12 months old and giving me hell!

[sleepylion]

I hope someone can help as I'm on the edge of madness.

My daughter has always been easy. An angel. Structued. Simple to figure out.

IN the last few weeks she's become a nightmare. Won't let me socialise AT ALL. Makes my life a hell if I try to speak around her. Just cries for attention, throws her head back. Points at things, then if I give it to her, she pushes it away. Unclear messages. Like even she doesn't know what she wants. Just total meltdown. Most of the time only happy if I carry her in those situations. But sometimes even that not good enough.

She also has started having major tantrums at home. And that's often how we end the day. Because I put her to bed early (tonight it was 4.45!). She's a msjor sleeper - 14 hours a night. That has never been a problem. But her bedtime seems to be getting earlier and earlier, as its the only thing that calms her down. She goes straight to sleep.

She recently had some viruses - another tummy one at the mo it seems. Took her to the doc today. He said virus should correct itself.

Im just not sure how to handle this, if it's a stage. Have a book on behaviour, but seems geared for slightly older babies. I want to be prepared to introduce discipline, but I'm torn about what to do in this case, as I don't know if I should simply respond by cuddling all the time, or trying to set my boundaries. I try distracting, playing, feeding, whatever, But nothing works when she's like that.

Im at my wits end. And losing so much weight. Im also a single mum. So tonight I actually broke down in tears for the first time in ages. Becuase the fact that I can't even get together with other mums and babies to socialise anymore means my world is feeling smaller and smaller....

Please help! Any advice???

Thanks, Lou

i always found and still find my ds hard work if not well but find it passes when well again although 12 mths was a clingy age for him also

he was also one to go to bed very early if not well then probably feeling tired run down confused in need of alot of tlc we have to think how we feel when unwell and we understand it and can communicate

just be patient and trey to distract any behavior you find hard if cuddles work then give cuddles she obviously feels poorly with the virus i find it takes about 2 weeks for my ds to get back to normal after illness you can buy vitamin syrup from boots for during illness and after illness might be worth getting

its called tonic and can be used from 6mths

Is she having a nap in the day and if so how long?

oh thanks! I live abroad....dont have a boots here. What tonic is that - maybe I can find one here.

I love the cuddles - but also don;t want to set her up for a bad habit. Although sick, I also get the feeling she's on the edge of a behaviural change that also requires a little fine tuning....so hard to know if cuddles a good idea.

Daytime naps have been changing. I thought she was down to one around 1.p.m. But not she seems to have gone back to 2 - one in the morning for an hour around 11, and another usually around 2.30 (but today not)

its made by minadex if its behavioural then distraction find a toy and make it out to be great "ooh look at this what i have i got this is great" and then play with the toy and see if she comes along then walk away and come back good girl and walk away again

maybe as she is ill she is feeling very down but i found my ds went through several satges of being clingy and you do have to just let it ride out leave them to cry whilst you stand in other room for 2 mins come back and just play

cuddles randomly will be fine if unwell the rest is just actually normal behavior its the not knopwing and frustration of being unable to communicate when you leave the room they dont know if you'll be back so maybe i'll be back and walk away then i told you i'd be back good girl they do just grow out of it and become content playing alone and then you'll find again you may have another clingy stage to deal with

I don't think she's trying to make your life difficult, poor love probably just not feeling well and wants her mammy. I would give plenty of cuddles. Take her in the bath with you and have some skin to skin, really good way to feel connected to each other and calms them down like a dream. Amazing she sleeps so long, you are so lucky there! Maybe the constant distracting, playing etc is frustrating her? She might just want you to Be with her, calmly foccused and listening. Can you stick her in a sling and go out to see people? She might feel more secure and then at least you aren't isolated? Is there snyone you can ask for support?

I sympathise because DD is 11 months but she does seem to be getting to the stage where she?s all woo-hoo! I?m a baby one minute and then bah! I hate being a toddler!! the next. And gets a bit picky about stuff and pushes perfectly nice toys away and looks around as if she wants something but isn?t sure what (because tbh honest what she really wants is a ZIP a lovely lovely ZIP). And she has been sleeping a lot. I don?t know exactly what it is but it does seem to be a combination of separation anxiety/molars/nasty cough/life in general. I hope it passes.

oh sounds familiar yes!
rainbear - I would love nothing more than a bath with my little one. But just not poss, as I only have a shower. So she still goes in the little bathtub on the floor. I live in Amsterdam where most houses only have a shower unit, and if you have a bathtub it means you're simply in a different league!

Today had another awful day. There is a new pattern emerging though. She's been a 6 p.m till 8 a.m sleeper for a long time now. Lately, she has a massive meltdown at around 4, which used to be her wind-down and play time before bed. It now means nothing works at all to settle her, and I tuck her away in bed early - like tonight at 4.15.
So...Im wondering if maybe, this is in fact a new naptime for her. And that when she makes playing noises in her sleep later in the evening, maybe I should pick her up, and have some dinner and play with her. And aim to have her down at a later time of 8 or so?? All the other babies I know are going to bed at that time. So maybe its a trasnsition?

Can anyone give feedback on that idea??

FYI: if I leave her alone, she'll happlily stay in bed till the next morning....but not waking up more irritable then normal. So maybe I should give it a try??

Sounds like it would be worth trying to give her a nap mid-afternoon - maybe 3.30 - rather than leaving it until she is in complete meltdown at 4ish. Let her have an hour or so and then up for some tea/playing etc before bedtime routine. Her behaviour does sound like it might be linked to tiredness some of the time so maybe she's going through a phase of needing more daytime sleep and a little less at night.

Also, how mobile is your DD? I only ask because DS (now 15 mo) was quite hard work for a while when he obviously wanted to get about but couldn't - v frustrating for him (and me!). Separation anxiety definitely kicks in from about 10 mths IME and if they can't move, this is exacerbated.

Hang in there - it can be hard work at times & very trying. And it seems like whenever you get them sussed, they go and move on to a different phase (DD is 3 and that's a horrible age if you ask me!!). Also, don't give up on going out because you obviously need & enjoy meeting up with friends - maybe just try & time it so DD's at her best (not too tired, just fed etc) if it makes a little easier. Or get out to the park - DS loves the swing so when the walls are closing in, we get out to the park or into the garden.

Hi there, just wanted to let you know you are not alone - my DS has just turned 12mths and has suddenly started doing most of what you have described. I am assuming it is connected to frustration, as lolaladybird said. I also think his nap times may need adjusting as he is definatley worse when he's tired.

It's tough though and i spend half my time wondering if i've done something to ruin him!! Ha ha i'm sure though it will be another one of those things that you barely remember in another few months (crosses fingers!) Good luck!

loulahoop - exactly the same with my ds!! and there is another thread on here tonight with a 14 monther exacto the same.

it must be a phase, asserting their independance. My 12 monther stamps his foot, i tell you. Rumpelstiltskin! BAH!

I agree at trying an earlier afternoon nap at 3ish.
My dd2 12 mths is very clingy at the moment and wants to be carried too.

Kalo - LOL at the image of a little mini-Rumplestiltskin (had so forgotten that fairy story until now!).