Sharing toys... or not

[scubalulu]

My 19m old dd has problems sharing toys. Even her nursery have taken me aside to have a "little chat" about her behaviour. She will automatically want what another child is playing with and grab it. Telling her to give it back results in her throwing the toy and then a tantrum. 2 weeks ago she was a lovely little girl - so where's this come from and how to tackle it? Help!

I would say that most if not all 19 month olds have problems sharing toys. Well my two (who are now 5 and 3) had problems then and still do on occasion now.

thats what i thought too, but nursery said its just her...!

Hi,

She still is a lovely, normal girl. Don't be sucked into thinking she is anything else. I personally think the nursery should be equipped to deal with it without worrying you (depends how they approached you, I suppose).

What I would try is offering her something else when she takes another child's toy. Say something like "X is playing with that, you can have this now", an "X will let you play with that hen she has finished". Try phrasing things positively. The word No can be like a red rag to a bull. If she has a tantrum just take her away from the situation, resist the temptation to go on about it, and distract her.

At this age it's just a question of a consistent, drip drip message. Don't let your worry about her turning into a monster get in the way (i know when i'm worried, I sound more shrill). Lower your voice, get down to her level, and try not to sound too angry.

Hope this helps.

I speak from experience .. DS2 was a biter, now a lovely 5 year old, no more aggressive than any other child !

Thanks - thats a real help. Its just that worry that maybe I've spoilt her or something. I think this gives me something to work with!

Don't worry, as long as you don't let her get away with it you won't spoil her.

It's just that toddlers are pretty much totally self-centred, and so shared toys such as at nursery make no sense to them. Personally, I'm amazed that more of them don't snatch/push/bite etc.

DS is 2.5 and is ONLY just starting to share

I would be a bit surprised about nursery taking you aside as it is totally usual behaviour and nothing to worry about although they do need to tackle it

I think they are going to tackle it - just getting me on board to do my bit, which thanks to the advice, I think I can start doing!