster · 27/02/2009 11:31

Was told today a 3 year old doesn't know what lying is so feel a bit mean now for sending him to the step.

OP posts:

littleducks · 27/02/2009 12:15

my 2 year old knows what lying is although i dont use the 'lie' word as it seems a bit harsh, she will lie to get out of trouble (who did that, whats in your hand, did you bite your brother questions are often answered with lies that are generally admitted to on are you really sure?)

i think it depends on child if they understand, like walking, talking understand these things attained not at a certain age

Bigpants1 · 28/02/2009 22:27

II also not sure a 3yr old knows what a lie is and if at this age they are deliberatly setting out to not tell the truth. A year or so ago, i went on a 1-2-3 Magic parenting course, as id heard someone say it was good.One of the things discussed on the course, was the Supernanny approach of insisting your child say sorry at the end of time out. This course felt strongly this was wrong, as the child had done their time for wrongdoing, and then was being made to say sorry whilst still upset-almost shamed into it, rather than allowing time for explanation and sorrys later.This might not suit everyone, but to me it felt right-especially in younger children, who have very short memories and attention spans. As in above, it took 3 lots of 3 minutes for him to say sorry, on top of 3 minutes for original punishment.While 12 mins may not seem a long time to us, it is for a 3yr old, and how long, if child keeps refusing to apologise, do you keep a 3 or 4yr old on the naughty step?(just noticed he apologised straightaway next time,but just thought the 1-2-3 Magic put a different slant on things.)

Rainbear · 01/03/2009 00:51

I can't see how he would understand/remember what he's sorry for. Probably he's just saying sorry to please you. Surely getting to the root of why he felt the need to lie and working on that would be more effective? I think it's important children learn sensitivity to other people's feelings rather than how they are suposed to act in a given situation.

Original poster

Nabster · 01/03/2009 16:35

It wasn't really 12 minutes and I reminded him what he needed to say sorry for.

OP posts:

spinspinsugar · 02/03/2009 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sophrosyne1 · 02/03/2009 12:11

Some 3 year olds can tell basic lies but it shows that they are quite bright as being able to tell a lie relies on knowing that your mind is separate from everybody else's (at least on a subconscious level). On the subject of the step, 12 minutes is a bit long as (apparently) children only have an attention span which is equivalent to 1 minute for every year of their life... although I've seen many a 6 year old concentrate for the full 90 minutes of a DVD so I'm not sure I believe it!

mankymummy · 02/03/2009 12:13

whats 1-2-3 magic?

spinspinsugar · 03/03/2009 02:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JodieO · 03/03/2009 02:47

I don't do time out or similar, young children only think about the unfariness of them being "put" in "time out" we talk and deal with things that way. I like dr sears and alfie khons type, much more informative and makes sense rather than just putting your child out of the way to try to stop them.

Deal with the why's and why nots, can't stand the time out crap.

JodieO · 03/03/2009 02:48

Excuse the many typpos in my last post, knackered and off to bed.

mankymummy · 03/03/2009 19:07

thanks spin. i think i sort of do that with DS... he's told not to do it, told if he does it again, x will happen and then if he does x does happen!

have never used naughty step or time out though...

nannyL · 03/03/2009 19:09

yes

i did it for 4 hours once

he got the message in the end

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