Is my 14-month-old getting spoilt?

[Notintheknow]

My almost 14MO DD seems to need a huge amount of attention. She shouts an awful lot, kicks off every time I change her nappy, shrieks when I take anything away from her and seems unable to play alone for any length of time. She's a wonderful, bright, sunny little girl much of the time but I find the constant noise exhausting. Is it unreasonable to expect them to play on their own for short periods of time? Also, are there things I should be doing to prevent the shouting turning into full-scale tantrums a few years from now?

At the moment, I'm just trying to ignore the shouting/mini tantrums so that she doesn't get the idea that it's a good way to get my attention but maybe that's making it worse.

We've just got an au pair because I've started working freelance (from home) and I'm worried that DD is getting addicted to always having the full attention of an adult. Or is a good thing that she's getting so much quality time?

Have borrowed numerous books on toddler behaviour from the library but they all seem to be aimed at slightly older kids.

All advice gratefully received...

oooooooh we are at EXACTLY this stage. D is 14mo too. Last week she even scratched and nipped when she wasn't getting her way, before full scale major, rolling on the floor-style tantrum. We have been saying NO firmly whenshe does something that hurts us, and just not giving her attention otherwise.

oopd DD of course. DDDDDDD, in fact!

you cannot spoil a 14 month old

from what i remember this is a tough age as they are non verbal so cannot articulate, which frustrates them

it is hard going - she will tantrum whatever you do - they all do it but you can moderate your reaction to them

i hav found toddler taming to be a good, common sense book

Thanks so much - real relief to know it's not just us! (probably obvious but it can just feels like you've done something wrong along the way particularly when childless friends look horrified that you can't give them 10 mins conversation without constant background shouting). Also she used to be ok being wheeled around in the pram but now starts crying and shouting after about 15 mins. And the biting...

At 14 months she's too young to be spoilt IMO. Some at that age will play alone a bit, but it's not something you should expect her to do just yet.

I felt with DS that his shouting etc. at that age was from pure confusion and frustration - I always tried to help or distract him when he was like that. At just over 3 he doesn't seem spoilt at all and plays for long periods on his own.

my DS was a biter

he was a late teether and his teeth gave him loads of gip

i just used to tell him "no" in a low, firm voice

We haven't had biting yet (YET!), but she's definitely asserting herself and I think there is a lot of frustration linked to nearly being able to communicate but not quite!

My DD wants to walk everywhere now - prams are passe at 14mo dontcha know!

rubyslippers - she was an early teether actually but I think you're right about the teeth giving her gip, she does really seem to need to chomp on something.

Will try the 'voice of authority' technique...

You're prob right Mrsg - reassuring to know they come out of it

not spoiled- perfectly normal baby!

My 15 month old is the same, its the level of noise that I find hard to deal with, the screaming and shouting when you've only just got up or when you are trying to do anything other than play with them.

Things like cooking dinner are such an ordeal.

My patience is stretched to the limit

with you there, sweetcheeks. Hopefully just a stage...

It's just that I spent time with a 3.5 year-old recently and she was just such hard work, having complete melt-downs if she didn't get her own way. I'm just terrified of heading down that route and not realising until it's too late to do anything about it.

My in-laws are pretty straight-laced and have issued a few warnings about not letting DD get out of control, which may be why it's so much on my mind...