My 5 year old dd is so difficult - sometimes I don't know what to do.

[thechocmonster]

Whilst other people tell me that my dd is cute and sweet - I find that I lose my patience with her all the time. I feel it's my fault rather than hers and wonder what I can do.

Any suggestions?

I shall watch with interest as I often feel the same about my dd who is 3...

Do you think she's like you? Is that the problem .. do you see her do things and see yourself in it so get irritated far quicker than you would with a child who was more unlike you?

She doesn't stop talking. That's one of my big issues. Sometimes I'm trying to think about what to have for dinner - or what we need in the shops etc. She's just talk talk talk. sounds basic but it really drives me mad. When she can't get my attention by talking she starts really playing up and acting much younger than she is.

She needs constant input, which is so unlike my three year old who's happy playing alone for ages.

My dd is exactly the same (5), never shuts up, even talks to inanimate objects.

i think they are learning so much at this stage they just want to communicate everything all the time.

It is very hard to be patient when all you want is 5 mins peace just to be able to think.

Do you have anything that keeps your dd quiet SNT? Or any tips on how you manage to keep your temper would be greatly appreciated.

It has always been like this for me and my dd (now 7), I have been so very impatient with her in the past and have (only recently I might add) learned to get her involved in some things that I am doing, to help me, she loves to feel like she is helping. She now spends a lot of time reading, which helps, so when she has a question often she will look for the answer herself and will be much happier spending time with herself. I have tried to become more patient with her too and give her some one on one time as well. Have you tried giving her little jobs to do? Can you give her some kind of timings? ie when I have finished the ironing we will sit down and make a bracelet together, in the meantime you go and play with your barbies.

Her brother is almost 5 and now he has started with the incessant questioning and talking. I find it easier to ask him to be quiet for say 5 mins, and then say, after I have done x and y we can sit down and read your book/talk about why cacti like to grow in hot temperatures/if pirates are famous. I seem to have more patience with him than with dd, I think some of it is a mother/daughter thing.

well, is it general commentary or is she asking you questions?

if its general stuff that doesnt require input, try to zone it out for a bit when its getting to you.

if its asking questions... try "well, i know what i think, why dont you see what you think for a bit and let me know". even get her to write stuff down. sometimes they need to calm down and think without spurting exactly what comes into their heads.

re. keeping your temper... ask her to do something... make her feel important, then go out of the room and breathe or have a cup of tea / glass of wine.

and remember... it WILL pass, as do all other phases....

If you think to yourself that by the time she gets to a stroppy teenager, who won't talk to you, you might look back fondly it might help!

i must say dd is quite happy to watch a dvd for an hour (she has a telly/dvd player in her room) or i let her take over the lounge and go into the bedroom for a bit while she talks to her ponies/ bratz making up scenarios. (we live in a bungalow so its all quite close together so i can peep round the corner to check on her but i can have a breather for 5 mins)

Is it possible you could involve her more/ With the trying to think of stuff for dinner scenario, would she get involved to help you and put that talking etc to practical use? Get her to list you what's in the fridge and come up with ideas for dinner? Agree with themaster that she may enjoy feeling she's helping and this may help her at least focus her talking and also feel a little bit less like being silly to get your attention?

I do sympathise - it is hard when you have a child who really demands that constant attention - it's very draining and tiring.

Thanks for all the input. Lots of useful ideas. Thing I have just got into a bit of a rut and lose my temper too often, when I just need to plan some constructive things to do.

How funny - I'm pregnant with twins at the moment. Want to make sure that I've got things sorted out with dd before the twins come along in June.

Congratulations TCM, it's hardly surprising you are losing your temper if you are heavily pregnant!

My dd1 was exactly the same, she is now 11 and is the most glorious girl in the world, the best thing I could say is when she starts talking listen and respond have a conversation and then say "I have really enjoyed our talk but I need to do this, are you going to help me or would you like to find something fun to bring into the kitchen?"

I think if I half listen she keeps on going for much longer, so full attention and she is much happier, dd2 and ds a completely different kettle of fish, much quieter and laid back but all have gone through the incessant talking thing.

Good to know that there are other people out there with the same incessant chatter. Thanks for the tip clueless - will give it a try.